Friday, May 13, 2011

What's Fair?

What IS fair? It is such a confusing, complicated world. I can't find answers, sometimes, things just don't seem to add up. Firstly, in talking with Mary Eglow, there is WAY too much parental involvement in college students' lives. Parents writing applications, essays, calling professors to adjust grades. How can kids who write their own essays, earn their own grades, compete with that? NOT fair.

Second, how can someone be happy with their life, and yet so miserably unhappy? How can I work so hard at this one thing that I can never succeed at? How can this be fair?

Third, How can I be an embarrassment to my daughter, when I work so hard at not embarrassing her? Just being me, evidently. Is that fair?

A war about us, about freedom, or a war about not changing, about spending it all, about never having to work harder. Tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of people dying in a country where life is already hard. Do we have the right to change their world, and not take responsibility for changing ours? Is that fair?

I have such conflicting feelings about all these, and so many more, issues. Switching from B'nai Sholom to Beth Emmet is conflicting, and I really hope that it will help me figure out some of these conflicts. How much, and when, do I trust in the Universe? When do I try harder?

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Springing on by

It sure feels like life is in fast forward right now. Orin ploughing through Kindergarten - writing books and reading, figuring out adding and multiplication, learning about artists, geography, and managing friendships. And Beckey - her Bat Mitzvah is fast approaching (6.5 weeks now!), and it is feeling both invigorating and frightening. All the mistakes will become glaringly obvious, but she will be the shining star (that she really is), she's got 2 parsha pieces left to learn, and some practice on the big prayers (v'ahafta, for example), but lots of work is done, and she's awesome. It feels like Jerry is getting old quickly now, which is NOT ok. He's stressed out, and work is hard. I'm feeling a little scared for him. I'm aging too, clearly - hbp, A1C over 7, thyroid out of wack, period slightly wonky. But I don't feel old, too much, yet. I'm walking 12+ miles every week, and doing some writing. I have my amazing kids, and I'm still grooving along better than the (very old) dog. :D We're working on summer plans - including Cape Cod and camps (thank goodness for tax returns!). So forward we march!

Easter! My birthday. Passover, Spring Equinox, we LOVE our holidays! We actually did nothing for Passover this year - we were at Bob and Mary's, but ate pizza and weird 2112 food. It was a good visit, Harry Potter was a hit, as were the wanderings through mid town that we took, just me and the kids. It was fun. Easter was with James, Alex, and Hannah - a fun hunt and lots of candy, followed by baskets galore and a nice easy hang out day. YAY!

My birthday was fun, easy, and lovely. We had a kind of rainy day, so we all did shopping together (including suit for Jerry, dress for Beckey, and odds and ends for the house), and hung out big time - games and food and familia love. Spring sprang with little celebration this year - it's very on/off for Spring - 50 and rainy one day, 80 and hot the next. Weird weather for sure. Orin has now had his 2nd sleepover! He had Kyle over last month, and Ryan came last weekend. Susan said Ryan had fun, and we really enjoyed having him. My boy grows older and better and sweeter every day.

Ok, JAC is out of town, working and driving and working, and it is time for flying solo mama to get the kids off to bed. It will be good to have everyone back together for the weekend, which is full of soccer and (Mah jongg!) Sunday School.