The soul adventure

I find myself at dirt road crossings
To find my dreams and answers
Explore the world, find where my skin
Is more than mine alone

Off to Africa's woodlands deep, to hike amongst the lions
To New Zealand's mountains crag, dash through water's roil.
To Canada where rain whips wind, loneliness is prairie wide
Then a journey where I multiply, patient strength expands

So they grow, as day turns night, and leave me lost behind
On this next adventure I must vanish, or contract, my soul subside.
It's not about the numbers; our age is in our soul
Which has no age, no numbers tell, what the journey's next turn grants.

Current mood: contemplative

Quick knit

Just something quick to say about my knitting, which is taking all the blaze away from my writing these days. I've finished Jessi's diaper bag, including a pocket for the inside, and a neckwarmer out of the most awesome Burly wool (thicker and even softer than bulky), and now I'm working on a ditty bag for Beca to take to camp this summer. I don't know what's gotten into me - perhaps that my stash was starting to overflow? HAHA! I'm really enjoying it. Beca's tanklet came out really well - see for yourself!




I love the model, too!

Current Mood: knottedly productive

More pukies

The kids are sick here. Again. They were sick. They got better. They are now puking again. And running backwards, too. Poor Ori - he totally doesn't get that the food he keeps wanting to eat is what is coming up again an hour later. Sigh. Beca is sicker, more puke, more discomfort. I am SO ready for the nicer weather! Today it was almost 50F degrees, much more realistic for me. But there is still a foot or so of snow out there, and it was grey and rainy most of the afternoon.

JAC and I have some work to do in the weeks ahead. We both want to move back to the wet coast, but can't quite figure out HOW. HOW is exactly what we need to resolve, because w/out some kind of HOW we are stuck here, in the boiling summer icy winter East Coast. I love the spring and fall here, LOVE it, but really have no love of the equinoxal seasons. I want so badly to move back, I KNOW it's the best place for us all. I don't want to start JAC over, I don't want to push him into something he doesn't love. I want us to find a real niche - what and where are equally important.

I thinking of doing a 3 day/night stay at the Kripalu for http://www.kripalu.org/healing_arts/49/#integration This would be 3 nights, so JAC would have to take 2 days off work to make it happen - not sure whether it's worth the vacation days or not. Still debating. I think it would be a lot of fun, I'm just not 100% convinced it'll kick me off on the right foot - it's very nurturing and healing, but also self indulgent and maybe not the most 'work ethic' oriented start to my 4th decade of life. Hmmm...

Still taking lots of photos, and enjoying getting better at the camera and it's many functions. Flickr account is fun! Off to update there next. JAC has been out of town all week, so he's offered to put the kids to bed tonight, and although I was really hoping that Survivor would be on, but it's March Madness, so I guess it wasn't to be. Some down time is cool, though. Tonight was writer's group, but I really didn't know whether JAC would be home in time, so I sort of planned NOT and when he busted through the door at 5:30 - in plenty of time - I hadn't prepped anything for dinner, Beca wanted Tacqueria, we were still working on her History Fair project, and she wanted to go to Aikido at 6pm. It was nice, though, as Brige and Sarah were there and we had good chats.

Ori is talking well, and his vocabulary is growing exponentially. He's not eating well right now, but in general he's doing wonderfully. Beca has been working on her History Fair project on Marian Anderson. What a wonderful character to choose for her research! She has read lots, and remembers about 10%. I suppose that's where I was at her age, too, but it sure is frustrating to watch! I think in general she's doing super well, learning so much and enjoying her life tremendously.

I think that's enough yammering from me today! I'm off to update Flickr and maybe do some writing...

current mood: impatient

First movie

I hope this works - my first (feeble) attempt at making a home movie from stills. Kathy - you are my in--spir--ation! :D

So in the future, there will be more, hopefully shorter, maybe more themed. This one is pics from July 2006 - Feb 2007. Lots of fun to see them, but maybe too scattered to really be meaningful.

CAN

http://cjcphoto.com/can/

Go watch and read this, and then come back.

I dried my eyes not a moment ago, the incredible courage and persistent optimism of this family overwhelming my normally emotional response to such stimuli. And then the weight of so many many families with 'imperfectly perfect' children, the children who have MS, CF, MD, tumors and missing mitochondria. It's just incredible how you can forever encourage a person to dream, to live their fullest life, even when their glass - long shy of half full, has barely a drop or two of potential in it. How is it that I give myself permission to have my moody lows, to forget to write, to snap at my kids. I suppose, all in perspective, every single parent has these moments, regardless of how 'perfect' their children are. I let my guilt go, into the universe, and I hope that in its place comes peace, patience, and strength. I can't even think whether I would have to patience, the strength to do what they have done. I can't even get myself to lose the 20 lbs that would get JAC in to see a doctor! But I know that if I did have to, I would use the inspiration of this family, and so many others like them, to pave the path I would travel. And so I pass on their story. I hope it brings you some inspiration too.

My morning as a refugee

From www.inminds.co.uk Camp Baqir

I start this at 8:20am. We have been up since about 6:15. Ori nursed twice, walked around, moved things, came back to bed. We got up to say good morning and goodbye to Beca and Daddy. The kitchen is now tidied, the dishwasher loaded, the toddler fed. Tea is steeping. The beds are aired and made, the diapers are in the laundry, I am dressed, Ori is dressed. There is still much to do, but I am feeling pretty satisfied with the first hour of my day. :D Then I hear on NPR about the Iraqi refugees, about women who have children to care for and who have no resources, no one to depend upon for income, because they are under arrest by the US, or murdered by a car bomb, or by Sadaam. I can't get iTunes to burn a CD of audiobooks for me, and my knitting is at a bitty frustrating point, but I have food for a month in this house, and we have healthy people in this house and we have this HOUSE - this 2740sq. feet of private, personal, safe space. There is a TV that will entertain and enlighten my children when I have absolutely had enough and need the break. There are radios that have news casts to keep us in the loop (accident on 87S this morning, people died, trucks overturned; Shrub realizes for THE FIRST TIME? that there ARE Iraqi refugees), we have so many good books, stories to whisk us away to foreign lands, fairy escapes, adventures on the ocean or in the desert. And the toys and clothes and hand creams and pots and pans and - not least - computers (three!). I don't feel I am not worthy of these things, but the perspective is enlightening. I want to guess what an Iraqi refugee does in her morning.

6am wake self, walk to toilets, wait on line to pee, return via spigot to get water.
6:30 set water to boil for tea, wake children.
6:45 sweep sleeping area, bring carpets outside, beat carpets
7am wash baby, using last of water
8am children off to school, or to beg, or to play in the filth, go get more water
8:30 wash nappies
8:55 wash clothes
9:25 hang clothes, beat carpets 2nd time
9:40 bring in carpets, stack along back wall. tidy from tea.

She hasn't eaten, neither have her children. She must now figure out how to find some protein for their day. Some eggs, perhaps, or a shank of bone for soup. I all of a sudden don't neeeeeed that break I've been craving. Our sitter canceled on our Saturday night plans, so maybe we'll find someone through the coop, maybe not. Either way, I think we'll be fine. :D

Current Mood: Grateful

Recent Pictures I like

JAC's train table for Ori in progress. Well done my fuzzy man! You are a ROCKIN dadda. <3



Beca after sledding with Maria



Ori walking in to the sun.










Sunset on Woodmont.






Current mood: productive.

Time alone

Time alone is at a premium these days. Living in the moment is wonderful, and helping me to heave myself over the humps of sensitivity when I'm feeling touched out and not getting breaks. Right now I have some time, quiet, sweet alone time. Ori is sleeping, Beca and JAC are skiing at Jimminy. It's snowy and cold outside, and there are endless tasks and chores calling me. I am enjoying ignoring those piping calls of conscience. I can listen to my ipod, or the tinkling of the waterfall in the living (have I mentioned how much I love the redone living room!), and atually hear them, hear myself think. It's lovely. I think this is what people miss most who lose the partnership. Thinking of J and what she is going through, the weepy mornings, the sobbing at night, the feeling of failure. S has walked out on her, and bought a new home in town here. The kids can walk back and forth between the two houses. He says "J and I have separated" but she hasn't, she isn't. She continues to have to sever him from her thoughts and their lives, after trying for so long to incorporate him almost against his will. Although she wasn't/isn't surprised, there is shock. This happened. This happened to me. This happened to me now. And I would most miss having the break from one whom I trust with the children, with the house, whom I know I will appreciate even more for their contribution to our lives. I would miss that desperately.

My own tarot using the Prediction Tarot Deck obtained in a MDC swap:

1. Queen of Staves (wands)
2. 3 of Wheels (pentacles)
3. 5 of Cups
4. Judgement
5. Knight of Swords
6. Page of Cups
7. 6 of Wheels Reversed
8. 2 Staves
9. Queen of Cups Reversed
10. 8 of Cups

Wow. Lots of cups.

Ok, this was done in the Celtic spread.
1. concern (question) Queen of Staves. Sympathy, understanding, love, worthiness. Pitta. Desiring success, positive advisor. An authority figure who is ambitious, and shines in all her endeavors. She requires attention and admiration (ego feeding) but is a loyal friend and is fun to be with. She has very high expectations.

Boy is that ever me! Wow. Yes - who am I? Where shall I go from here? Appreciating all that I have, I know that I have a debt to society that only finding my passion will fulfill. Will I find it? Will I figure out my path?

2. obstacles 3 of Pentacles. I am good at what I do. Creative talents bring financial rewards. Communications regarding my success, and having faith in my abilities. Hmmm. How are these obstacles? Not believing yet in my own self, my own power? Wondering whether my abilities are enough to carry me through? It wasn't reversed, maybe it is relying too much on intuition and not enough work going into it? Will have to find better balance there.

3. objectives 5 Cups Getting over things, moving past my negative memories. The book I'm working with actually says broken marriage, and fickleness in love. I don't think that's exactly what I called, though. More like needing more from my marriage, needing more support from JAC in ways he hasn't had the opportunity to see, or me trying too hard to need from him. Neding to move more independently.

4. thoughts/feelings Judgement. Awareness. Faith, higher mind, awakening, understanding. Being aware that there is inspiration inside that I can tap into, that will offer itself to me. A portal into the universe to which I am given access whenever I choose. Getting into the 'zen' of writing is not that difficult, and believing in what I produce is easy when I am tapped in. Finding a way to balance this knowledge with the material need to carve out time to tap in, to write, is hard and I need to be zen about finding that time.

5. past Knight of Swords A messenger who brings news of problems and troubles. The knight carries a sword, showing aggressive behaviour. Messages are of conflict, anger, feelings of frustration. Oh! Oh my god! How appropriate! I recently wrote on a thread at MDC that what I'd really like to grow is my ability to process my anger before it hurts those around me. How amazing! I did get angry at Ori today - his 2yo tantrums are picking up speed and turbidity. The second time he freaked out (over a diaper change) I totall ignored him. I sat in the rocking chair in his room and he stood stomping on his changing table, screaming, crying. I read my book. About every minute or two I looked up, made eye contact, and asked him if he was ready to get cleaned up. When he finally told me he was ready, he was. Not another peep. I handled it like a pro! Letting that monkey of frustration and anger go is hard hard hard. But incredibly empowering. And maturing.

6. immediate future Page of Cups Psychic ability, love, creativity. The page brings good news concerning relationships and marriages. Can be oversensitive and vulnerable. Yup - I've been gaining momentum in my self-trust and have been reading more tarot. Welcoming it. I've revisited my Reiki III attunement many times in recent days. I don't think I'd ever use it to make money, it's not where I'm at. But I do think I could use it to help myself make money through writing or other creative endeavour.

7. attitude about the question 6 pentacles (wheels) This card symbolizes learning to be fair, making good choices, Choosing new ways to make money, helping the less fortunate. In terms of the question, it is suggestive that I am still in the learning phase of balancing the work with my family life, and how to pay for the endeavour. It's not a cheap thing to get a book published, to find the time to write it, etc. So there are some bumps coming, I need to be aware of that and not allow them to stop me. of get so carried away that I go overboard.

8. outside influences 2 staves (wands)I know my work, I use my knowledge, I desire balance in my life. Using will and ego in work. Hmmm - suggesting that I am aware of these things may make finding the balance easier. Also, knowing that I NEED my ego and my intuition to make my work amazing, I know that I need to have the support of those around me.

9. hopes and fears Queen of Cups Reversed Bad temper, jealousy, resentful and harboring grudges. Scorpio man (RJL or JAC?) Emotions are drained. I AM afraid of this!!! I am afraid that my temper will get the better of me at any given moment. Almost that I have no ability to control myself, though I know that this is not true. I have improved remendously over time, and I know that I will continue to do so. I think it might also refer to the fact that I tend to rush things, make them happen as quickly as possible. This will not bode well for my work. (Ori's up)

10. final outcome 8 Cups. Strength on the journey, searching for spiritual enlightenmet, letting go of past emotional experiences. Trusting my intuition, and allowing my life to develop as they are meant to - not as I plan them. Sounds good to me!!!

Current mood: Very positive

It's been a great week, so far. Tomorrow Beca's teachers are going to a big Montessori conference in NYC, so the kids have off. JAC has been out of town. We settled something that's been kind of hanging over my conscience for a long time - WHOM to godparent the children to! When it was just Beca, it made sense to ask Ken and Di. But with Ori, it doesn't make the same kind of sense. It's a huge relief to me to have asked Sheri, who will be a wonderful godmama.

I've been reading a lot of tarot recently. Brig and I had a lovely tea and read her tarot, though without a moments peace. Doorbell, phone, poopy diapers, and right at the end, Brent brought little R over. Life was great for about an hour, then O was melting and needed to nap. Beca came home before R got picked up, so honestly I didn't have 20 seconds to myself all day! But it was fun and passed the time nicely. JAC is home tonight, and B and I will go off to celebrate Brian's 41st. He feels like an old man, but he's in good shape, me thinks.

I am actually feeling much happier about life - the writing is moving...slowly but surely. Ok, more later...aikido and Brig and Brian call. :D

Current mood: uplifing

These are all things Ori loves to do...sometimes at once ;) From E's list on her blog. Thanks E! I've added some of our own.
Playdoh
goop
stickers
kneeding dough
baking
bath time
sink time
coloring
drawing
painting
reading books
cutting paper/pictures out of magazines
playing/gluing/stringing noodles
dancing
cleaning
blocks
computer games
short walks
playing train
building forts
music games (like Freeze)
basketball with stuffed animals and a laundry basket
edible playdough - marzipan and food coloring
hide and seek (sort of)
stamps
nesting blocks
play food
puzzles
puppets
tossing around a soft ball
legos
zoobs
dump salt
spoon rice
pour rice/corn kernels
eat eat eat eat eat!
sand play
snow play
rocking horse
climb (on the furniture)
make pancakes
handprint the windows
blow out candles/matches
cut with scissor

And this from A's blog: Thanks A!

Copy it into your own blog, erase my answers & write your own....then leave me a comment & I'll come read your ABC's! It's kinda fun.

1. A is for age: 39

2. B is for beer of choice: Pumpkin Spice

3. C is for career right now: SAHM, writer, coop coordinator (babysitting, food), Girl Scout volunteer (is that a CAREER? I spend a lot of time doing it!).

4. D is for your dog's name? Zami

5. E is for essential item you use everyday: toilet

6. F is for favorite TV show at the moment? none.

7. G is for favorite game: Crib

8. H is for Home town: Larchmont

9. I is for instruments you play? Conga drum

10. J is for favorite juice: carrot-apple

11. K is for whose butt you'd like to kick: I try not to be like that.

12. L is for last place you ate: at home

13. M is for marriage: yes

14. N is for your full name: Andrea Susan

15. O is for overnight hospital stays: yah, a few

16. P is for people you were with today: Both my kids, Jeanne Wilson, The Walter's kids (2 of them anyway), my husband for about 20 min.

17. Q is for quote: It doesn't matter how many say it cannot be done or how many people have tried it before; it's important to realize that whatever you're doing, it's your first attempt at it.
Author: Wally Amos American Businessman, Founder, Famous Amos Cookies

18. R is for Biggest Regret: That I didn't finish my PhD.

19. S is for status: In transition.

20. T is for time you woke up today: 6:32

21. U is for underwear you have on now: Black

22. V is for vegetable you love: Avocado, carrots

23. W is for worst habit: anything with chocolate in it, too harsh a critic, underestimating myself.

24. X is for x-rays you've had: mostly knee, spine and I had a TB x-ray.

25. Y is for yummy food you ate today: French dark chocolate. Tea. Broccoli frittata

26. Z is for zodiac sign? Aries.

Current mood: copycat

Feb 2 2007

Feb 2 2007
Originally uploaded by newandytree1.

A big smooch from Ori to Chiara. Awwwww.... My little lothario!

I got the blues

this from J's blog. Thanks J!

BLUE

You give your love and friendship unconditionally. You enjoy long, thoughtful conversations rich in philosophy and spirituality. You are very loyal and intuitive.

Find out your color at QuizMeme.com!

Blue's Good!

Ori's much better - we've been through about 4 days of no sleep and bad coughing. Hopefully that's it for the winter for the little fella! It seems he's been sick more often in his 2 years than Beca in all her eight! I guess that's just par for the birth order.

Vacation week - Beca has had a really nice break. She is off skiing at Butternut today, lucky kid! They get 40F weather, dry roads, and an awesome snowpack. Can you tell I'm somewhat jealous!? Nah, I wouldn't trade a sick day with my Ori for anything. ;-)

Train time?

Perhaps it's time. I had thought to wait, a bit. I thought he'd make it to three before needing it, before we had to clear space, make time, build and scrounge and reorganize. But I think Ori needs a train table. It's clear that having something at his own height would help him, and maybe JAC can build him something useful this weekend. But even if he can't, even if we do end up having to buy him something, I think it's sensible to get some furniture that he can really relate to, and make his day better. He's really got just this incredible amount of energy, running laps (11 before dinner), needing to be held and tickled and wrastled and vigilantly attended to. SO - we start on soemthing this weekend, and hopefully before the end of winter he has something!

In other news...

Beca has passed her 2nd white belt test, so will be wearing double stripes for the next couple of months while she learns the next katas. Yay Beca!

I've reconnected with the writing group I joined last fall, and I'm VERY excited! We meet next on Thursday. Yay Andy!

Ori is getting a nasty cold, I can just tell. He's up again now, so off I run. 24/7 the job is never done.

Current mood: sensitively aware

Snow what's happening!?

Well it's finally come our way...SNOW! It's wet and cold and gloriously white and fluffy. Ahhhh - the kids were out in it for hours today! Ori had a wonderful time, although he did get cranky eventually. The snow is deep enough that he really had trouble walking in it (the 47 layers didn't help much, either!), and when he fell he couldn't get up.
Beca was great with him, enjoying his wonderment. Then she and the other kids went off to play, without a second thought for the struggling little toddler down the road a ways, slow and red faced and whiney. So he and I blew snow. Our snow, road snow, the Reeds snow. Didn't matter much! We both enjoyed it. That was at about 12:30. By 4pm you couldn't tell it had been blown (or shovelled) and the drifts were above Ori's head! Yippeeee! Tomorrow I'll take him and Zami over to the round-about and see about some sledding. :D Other gratis snow pictures:












The first is at about noon, the second at about 4pm. It looks darker than it was in that picture. I used the flash (which made the light on the car reflect and seem as if it was on, but that truck hasn't been started since August!), and a high ASA, next time I'll try the night feature on the camera. D'oh!

Our meal planning is working wonderfully! I love this site, with all their recipes (I still use the internet and my own stuff too, but they have all the basics right there for me), and other tools for healthy eating. I think we eat mostly the same, but being able to look at the menu over a week, month etc. allows me to really see where we're deficient. I think we should be eating more fish than we do, right now it's about 1x/week, and I think twice a week would be better. Anyway, it's a lot of fun to use, and is helping keep me organized!

In other news, JAC sent me an email about a good job (for him) that is in Banff! Woohoo! We'd both really like to get back to Canada, perhaps a bit further west than Banff, but that's a really nice little town, and the skiing is phenomenal! If Beca shows any promise of improvement, it might be worth looking into ski team for her (although it's a LOT of schlepping!). Living somewhere there are lots of kids doing that might be more motivating for her. He hasn't applied, and I'm not sure he will, but it's a start, anyway! He's really quite happy with his position here, although I think he'd like to be doing more actual research than he is able to do right now. Hopefully he'll be able to slide more of that into his future schedule.

Lisa had a boy! We've all had fun lurking at DeadFrog waiting to hear. Once I heard there was a storm coming, I knew he'd be born. Such a baby thing to do! Get themselves born when no one can move their cars lol! Beautiful home birth, by the sounds of it.

Current mood: snuggly and happy

Hey – I took this cool personality test today, this is what it had to say. Interesting…

I am direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.
How to get along with me:
Stand up for yourself... and me.
Be confident, strong, and direct.
Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
Give me space to be alone.
Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

There are some things that you love about me:
being independent and self-reliant
being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
being courageous, straightforward, and honest
getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
upholding just causes

There are some things that are Hard about me:
I can overwhelm people with my bluntness; scare them away when I don't intend to.
I am often restless and impatient with others' incompetence
And frequently never forget injuries or injustices.
I put too much pressure on myself and tend to get high blood pressure when things don't go right

I am truly loyal, caring, involved, and devoted which doesn’t mean I can’t sometimes be overprotective, demanding, controlling, and rigid.

Working for a living

We've both, JAC and I, been working on the house. I've painted up the bedroom, almost finished now. And he's re-piped the upstairs pipes that go through the kitchen so that we can vent the stove outside. BIG job made bigger by recalcitrant pipes and even more reticent water in the pipes. So now we have these:
Which took two trips to the hardware store and many many hours, and a very sore thumb from swatting at things in frustration. Poor JAC. Although I got less done in the paint department, it was seriously less frustrating. I had kids only for a small part of it, while he had kids for nearly all his work, and I got to watch season two of Northern Exposure during mine. Part of the painting operation has included restructuring of the room, including setting up the dvd player we've had for several months (on sale at Best Buy just after x-mas) and clearing out a lot of garbage that hadn't seen light in 2 or more years. Clearly not going to be missed!

So although we'd paid for today, we didn't go skiing. B was disapointed, but I just did not want to commit to a whole day on the slopes when I'd already taken the room apart (but not put back together) and JAC had the pipes in disarray and no water in the whole house to deal with. So we skipped skiing and instead she played at Merishka's and did this:
Feeling a bit sad for herself, eh? Well, she mostly got away with not working on her math homework, and watching silly TV shows like the cooking channel and Real Simple on PBS. Poor thing. :P

Today was easier to live in the moment, harder to let the moments pass. My children are growing up and away before my eyes...

In the moment

My thoughts tend toward the patchyness of the snow on the lawn, the patches of ice along the edge of the road, waiting to grab my tires when I move aaaaall the way over for a car taking up 53% of the road, toward friendships that seem less than solid, but prove to have the unbelievable strength of a guatamalan hammock. I find myself waking up at 1:48am to march downstairs, turn off our computer. The interesting part is that none of this brings me actual pleasure - but I live in the moment. There is no ease in living in the moment, many moments of my day. I find tremendous pleasure in looking back upon the mountain of laundry that is now clean and folded and packed into 3 large hip-hugger baskets. I look forward to Rebecca's piano recital, and to skiing this weekend (assuming it warms up a few degrees). I think about large drifts of snow, that wonderous crunch underfoot walking the dog under stars that are just the exact same size as the snowflakes landing upon my glasses lense. But picking up the turds that he drops? The endless messes that I am not only on my hands and knees laboring over, but the ones I can satisfactorily think back upon, or grieve over, and those that I can hear occurring in a room I can't be in while I rock rhythmically, eyes closed, thinking my own personal thoughts, until I remember I'm slopping up honey nut cheerios into the dustpan. Living in the moment is often difficult.

Late in the afternoon, things seem to come to a head. The girl is home from school, the boy is awake from his nap. She is often tired and hungry and has no interest in homework or anything requiring her to plant herself anywhere for more than 4 minutes at a time. He is often grumpy and hungry and has no interest in anything that might require him to plant himself by himself for more than 4 minutes at a time. Therefore, I rarely get 4 minutes to myself between 4 and 8pm. Unless I have someplace to be; meeting, perhaps. Or a class that I can't take because there is no guarantee that I will make it to the next meeting. My increasing commitments to guiding, to the co-op, and to myself make this not impossible, but difficult. However, occasionally I can slip away from him, and from her, for a few hours. And in that time, I do enjoy the minutes, the moments, and the minutae of being me in a time, and a place, that also has him, and her, and them. It makes me feel glad to be, glad to have my own body, satisfied that my being me is of benefit to someone, right now.

Jerry has morning bus duty. I make the lunch the night before (usually), and leave it in the fridge. I sneak off into O's room early, when he wakes - usually sometime between 4 and 6am. I close the door quietly, and later, at just before 7am, I can hear the heavy tred of my sweet and very hard working partner clomp down the hallway and down each of the 13 stairs to the main floor. There he will wash the dishes left over from the night before, bang some pots, slam some cabinets, clink some glassware. He also makes some oatmeal, hot and delicious, loads it up with organic sugar and milk, and he and she (who has tred almost silently down the hall after pretending to brush her teeth and neglecting to wash her face) will sit together in that early morning moment and pass father - daughter secrets. The moment passes quickly, a few minutes at most, and then the yellow metal of every child's dreams, or nightmares, rolls up with lights flashing, and out she flies, from the mouth of our garage, down the glissade of the driveway and into the mawl of the bus and into her own moments that are separate forever from ours. We miss her every minute, until she is home, when we don't miss her, we are simply with her.

This laptop is runing out of juice, and though I am enjoying this moment, it's late and time for the moment to move into the bed.

Mood: thoughtful.

Winter hues

Refusing to be bogged into the blues by habituation, I am truly enjoying random acts of weirdness that keep us uplifted these dark days. Moon sand, though messy, is a fun and liberating toyaster.
A good day to do it is the day AFTER you've washed all your vacuum filters, not that same day. Lesson learned. Ori doesn't speak well of it's taste, but even he got into shaping it in the little molds we found hither and yon - hither being the easy bake oven, yon being all over the kitchen. Beca has been thinking about and working on her story for the Reading Rainbow contest (6 weeks and counting). Very good for HER! And I - I got Adobe Photoshop idiot's edition and have been playing around with it. Still (after all these years) too much the goof and never enough of the hard core editor in it for me, it's a lot easier than some of the stuff I've been sketching with, and a TON more productive. Now to figure out some interesting ways of using it...

We've gotten some good skiing in, and give our thanks and mechanical prayers that the snowmakers keep doing their metalically snowy thing! The coverage is not bad, though the lower mountains don't have much in the way of trail variety. Typical to east coast fashion, the trails are blazing in the AM and icy in the PM. Ah well...once you've got the turn-twist-slow-recover move down, it's a snap.

JAC is MUCH better. Still coughing sporadically, I think he's really and truly over the hump on this viral episplemetic. And we are all otherwise extremely healthy! YAY! I'd like for us to enjoy it for a WHILE, now...sigh. Knowing all too well that between toddler time and art class, we're bound and determined to catch some new invasive.

On the needles is the tanklet in Patagonian cotton for Beca. I couldn't find a terrific trim, so I got a terrific color in a merino that will be soft for her, and not stretch out - which is for me, of course! I finished the caliometry in the varigated felting wool, and it's lovely!
If it felts well, I'll send it on to Jo-Anne (to whom I can never ever repay knitting debts for that georgeous sweater set for O last year!). I think it will look smashing on the beach with the wind whipping in from White Rock, and it will help her keep an eye on her ever growing pack of he-wolves! Oh how I miss you guys! Next is either a bag for me...I'd really like that...or more likely longies for Ori.

The weather is cold cold cold again. I'm not going to complain, this is the warmest winter on record here, I think. Certainly the least precip (of COURSE it is! The Bilzzak's are just pining away for snow), and again, you won't hear a hint of complaint about that either. Anymore. I mean again. Cough cough. I should really go gargle, something is stuck in my throat...

Mary and Bob have returned safely from St. Johns, tanned and relaxed. Bob never even returned my call today. Huh. I suppose Winnie deserved a good long walk in the park, and perhaps there was a letter or two needing some attention. But OH! The rejection. :D Good thing I really had nothing of great excitement to share!

WHMS is looking good for next year. Well, from our perspective, anyway. Andrew is, I think, a much tougher teacher than Sandy (or heaven's above, than Julie, the smooshmallow teacher of the year! Who doesn't love a smooshmallow teacher!). Tim has moved on to Math classes of more import, and Olga is filling in for the remainder of the year. Beca doesn't like Andrew or Olga, or Sandy either. All of them have deigned to "speak" with her about getting her work done, and sitting still for 10 or more minutes consecutively. Well, so be it. I think she is learning a ton right now (absorbant mind or no), and is now working on compound multiplication problems and fractions (though early stages there, yet), sentance deconstruction and she finished her Rhino project right in the nick of time. It looks darned good! I helped her with her essay, but hardly at all with her diorama. And I'm glad. Although she still brings it up occasionally, I can't really see her happy in a public school at this point, she is still unable to self-guide or achieve task completion without adult supervision. Hopefully next year's bigger class will help her to find her 'place' and build some social esteem. It's all in her control now.

Ori is doing wonderfully! He is two with a vengence, and his vocabulary seems to double weekly. Today, in trying to coax a bit more food down him at dinner, he said "No thanks. You eat it. You eat it mama." And I did. And he asked "Is it good?" And I said "Yes. It's very good." (it was) So he took back his fork and said "Ok, I'll eat some." And he did. Imagine my surprise! He will leave things around, take them apart, and certainly climb and open anything to see what's to be found. But when asked, he quite obediently will put things away, or try to put them back together, and will always stop when asked. He's a bit sly - he'll stop and wait inconspicuously until there's a quiet moment, and then - even half an hour or an hour later - he'll be back on top of the chair trying to open the drawers above the computer table! So keeping an eye on him has truly turned into a full time job. He's made a teency bit of progress with potty learning, going in the potty (pee and poop) when asked. But he hasn't yet taken the feeling of having to go to the potty and put it together with actually sitting his sweet smelling little tush onto the potty.

In other news: Naja had her baby (a girl!), and Lisa hasn't. Brig and I are considering Aikido classes ourselves, or a digital photoraphy class (if there's still room). There's an incredible writing workshop in Troy on the 3rd or 4th of March, which - if it's the 3rd is out, but if it's the 4th is a possibility for me. :D Keep your fingers crossed!

Enough from me - keep warm out there and send some snow, if you have any to spare (NOT complaining lol!). Peace all...

Current mood: uplifted

It's cold out there...

It is truly cold outside - with the wind chill factor about -5F (-20.5C). Walking the dog seems more like getting tied to a post and horse whipped than enjoying a bit of exercise or lending the dog a bit of our time. Brrrrr! It's been such a busy 4 weeks, with 3 birthdays (not including our neighbor Laura's 6th on the 17th), chanukah, solstice, christmas, new years, our anniversary (if you didn't hear mention of that, it's beacause it probably wasn't mentioned haha!), and then all the normal run of the mill stuff - JAC out of town for 2 weeks, JAC sick, me sick, Ori sick, Beca's after school activities, even painting the bedroom (which begins this weekend). I feel like I need to breeeeeeeathe. I haven't worked seriously on my writing for weeks and weeks now, although I have been using the notebook and sketching out scenes. Productive, but not satisfying. I seem to be in a low tide emotionally, and having a good long look at why seems like too much work right now. I have little to complain about - truly I have NOTHING to complain about, but I can always find some thing that needs work lol - other than Jerry being sick so often. Poor fella just has had a terrible time of it these last 5 yrs, and it sure isn't getting any easier! I frequently worry about his cough, which is remarkably deep and painful sounding. Hopefully that means it's breaking up in there, and he'll be well again soon! Now it's a coin toss - who goes skiing tomorrow (in this frigid weather!) with Beca...I have a feeling I'm going to lose this one.


Frozen footprint...it's bloody cold out there! All the snow is frozen, and the wind bites off your nose just before it freezes off your toes! BRRRRR!!


More than genetics link these two.


We got the new quilt this week, and have finally picked paints for the walls in the bedroom. Hopefully that will finish up this coming week. YAY! Something more than bare white walls at last!

Current mood: dour

Jan 20 2007 Ori's BIRTHDAY!!!

They sky shades broke through winter's cold, he turned two, and cried, "big cookie mama", we danced.

Oh I can hardly believe this day has arrived, my little babe turned toddler is TWO!!! The last time we'll ever have a baby here in this home that is OURS. The next one will likely be Beca's, and I hope that's a LOOOONG ways off. :D This morning he woke up and got to have first breakfasts, then opened up a gift. A remote controlled duckie!
The kids played with that for a while, then had second breakfasts, Daddy made french toast! Then another gift - a talking parrot! They have been highly entertained by these two gifts already.
Beca has an awful time doing her math work, which she has to finish in order to get to sleep over at Grandma and Poppy's later today, so we've broken up the hilarium team for the moment and getting chores done.

Here's his cake - mom made the cake, dad iced it. TEAMWORK! Later in the afternoon we went to grandma and poppy's time share near Jimminy Peak to have a little dinner party with them and celebrate our baby boy's birth day. I had a terrible cold all weekend long, it was not fun for me, but it was nice to get to celebrate his birthday, which would have been much downplayed if we'd stayed home.

Some gratutious pics of the birthday celebration:



The Berkshires - so starkly beautiful during these short winter days. Sunset was just before 4:30.


Mary enjoyed his magnetic maze as much as O did!


New trucks and a Thomas train from Grandma...he knew right what to do with THOSE!


BIDAY CAKE (also known as BIG COOKIE)

Current mood: nostalgic