Friday, May 13, 2011

What's Fair?

What IS fair? It is such a confusing, complicated world. I can't find answers, sometimes, things just don't seem to add up. Firstly, in talking with Mary Eglow, there is WAY too much parental involvement in college students' lives. Parents writing applications, essays, calling professors to adjust grades. How can kids who write their own essays, earn their own grades, compete with that? NOT fair.

Second, how can someone be happy with their life, and yet so miserably unhappy? How can I work so hard at this one thing that I can never succeed at? How can this be fair?

Third, How can I be an embarrassment to my daughter, when I work so hard at not embarrassing her? Just being me, evidently. Is that fair?

A war about us, about freedom, or a war about not changing, about spending it all, about never having to work harder. Tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of people dying in a country where life is already hard. Do we have the right to change their world, and not take responsibility for changing ours? Is that fair?

I have such conflicting feelings about all these, and so many more, issues. Switching from B'nai Sholom to Beth Emmet is conflicting, and I really hope that it will help me figure out some of these conflicts. How much, and when, do I trust in the Universe? When do I try harder?

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Springing on by

It sure feels like life is in fast forward right now. Orin ploughing through Kindergarten - writing books and reading, figuring out adding and multiplication, learning about artists, geography, and managing friendships. And Beckey - her Bat Mitzvah is fast approaching (6.5 weeks now!), and it is feeling both invigorating and frightening. All the mistakes will become glaringly obvious, but she will be the shining star (that she really is), she's got 2 parsha pieces left to learn, and some practice on the big prayers (v'ahafta, for example), but lots of work is done, and she's awesome. It feels like Jerry is getting old quickly now, which is NOT ok. He's stressed out, and work is hard. I'm feeling a little scared for him. I'm aging too, clearly - hbp, A1C over 7, thyroid out of wack, period slightly wonky. But I don't feel old, too much, yet. I'm walking 12+ miles every week, and doing some writing. I have my amazing kids, and I'm still grooving along better than the (very old) dog. :D We're working on summer plans - including Cape Cod and camps (thank goodness for tax returns!). So forward we march!

Easter! My birthday. Passover, Spring Equinox, we LOVE our holidays! We actually did nothing for Passover this year - we were at Bob and Mary's, but ate pizza and weird 2112 food. It was a good visit, Harry Potter was a hit, as were the wanderings through mid town that we took, just me and the kids. It was fun. Easter was with James, Alex, and Hannah - a fun hunt and lots of candy, followed by baskets galore and a nice easy hang out day. YAY!

My birthday was fun, easy, and lovely. We had a kind of rainy day, so we all did shopping together (including suit for Jerry, dress for Beckey, and odds and ends for the house), and hung out big time - games and food and familia love. Spring sprang with little celebration this year - it's very on/off for Spring - 50 and rainy one day, 80 and hot the next. Weird weather for sure. Orin has now had his 2nd sleepover! He had Kyle over last month, and Ryan came last weekend. Susan said Ryan had fun, and we really enjoyed having him. My boy grows older and better and sweeter every day.

Ok, JAC is out of town, working and driving and working, and it is time for flying solo mama to get the kids off to bed. It will be good to have everyone back together for the weekend, which is full of soccer and (Mah jongg!) Sunday School.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Right, or Left

Orin and I have been reading Roald Dahl's BFG lately, and I love that he laughs while snuggled in bed, listening to my funny voices. I love the goofy time we spend, warm and solid together. One of his favorite lines is oft repeated - the BFG asks Sophie "Right? or left?" when he really means "isn't that right!". Orin laughs and I giggle and we snuggle a little closer and keep reading.

Beckey and I, on the other hand, started reading Gone with the Wind, which is NOT funny, or not VERY funny. There are lots of very descriptive sections which she really struggles to stay focused through, in addition to it being the very end of the day/night. She is not loving it, but I think once we get through this beginning section and into a part with more action, she will see the payoffs for understanding these characters so well. Right, or Left?

The past 8 weeks, I have made it to 3 of the 4 Albany Written Art Studio meetings. I am getting a thicker skin, appreciating their time and love and effort, and - I think - making some progress! I have made it about 80% through chapter 2, and feel like chapter 1 is in good shape, though not finished. It's a pleasure to feel progress! It feels so, so ... progressive! So NOT cleaning bathrooms or making shopping lists or cutting coupons or listening to my kid practice something. again. So it's been wonderful getting this far, and I am really appreciative and looking forward to more!

Moving forward getting a 504 plan for Beckey, now, as we are seeing some deficiencies in her work skills. Studying for tests, planning through larger projects, staying organized, keeping track of assignments and papers. She for sure is not the only 12 year old to confront this hurdle, and I know that the school is making room for all the kids to get up to speed, but there is no lack of work, and there is an increasing gap in her comfort about the quality and quantity of work she is able to produce right now. Hopefully this is a smooth process, and one that she can really benefit from. I get that there are kids out there with bigger challenges, more issues, and deeper concerns, but that doesn't discount her own needs, challenges, or concerns. Right, or Left?

Gratuitous pic of kidding enjoying a bit of technology and some yummy choc chip flax cookies.