Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Keeping warm

The championship playoffs were on last weekend, we watched the Pats game at home, sort of during, sort of after Ori's party. Pats won! Laura would be thrilled, beyond thrilled, OVERJOYED! And then we ate a nice birthday supper and off to the Grogan's to watch the Giants game, which was a real neck - in - neck race! Giants, thank the french toast goddess, won! They played in Green Bay (and we DO love the Packers, but who could root against their own home team?) and it was NEGATIVE 22F out. Those boys looove football, as Beca and I say! It's fully fully winter out, there is no doubt. The house feels chilly, and we are spending a small (or not so small!) fortune on heating oil. Until we come in from outside, and then the house, with our down parkas, hats, mitts, scarves, and sweaters on, is sweltering! It's all about staying WARM, finding that important balance.

JAC and I played Abounding River last night - I gotta say I'm really glad we got the chance to play a little, and that it was just he and I for the first round of play, and that now I know what it's about. It's really a very woowoo game, but fun, too, and the laughing spot is hysterical! It was nice, especially, not to sit by my self while he watched more games on tv. :-D A nice balance for us, to once in a while do stuff really just I want to do, though he is willing, and most of the time he gets to do what he likes to do, veg and chill.

Randy says "It is a mistake to try to gain control over your home when you haven't gained control over your own behavior and emotions." It is modeling what you DON'T want you children to do, and expecting them not to follow your lead! STUPID! Am I guilty? Of course I'm guilty. Am I excessively guilty? I hope not. I see some of their bad behavior and wonder where that comes from - and it's almost always me. Impatience, snappishness, inability to just let go and let others do things their own way. UGH! I am really going to work on this.

Today I tried to implement one of the notes from last night's game - that I would take 20 min to myself for writing. I did find something that engaged Ori for 20 min., but wasted the time online. BAD. Then, when I WAS motivated to do some writing, he was needing me like every 5 min. It was a hard moment. At one point, he really lost his cool (which for 3 is pretty predictable) and pinched me HARD to make his point. I shouted at him - mostly in pain - and sent him away from me for a few minutes. He went upstairs. About 2 min later, I went up and we apologised to each other using both words and hugs and snuggles. Again, finding that balance is not easy. He can't hurt people, but he isn't always old enough to use his words effectively. And if he doesn't get what he wants, he can get ornery quite fast lol! Otoh, at 3 (or almost three, or 3.5) I think he's really capable of a few 20 min. sessions w/out full time (unpaid) entertainment. I know he is. JAC believes this too. Benign neglect is a LOT about having him take charge of his own entertainment, and ALSO about him learning how to ask for help. Keeping warm when things get too cold (in solitude) or hot (in anger). Balance.

Tomorrow we'll try again. He has a busier day, with music class in the AM and I think I'm going to try to get to the parent teacher store in Latham and see what's what for learning multiples. Poor Beca. Finding a balance in this for her is HARD. It's hard for me too. I KNOW she can do this, I support her 100%, but all the things I have tried have failed because she isn't motivated. WHY?? WHY isn't she motivated? I don't know. I do care, but I don't know how to get to the answer. So, in the meantime, she can learn them or sit in the trailer while we do fun stuff at disney. It's going to be her big reward to have all the rides and fun stuff at Disney for 4 days - and if she doesn't learn them, she can watch the fireworks from the camper. :-( I just don't know another way, other than letting go completely...and given that she has state mandated math exams in March, I don't feel comfortable with that option. Sigh. Where oh were is the warm spot in all this? Back to real life, to seeking the place of harmony.

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