Optimism

What things that I see are surreal, and what, if any, will last? The future - ten days, ten years, ten decades - it seems so pervasively indecisive. Today he loves Pooh Bear (the one Didi gave Beca years ago), with the wind up key in his side that plays the Winnie the Pooh theme song gently, a real music box inside. Yesterday it was the football trick-or-treat bag (left over from months ago, bad mama!). I can so easily let go of yesterdays 'thing' but I want todays to last and last! It's fine with me if he needs to kiss Pooh goodbye before he leaves for school. Even at fifteen! "Bye Pooh! Bye Mom!" and out the back door to meet Josh half-way to catch the high school bus at the round-about. Somehow tossing around the trick-or-treat football just doesn't carry the same cuteness weight with me. I do feel optimistic that he will still melt my heart, induce forgiveness with his eyes and a hug, and lean his warm young body into mine to share our energies. Hopefully even unto my passing.

Jerry and O have both had colds, JAC worse than O. His asthma really kick up a notch and makes us both a bit worried that pneumonia is brewing or stewing or ??? inside those hard working lungs of his. My poor sweet big fella. He really tries to take it like a champ, but it's just not easy to feel so crapped out.

Tonight I need to go out. I haven't had any out to myself time (other than to Beca's class yesterday) for about two weeks, and it really shows. I put my dinner on the table last night, and Ori grabbed the plate and it dropped to the floor. I was hungry, and it was the last of dinner from the pan. I really got angry, and shouted, and told him that not ALL the food in the house is for him, and to keep his paws to himself. Then I walked away. Time OUT mommy. He's two (almost), and it's just not fair for me to lose it w/him like that. He totally doesn't get it. It doesn't happen often luckily. He's usually easy to be patient with. But it's really REALLY time for me to get OUT of here for a few hrs. So I'm going to head out early, and then meet up with the leadership committee for BF1 and try to hammer out some plans. Lots going on THERE!

Other stuff:

Orin is starting to become much more verbal. I couldn't even list all the words he knows well, at this point, maybe about 75-100. He does come up with some cute new combinations of stuff, but nothing like what Beca used to come up with. She'd make up words and change things around to make it seem like it SHOULD be a word, but of course it's just her super imagination and auditory perceptiveness. He doesn't seem to have those same skills, but he's much better at listening and cooperating. And better at *shooting* people with everything from crayons to sticks and fingers. What's up with THAT!

Beca has been working hard in school, says Sandy, since Winter Break ended. We have pretty much decided to keep her at WHMS for 4-5-6, because to be honest as much as I love people like Deb and Theresa, I think their kids can really run wild (D's more than T's), and there isn't much expectation that they LEARN how to self correct their behaviour. I love the WHMS really focuses on getting kids to learn for themselves how to control their own behaviour, how to learn, how to study, how to form study groups and how to work in them. That will be one of the new challenges for Beca; she learns very well in a one-on-one situation, even with another student as the other 'one', but gets somewhat overwhelmed about her 'place' in a larger group setting, and very easily distracted when she studies by herself. So moving beyond the friend-to-friend work time will be a big leap (mentally, emotionally, and physically) for her. Best to prepare myself early for that! Friday there is a luncheon
at the school for parents interested/concerned about the upper el. stuff, so Brig has agreed to baby sit O while I go, hopefully with JAC in tow.

I haven't found the time to write in eons. I'm feeling rather blue about that. Just getting OUT is hard these days. JAC has been sick a lot, and with O sick too, I haven't felt very good about taking off for a few hours to write. JAC never 'minds' when I do, but the house is twice as trashed as it normally would be, because he just doesn't have the energy to chase after them, or pick up even the smallest pillow? Ok, maybe it's inclination. Tonight I shall have dinner ready before Aikido, and we shall go and do that before I leave. Then I'm off duty till long after bedtime. Well, I think Perfect Blend closes at 10. But whatever. Time off is good time.

Ori's 2nd birthday is this weekend. Mary and Bob have taken the condo at Jiminy for the weekend, Sat - Monday. We'll be there on Sat for skiing (hopefully, hard to imagine skiing with such cold cold conditions and no actual snow, but I'm sure theyve got some coverage), but w/no skiing we'd still go and meet them at the lounge or something. They do try. I will bake a cake and bring something for dinner (what?!), bring a wrapped gift or two (hopefully Beca will have finished her scarf), and some few party decorations. I have some balloons, hats, tooters, and festive napkins. Hopefully that's enough for him at this age. I know it's enough for ME at MY age!

Friday night we're having Vernie and DB and the girls over for dinner. MUST clean this house. And figure out what to cook! Yikes! I'm thinking Braai with wild rice pilaf, potatoes au gratin w/that nice goat cheddar I got, and some veggies - beans and glazed carrots maybe. It's DB's birthday on Sat, too. :D

General mood - stoically optimistic. America will vote for the BEST candidate regardless of ethnicity. REGARDLESS of ANYTHING! The BEST candidate is best for the majority, and the majority will will WILL see that. I am going to reiki on that long and hard today.