A Life Reborin

What's Fair?

2011-05-13T10:42:00.000-07:00

What IS fair? It is such a confusing, complicated world. I can't find answers, sometimes, things just don't seem to add up. Firstly, in talking with Mary Eglow, there is WAY too much parental involvement in college students' lives. Parents writing applications, essays, calling professors to adjust grades. How can kids who write their own essays, earn their own grades, compete with that? NOT fair.

Second, how can someone be happy with their life, and yet so miserably unhappy? How can I work so hard at this one thing that I can never succeed at? How can this be fair?

Third, How can I be an embarrassment to my daughter, when I work so hard at not embarrassing her? Just being me, evidently. Is that fair?

A war about us, about freedom, or a war about not changing, about spending it all, about never having to work harder. Tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of people dying in a country where life is already hard. Do we have the right to change their world, and not take responsibility for changing ours? Is that fair?

I have such conflicting feelings about all these, and so many more, issues. Switching from B'nai Sholom to Beth Emmet is conflicting, and I really hope that it will help me figure out some of these conflicts. How much, and when, do I trust in the Universe? When do I try harder?

Springing on by

2011-05-05T16:57:00.000-07:00

It sure feels like life is in fast forward right now. Orin ploughing through Kindergarten - writing books and reading, figuring out adding and multiplication, learning about artists, geography, and managing friendships. And Beckey - her Bat Mitzvah is fast approaching (6.5 weeks now!), and it is feeling both invigorating and frightening. All the mistakes will become glaringly obvious, but she will be the shining star (that she really is), she's got 2 parsha pieces left to learn, and some practice on the big prayers (v'ahafta, for example), but lots of work is done, and she's awesome. It feels like Jerry is getting old quickly now, which is NOT ok. He's stressed out, and work is hard. I'm feeling a little scared for him. I'm aging too, clearly - hbp, A1C over 7, thyroid out of wack, period slightly wonky. But I don't feel old, too much, yet. I'm walking 12+ miles every week, and doing some writing. I have my amazing kids, and I'm still grooving along better than the (very old) dog. :D We're working on summer plans - including Cape Cod and camps (thank goodness for tax returns!). So forward we march!

Easter! My birthday. Passover, Spring Equinox, we LOVE our holidays! We actually did nothing for Passover this year - we were at Bob and Mary's, but ate pizza and weird 2112 food. It was a good visit, Harry Potter was a hit, as were the wanderings through mid town that we took, just me and the kids. It was fun. Easter was with James, Alex, and Hannah - a fun hunt and lots of candy, followed by baskets galore and a nice easy hang out day. YAY!

My birthday was fun, easy, and lovely. We had a kind of rainy day, so we all did shopping together (including suit for Jerry, dress for Beckey, and odds and ends for the house), and hung out big time - games and food and familia love. Spring sprang with little celebration this year - it's very on/off for Spring - 50 and rainy one day, 80 and hot the next. Weird weather for sure. Orin has now had his 2nd sleepover! He had Kyle over last month, and Ryan came last weekend. Susan said Ryan had fun, and we really enjoyed having him. My boy grows older and better and sweeter every day.

Ok, JAC is out of town, working and driving and working, and it is time for flying solo mama to get the kids off to bed. It will be good to have everyone back together for the weekend, which is full of soccer and (Mah jongg!) Sunday School.

Right, or Left

2011-02-17T12:52:00.000-08:00

Orin and I have been reading Roald Dahl's BFG lately, and I love that he laughs while snuggled in bed, listening to my funny voices. I love the goofy time we spend, warm and solid together. One of his favorite lines is oft repeated - the BFG asks Sophie "Right? or left?" when he really means "isn't that right!". Orin laughs and I giggle and we snuggle a little closer and keep reading.

Beckey and I, on the other hand, started reading Gone with the Wind, which is NOT funny, or not VERY funny. There are lots of very descriptive sections which she really struggles to stay focused through, in addition to it being the very end of the day/night. She is not loving it, but I think once we get through this beginning section and into a part with more action, she will see the payoffs for understanding these characters so well. Right, or Left?

The past 8 weeks, I have made it to 3 of the 4 Albany Written Art Studio meetings. I am getting a thicker skin, appreciating their time and love and effort, and - I think - making some progress! I have made it about 80% through chapter 2, and feel like chapter 1 is in good shape, though not finished. It's a pleasure to feel progress! It feels so, so ... progressive! So NOT cleaning bathrooms or making shopping lists or cutting coupons or listening to my kid practice something. again. So it's been wonderful getting this far, and I am really appreciative and looking forward to more!

Moving forward getting a 504 plan for Beckey, now, as we are seeing some deficiencies in her work skills. Studying for tests, planning through larger projects, staying organized, keeping track of assignments and papers. She for sure is not the only 12 year old to confront this hurdle, and I know that the school is making room for all the kids to get up to speed, but there is no lack of work, and there is an increasing gap in her comfort about the quality and quantity of work she is able to produce right now. Hopefully this is a smooth process, and one that she can really benefit from. I get that there are kids out there with bigger challenges, more issues, and deeper concerns, but that doesn't discount her own needs, challenges, or concerns. Right, or Left?

Gratuitous pic of kidding enjoying a bit of technology and some yummy choc chip flax cookies.

3 R's vs 3 I's

2010-12-15T07:13:00.000-08:00

In consideration of recent crap happening at B and O's school, I've been thinking about what the drawbacks of public school in general - and our schools here in Bethlehem in particular - would be. Their over-emphasis on standardization of learning is a bummer. This inherently reduces the importance of art, language, imagination, and inquiry. Which got me thinking that there really are three subjects that are of utmost importance for us to help our kids learn, but they are NOT reading, writing (not an R) or 'rithmatic (also not an R). They are imagination, inquiry, and inventiveness. These are skills that take creativity and initiative and are the most likely to lead to actual contribution - not high level of spatial relations or even high vocabulary. It isn't about 'getting it' (algebra, grammar, literature), it's about putting something out there that makes new connections (mirror neurons), measures things in a way that is completely new and useful, or bringing understanding to the dark places of human inquiry. Time to go - more later.

Smilebox for Poppy - happy Chanukah!

2010-12-12T12:37:00.000-08:00

Make a free slideshow

What make me bad?

2010-12-06T13:32:00.000-08:00

I have, in my brief sojourn, been bad. I have been bad ass, a bad kid, a bad mom, a bad Jew, a bad person, and a bad ballplayer. I have also had bad breath occasionally, played badly at Mah Jongg, been a bad driver, and - on very rare occasions, had bad taste. But mostly, I think I'm a pretty good person. I haven't killed anyone - yet - or broken an oath in court, though that opportunity has not yet arisen. I have broken laws, commandments, rules, and expectations with some measure of abandon, and yet I STILL feel like I'm a pretty good person. I try to be respectful of people, though I fail from time to time. I try not to burn down anyone's house, to feel for the injustice and injury done to people around the world through neglect, intentional injustice, and historical accident. I guess I understand why we have rules, legal and social, but what I don't understand is how some people can call rules ideas, and the next person calls them commandments. Which is it, because those are fundamentally two different things to me. Time for me to go make dinner, which is a law around here, and one that I have found when broken, makes me a bad mother, wife, and person - my own peckishness can be an issue. So hopefully, as I grow up (taller, more beautiful, driving a bmw and zonkered into my iPad), I will come to more fully appreciate what things are out there that make me bad. Cause sometimes being bad is what differentiates me from the Abercrombie wearing, Prius driving norm, out there. And I'm tired of them saying that I'm bad for not being one of them.

Season 3

2010-11-01T05:10:00.000-07:00

Soccer season 3 - 3 cool new coaches, new friends like Alex S., rediscovering his talents (goofing around during practice) and improving his skills (like striking). Orin has really enjoyed all the running around, scoring, flying like an eagle after a hard won score, playing a bit of defense (really, this boy is not a big D kind of kid). Jerry and I enjoyed sitting on the sidelines (yelling PASS, PASS THE BALL!), and had fun with the other parents on the team (Robin, Nancy, Maryanne, all great gals). But one kid who didn't befriend Orin especially, and who's parent's didn't especially become part of a core of moms and dads doling out snacks, sharing waters, or picking up the kids (often out of the mud) was Molly, for sure the one kid on this team who really impressed me. She's little, smaller than anyone else on the K team (except Charlie, who is REALLY tiny), wears her coke bottle 4" thick glasses strapped to her head, and runs sort of helter skelter, like even with these binocular telescopes on her head, she can barely see a thing. Born at 1lb 6oz, she has struggled since before her own birth to live, to be strong, and to be a part of this world. She is tenacious on the field, sweeter than syrup on the sidelines, cheers for her team on her breaks, sucks down oranges during half time, and thrills at the touch of the ball on her pink cleats. She is amazing, truly spirited, and brings to bear the whole point of this game - to bring each other up, along for the ride, and into the ecstasy of hard won success. Thank you Molly, for your amazing spirit and thanks to the coaches and the team for all their wonderful cheer and hard work.

Where I'm From by Beckey

2010-10-14T19:18:00.000-07:00

I am from Canada,
I am from Vancouver,
Where Olympics are held,
That is where I'm from.

I am from the farms all over the world,
That grow and sell the food I buy,
That pick and sell my snacks.

I am from my mom,
Who gave birth to me,
who raised me so well.

I am from
Everywhere.

Rebecca Carlson-Lee
October 2010.

Ten pictures in ten steps.

2010-09-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

These are sitting in the hall closet - I pulled the bottom one (which has fish lips glued to it) for hat day last year - Orin's preschool. Fun hats we bought in Ohio, on an island. Yup - there's an island in Ohio!

My grandma made this - my dad's mom. She was good, huh?

The Joy of cooking. Sits, alone, on top of the wave. It's marked for pancakes/johnny cakes, plain or with fruit.

This is one panel of a 12 panel tapestry made by a women's cooperative in rural Zimbabwe. This panel is telling about how the woman carried a heavy load on her head for a long way, before getting home. Other panels tell about how her husband was drunk and beat her, then how sorry he was, and how she let him come back home in the end. Sigh.

Max. Short for Maxine. She's huge. We aren't REALLY sure she's a she, but she felt like a she, to me. In a box, with a fox.

Plants. I like them, but I also kill them indoors. These are Jerry's responsibility. Beckey get that spider plant 7 years ago from Verstanding's halloween celebration. Still going strong!

Yeah. So? We have a giant snowflake in the corner. So? What's it to ya?

These are on the wall right by my desk. I love being a mom!

Fresh picked apples from ILF. Galas. Best applesauce, pies, and eating around!

Candy in the candy bowl. This is crap the kids won at the Scottish Games in Altamont. Yeah, thanks guys. Still got this hanging around.

Is death the enemy?

2010-09-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

I was checking out causes of death today, kind of random I know, because there's this article on CNN or somewhere talking about how prostate cancer is a huge threat to men today, and how cancer is a huge death factor for men over fifty, but - it says - heart disease is still (and always?) our number one enemy.

Now I'm sure this is true for a lot of people, people who think death is bad, scary, evil. I am not so sure. I think having a crappy quality of life, of being a burden on everyone around you, of not having the life you want to have because you are feeble of mind and/or body, is WAY worse than death.

I don't believe in heaven or hell. I don't think Hitler ever did get punished for what he did. I don't think his victims were rewarded for their selflessness or for the years they lost, the lives unborn, cut down in, or before, their prime. Or Attila the hun and his victims, or Lenin and his. It's not like that for me, there's a HUGE - bigger than the hugest huge - amount of energy in the multiverse, and when we die, we go into it, become part of it. This, what the Hindus call incarnation, this lifetime is our time to shine (which is why so many people, especially children, love love love to be the center of attention), alone in the universe. This is our time to love and be loved for who we are - separate from the rest of that amazing energy out there. And when we die and go back into that tremendous energy - the energy of a billion billion suns - we ARE that energy.

So what's so bad about that? Nothing! There's nothing wrong w/dying. Nothing at all. You don't get to see your sister-in-law very often, or eat marshmallows around the fire, but to me, it's a new amazing experience that is worthy of being looked FORWARD to, not escaped from (which doesn't give me a death wish, just a different perspective). You will never get to see the very end of the play, all except a small handful of the total number of people in the world who ever have or will live. But we will all become part of something amazing once again - for we do not create or destroy the energy that is god, we become it.

Baby steps

2010-09-15T19:26:00.000-07:00

Gratuitous pickie of my boykie.

I spoke with a gal tonight, at back to school night at the kids' school, who has been looking for a job (part time) for 7 years. Yup - since her 7th grader went to school full time, since she moved to the area, since she knew what she was ready for. She got one, started yesterday - CONGRATS Susan! Meanwhile, it reminds me that needing a job NOW is so ME, but not very realistic. Baby steps. Ineed to start somewhere, anywhere, but I don't need to start with anyTHING. Adding "would you like fries with that" to the end of every other sentance is probably not the kind of job I need to be taking on right now. But doing something that makes me feel useful would be good! So I think the first thing to do is figure out WHAT I want to do, and then what I need to do to do it. And maybe figure out, in the meantime, what the hell it is I can do in the meantime!

I saw this blog today, and I think I will try to do this tomorrow - 10 steps. I think that's an excellent idea! Before my eyeglass appointment at 10:30, I will take my camera into town and do a walk, give myself 45 min or so to get 10 interesting things, 10 steps (or less) apart each. And finish laundry. Cause w/or w/out a job, the job of running this home is still mine. :D

Shhh - it's too quiet!

2010-09-14T06:51:00.000-07:00

My kids are back in school. Actually, Beckey is at a leadership/team building experience at a Y-camp, but she's back this afternoon, and then, back to school. We managed to afford all the binders and calculators, new shoes, trip fees, and new bags, though the stew pot is thin this week. But now, well, it feels just a little TOO quiet! I know, I was complaining, it was too LOUD here just last week - my kids, their kids, neighbor kids, dogs, puppies (not ours!), parties, and the start of everything - it felt overwhelming. And now it's so darned quiet I have no excuses for not hearing the dang buzzer on the dryer in the basement. Well, some things may never change - like the piles of laundry all sorted out and ready for washing on the basement floor - but some things do. Beckey is in middle school, with lots of expectations and a whole new sense of belonging. Orin is on the bus and in kindergarten. He started writing a book yesterday, and drew two calender pictures - one of camels and the other he couldn't remember because then he drew a lot of other pictures, but they weren't calendar pictures, but he couldn't remember which were which. He's a rather happy boy! Soccer started last weekend, and he got stung twice by a wasp and fell once, on his tailbone, and it hurt. Not a great start to the season, but at practice on Monday he took some real tumbles w/out shedding a tear, ran his little heart out, and really enjoyed it! He was very charged up (making bedtime in time for book club impossible, but he was kind and sweet, and very cute in his matching purple footie pajamas - matching Beckey's of course!).

It's so quiet I can hear the lawn mower down the block. I can hear the wind in the oak tree outside, it's leaves still holding fast. I can hear the creaks of my own fingers on the keyboard, and in the house where it settles and sighs in the sun.

I will someday grow up and get a job and leave all this quiet behind, but for now, I am loving these moments, until the children return and in a flourish of kisses and lunch boxes, dirty socks and backpacks filled with the fruit of their day's labor, the quiet is gone, and my life is back. Sudden as it appeared, the quiet that became oppressive is once more elusive, and sacred.

Sweltering stovepipes, batgirl!

2010-07-09T07:11:00.000-07:00

It hasn't been lower than 90 anytime between 10am and 8pm for over a week. It sure makes me wonder whether there is reason to believe that global warming a) exists b) would affect us here in the NE c) would affect us like this.

a) Do I believe in global warming? I believe in change, and I believe that Earth's weather will cycle and cycle and cycle, never staying in one cycle for over-long. Like a baby, once we get used to their vicissitudes, they go and change on us. So - after 150 years of getting to know this NE landscape, more in some places, less in others, after spending millions and so very long understanding the soils and seasons, it is changing. Is it changing faster, because of emissions and industrial pollution? Is it less able to recover from a normal heat wave? Is ther eless resiliency because there is less fresh water, fewer trees and forests, more cement, and overall less green space? I say it's a definite maybe.

b) Predictability is probably not the strong suit of this science, but there are some facts we can look at: 1. there is more forest here than there was 300 years ago. 2. there is cleaner water, more parks, and lower emissions than there were 100 years ago. 3. there are better laws, more follow up, and more media coverage of problem areas (dump sites, rivers, spill sites) than there were 50 years ago. 4. The problems are bigger, but fewer. Bigger problems are problematic, of course, because they take longer for recovery, seriously tax the ability of reclamation science, and possibly cause irreparable damage. Certainly there is loss of life (animal, plant) and this in itself is disgusting. But there is no reason to believe that the two are absolutely related - global warming and environmental disasters. Could be - but no guarantees.

c) So if it IS related, if there IS some connection between these two kinds of events, it should be more evident in areas where disasters have occurred, or areas surrounding them. Around here, there are the nuclear disasters of Love Canal and Three Mile Island, and loss of speciesation and vast quantities of fish from the oceans, plus garbage, pollution, and medicated waterways. Pretty gross, come to think of it. I am not sure what the number of military, industrial pollution and mistakes have been over the centuries here, but it's only been in the past 75 yrs. or so that the kinds o fmistakes we've made have made the kind of impact we are talking about here

There are also far more people in this corridor, there is more pollution, garbage, energy consumed, and a lot more in the way of ongoing need than in many (most) areas, certainly here in the US. So I suppose, if there was some place IN the US where it is felt, it doesn't surprise me that it is felt here. If this is what we are feeling at all. So - convinced or no, it is making sense to me that we are feeling the heat.

making movies

2010-06-18T22:24:00.001-07:00

Holy hollywood! I have been trying to make a couple of movies recently - notably one from the Shakespeare production the kids did in school, and one from Orin's soccer season. WOAH. I guess there are tons of production software options out there for the PC's that are simple and option filled, but NOT so for the MACs. Geesh! I settled on iMovie, though I looked at some online options as well as using the stuff in iPhoto, but alas, they sucked for this purpose. Sigh.

Here's the result of the soccer production - it is FAR from perfect, but it came out close to what I was looking for.

Never mind. The darned thing never uploaded. Tried twice. Thrice. Bupkiss. Disappointment abounds, at the moment, though I was able to put it onto CD's and distribute at the last game of the season. Grrr to the Mac for my frustration - but YAY for the kids, who had a GREAT season!

Moving up

2010-06-10T06:26:00.000-07:00

I can clearly remember watching the Jeffersons, the striped carpet beneath my then firm and trim butt, as my brothers shared the couch and my dad did work in his big chair. It was a concession, he found the mildly bigoted humor somewhat entertaining, and it kept us, usually, from bickering in quite as shrill a voice as we sometimes used. The theme song, "Moving on Up" echoes in my imagination - not sure I'd call what's left up there a mind, but that's a different story - along with my younger brother belting it out over the top of the tele. My older brother hitting him. My younger brother singing louder. You get the visual.

Yesterday was a bitter sweet moment for us, as a family. Orin, who came to us a bit late in life (Beckey was 6.5, I was 37, and Jerry was 52) has finished the part time education portion of his childhood. He put in one year of 3 short days a week as a 3-4 year old, and one year of 5 short days a week (actually 2 of those days weren't so short - 9-2:30) as a 4-5 year old, including 11 hrs. per week of Hebrew Immersion with Elinur, whose energy and investment is phenomenal. Orin can speak and listen in Hebrew. He can sing in Hebrew. He knows Hebrew prayers, and can recite them w/out even thinking about it. The program, all full of flouncy tutus and oil pastels, has been awesome for him. He loved the English class, with Micki and Vicki, and the Hebrew class, with Elinur and Vicki, but mostly he just loved Vicki. He came home with me one Friday, after their nifty little Shabbat ceremony in class, and he sat very quietly in the backseat. We carpooled on T-W-Th, so our Monday and Friday drives together were usually special. We'd talk, sing, be silly. Today he was morose, which for a four year old with a pretty charmed life seemed odd. So I asked, and he quite willing told me what the matter was. He proposed to Vicki, and she turned him down. His eyes filled with tears. "She said she's already married!" he whispered. The tears spilled down his soft cheeks. "Oh honey!" I gasped. I knew he loved her, I knew he liked her, I didn't realize he knew that loving someone meant you marry them, I was thinking more along the lines of making them a lovely picture with washable markers. He fell hard for poor Vicki, who wiped his snotty nose for picture day and resolved disputes over legos and trucks with all the charm and love a nursery school teacher SHOULD have. When everybody grows up, they should want to be Vicki. In my world, everybody would be moving up, along with my little graduate, who continues to say that he is making this volcano spewing lava blood for his Vicki (even if he just stuffs them into his drawer for 'that time when we see Vicki' and doesn't ever actually pass them on).

In other news, he made $1.50 selling fresh squeezed lemonade, which he split even-steven with Maia who helped squeeze, stir, and entertain the neighborhood with their incredible antics. I think people were much more willing to pay up for the entertainment than the lemonade, though it was good.

Beckey has been at Nature's Classroom, which has been a lonely thing for me, I do miss my girl!

(gratuitous pic of Beckey)

But I'm sure she's had a brilliant time, she loves just about everything they do there! Two disposable cameras later, I'm sure we'll see the pillow fight and the tail end of someone's tuchas climbing a tree-ladder to walk the high ropes, and possibly an eft found along the nature trail. It's all good there, and she comes home so charged up and full of spirit (and attitude) that it's hard to find fault in her missing an entire week of Aikido. Or two, since last week there were 4 softball games and a concert that filled every SINGLE night of the week. Exhausting.

Life is good, we're movin' on up!

I can't hear you!

2010-06-05T17:57:00.000-07:00

These guys moved into a house right behind us - noisy but cute, we have put up with their flighty behavior for over a month now. We watch them from the kitchen window, while sipping afternoon tea on the deck, and they have given us a great show. They provide for each other and their new come chicks with all kinds of debris from the universe around us. Happily enough, I have actually learned their call. In spite of the fact that I came VERY close to accepting a place at UCT in Ornithology, I really can't tell the difference between very many birds. LBJ's (little blue, little brown, or little black jobbers) and then crows, pigeons, robins, woodpeckers I can distinguish visually and auditorially from other birds, but rarely from each other, red winged blackbirds, and now these fellas - black capped chickadees. There are times I wonder whether it is this pair singing to each other, or perhaps some of the jays, or robins. I really can't tell. I have sat outside listening intently for hours. I have listened online to recordings over and over. I have played with that cool book - the one you get to actually hear the birds sing and see the picture so you can put the two together - if anyone is thinking of a late birthday gift for me - or an early christmas/chanukah one! - this would be IT! I have no ability to distinguish birds by sound. At all. Chick-a-chick-a-dee-dee-dee! Ok, that one I think I've got. But if they didn't live eight inches from me, I wouldn't. Birds are WAY more complex and cool than people give them credit for - most people, anyway. Listen for the birds. They sing of the air, peace in the leaves of the trees, alarm in the grass. Listen, for the birds sing of the air.

Precious limits

2010-06-01T08:26:00.000-07:00

There is a very fine line between being precious and believing life is precious. Very fine. A parent who never gets angry at a kid for anything probably isn't doing that kid any favors - they will certainly get the feedback that their behavior (actions, words, or otherwise) isn't copacetic, but from a less loving and forgiving audience. Like classmates. But always getting on your kids' backs about little stuff isn't good for them, or us, either. I find myself short tempered occasionally (ahem.) and finding I have to remind myself (literally, the voice speaks in my head and says: reminder! you have overdue library books and quit yelling at your kids!) to appreciate that they are kids, they are imperfect, they are learning how to do stuff (like not yell at people just 'cause you don't like what they are doing), and frequent yelling really just lowers the bar for everyone. Otoh, if you wait too long, if you don't remind them that you love who they are enough, if you forget to remind them to walk out of the pill popping party, if you forget to yell at them for leaving towels to molder or food under the bed for weeeeeeks, you do risk sending them out into the world unprepared. In the past month, 2 stories of young (young! like 18/19 years old) boys who were smart, athletic, popular, funny, good in and at school, liked by parents and coaches and teachers and kids alike - are dead. Dead from overdosing on pills that they probably didn't even know how to identify. Dead as doornails in their pookashells and board shorts. This one is Henry Louis. One of two, one of I don't know HOW many beautiful boys with futures and potential, families who truly loved them, who did consider them precious in the weave of their family and the fabric of the future. With mothers who nursed them endless hours and woke with them to fever and vomit, who stayed awake for them through proms and dates, who felt their pain of rejection, and their ecstasy in the win. There is so much sadness in these losses, it is so incredibly deep - like the fissures in Greenland that go through the ice and down into the ground, where heat escapes into the air from the bowels of the earth. Something like this brings it's heat and stink into the world irreparably. There is no recovery, the scars never ever go away. Did these parents fail their kids? Did they do enough?

Parents have the job of fledging children, not protecting them indefinitely. There is some place, some time, when a child does separate from their core family, and move into the world on their own. There isn't a prescriptive or correct method to this madness, a new nest gets built, and they have to sleep in it. If they build it out of friable combustible degraded material, it will not support, and a parent should give warning, should offer to assist. But the kid has to, HAS to figure out how to build this nest themselves and build it out of strong friendships, good decisions, and sound direction. It won't be perfect, it won't work every time, because this precious child is also imperfect and will fail sometimes. Their hearts will break, they'll get sick, and they'll make some bad decisions. Kids rebound, but there are limits. The precious limits of toxic overload (usually from mixing (possibly unidentified) pills with or without liquor), of fights that get out of control, of despair. The limits of precious that help us see our children for their imperfect selves, and the possibility that they need help from us, even after they have fledged, though hopefully before you are sitting with them in ICU.

Note to self: return library books, love on my kids a lot.

Dirty Jobs challenge!

2010-05-19T12:08:00.001-07:00

There are some really dirty jobs in life. The ones on TV are ok, but honestly, some of them, not so bad! Today I scrubbed toilets, cleaned puke off the carpets and seats in the van, picked up dog crap from the yard, did 4 loads of laundry (so far) and sludged out the utility sink (that the washing machine dumps into). Is it just my family, or is doing laundry GROSS!? I am definitely of the opinion that Mike Rowe should be a Mommy for a month. I bet he TOTALLY makes us laugh cleaning up blow-out diapers, scrubbing vomit off the wall by the bed, cleaning out the fridge (after how many years?), or cleaning up the bathroom after a gang of kids. Disgusting!

Cleaning bathrooms is a mom-job that is not, perhaps, my forte. Loving my kids is just not enough. Neither is cooking for them, washing them, nursing them back to health, or reading to them. Not to mention keeping them clothed, teaching them to speak, walk, jump, skip, hop, paint, write, love, share, rock in a rocking chair w/out tipping over backwards, ride a plastic dinosaur, empty their pockets before putting pants in the laundry, and about 3 trillion other skills that everyone expects everyone else to know. Speaking of which: in the laundry crap bucket this morning:

1 dinosaur
1 astronaut
36 cents
1 acorn top
several very clean dollars
1 sticker of an apple
1 bus pas (probably no good any more anyway, but ya never know!)
1 movie ticket stub
1 small yellow eraser
1 black pen
1 lip gloss
1 bouncy ball (small)
a pr of blue sunglasses
and a koala bear.And some clothes - I swear!

I know that there is satisfaction to be taken from having a clean house, clean, well behaved kids, and at least something to eat round about sunset (or before, in these parts). I know this in my head and heart. But it doesn't feel very satisfying to me. I'm not sure what would work better, since going to a job wouldn't mean that JAC would stay home and do all this work. It would mean me yelling at him and them to HELP OUT, and still doing most of it myself, and going to work. Not really positive change, imo. But honestly, the level of grossity that we have reached (you do NOT want to know what blueberry pancakes look like after about 2.5 hrs. of digestion) is beyond anything I may have ever imagined being a parent would be, when we started on this journey almost 12 yrs ago. It's amazing, the crap I bag and tag. I'd be much better off in the ME's office, except I couldn't STAND cutting into a body, even a dead one. I love being a mom, but there are some SERIOUS drawbacks - one's even Mike Rowe is too scared to take on. :D

Mother's Day Revisited

2010-05-09T04:15:00.000-07:00

I was 35 weeks pregnant, had just survived my first round of sciatica (and was bound to have 2 more gruesome events before the pregnancy was over) and was, as I recall, feeling pretty great! I woke early as usual, about 6am, and went for my walk - a neighborhood walk up to Blundell, past the Safeway Plaza and down into the residential section South of Blundell and West of No. 2 Rd. Walk walk walk heading mostly South, out onto Francis, and up Minler. When I got back home, that Sunday, Jerry was up, and I didn't even realize the sanctity of that moment, he and I (with my big ass and bigger belly) alone, together. He cooked breakfast with his sure strong hands, trying not to speak with me too much, to just enjoy the morning. He brought me a card, signed from the Greeble, and some flowers he'd picked up the night before and cut and laid into a simple vase. He poured me juice and whipped the eggs. He was overwhelmed, I knew, as was I, with the enormity of our endeavour - this baby, the greeble, was going to be here by Father's Day, but not (hopefully) Mother's Day. So instead of waiting 11 months for my own celebration of parenthood, Jerry made this day special for me. I have lost to the memory vault many of the specifics, I remember going to Van Dusen Gardens, a place we celebrated quite a few birthdays and events, and I remember his efforts over the stove that warm Mother's Day morning before I was even the mother of the girl we know today. I remember feeling loved, and that being a mama might be scary and stepping into a great unknown, but it was also filled with potent love, deep and steadying.

Today, as I walked around the neighborhood, a different neighborhood in a different country, 12 years later, my children (and husband) sleeping soundly and warm in their beds, I have not a whit of regret for what got left behind in my life, in order to make this work. I know there are real moments of frustration and feeling fed up with all that it takes to make everything run smoothly - or at least sort of smoothly! - but I would not trade this job for all the accolades, awards, or gold in the world. When I came in, Jerry was in the kitchen, cleaning up a sinkful of plates from Chinese food last night. He asked me if I would like breakfast before taking the older one to her religion class, before teaching there myself, and I said I would LOVE breakfast - his breakfast. Because he may not be mushy or say I love you enough to me or make love to me often enough or remember to say thank you for dinner or the 8 trillion loads of laundry or for wiping the piss off the toilet, but he sure makes a mean breakfast!

Recent pics with the new HS10

2010-04-22T18:54:00.001-07:00

Theresa took the one of Zami, and Beckey took the squirrel. I took the boring ones - except Brooke, kicking ass in a game the girls won 23-9. Woah.

365 x 2

2010-04-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

In 2007 I joined with a small group of gals to document our year - 365 photos that showed everything from our luxuries to our loves, our despair to the beauty of nature. Lots of pictures of our kids, food, books, husbands, yards, windows. It was a ton of fun, we all really enjoyed it. Now that I have a great new tool, I plan to do this again! I am very excited. I started it the day I got the camera, and am keen to continue to click pics.

Meanwhile, tomorrow I repeat a different 365 - a year ago Tuesday, I cooked a ton of food for the teachers and staff at Beckey's school - an appreciation luncheon. Lots of people purchased, baked, boiled, broiled, washed, cut, and schlepped food to thank and celebrate all the hard work that they do for our kids. We may pay out for it, but I, among others, are keen to appreciate and be grateful for their hard work and caring. This year it will be dairy-free pumpkin-cupcakes with (tofu) cream cheese topping and shaved dark chocolate, cut fruit, and maybe something else, cookies? Lemon bars? I'm on dessert duty, which is fun.

And in other repeat performances, the ASO is offering their annual kiddie concert at Ohav Shalom on Wednesday. Somehow I have beein reigned in to do driving, again - I will have now seen it more than 5 times! Ilyse has Ben's Bar Mitzvah next weekend, and Amy is working, so happy me will drive, get Starbucks, return and drop the kids at school, then go off and do something ... productive. I don't resent it, really, I sort of wistfully wish I had something better going on, but I don't. Writing is slow right now - happening, but slow. So high ho, high ho. I'm off to the ASO. duh dum da dum duh dum da dum high ho, high ho high ho high ho ...

Plunging

2010-04-11T14:24:00.000-07:00

I felt OCD, like perhaps medication would have helped, wondered whether other people experience this, contemplated why is this so hard, and considered whether I was getting trapped in a candid camera commercial. Pulling the trigger on the purchase of a durable household good simply should NOT be this hard. I miss living in places where the level of information, choice, and variety of goods is much more limited, making purchasing goods EASY. There may not always be the perfect fit of product to need, but generally people manage with what is available; move on, and make do. Having to choose between 300+ cameras was painful in the extreme! Even narrowing it down to 5 or 6 was hard, because this store doesn't carry Canons, that one doesn't carry Sony, this other one over there doesn't carry Olympus or Fuji or Canon, but has lots of Sony and Panasonic... so no one stop shopping except for the big box stores, which don't carry the type of camera I really was looking for. Midway between here and there is where I wanted to land, unfortunately there was broken glass and much rock at the bottom, and not a lot of water to cushion the leap - treacherous territory. Having taken the plunge, I feel I can get back to washing floors, watching trampoline flips, and driving carpool. Phew! I never thought I'd appreciate the drudgery, honestly, but I do. Clicking my heals and meaning it!

Tomorrow I go try to improve the status of midwives in NY which is looking to be an all day event - for sure I can do the AM part, the PM part is still a maybe, as it's O's first day back to school in 2 weeks. I'd like to - I haven't visited Senator Breslin since I lobbied for no-mo-GMO a few yrs ago (Orin was in the Ergo), but if he's very ornery I am ok giving it a pass. Orin, not the Senator lol!

I am also really looking forward to getting some big work done on my writing this next 2 weeks. I am afraid I am getting stuck in a place that is a little slow, and I am not wanting to plateau yet. I want more done, I want it to sear and bubble before it plateaus. Loving the work!

Vacation has come and gone, Easter baskets filled, dumped, consumed, eggs dyed, eggs found,
feast feted and Passover matzo smeared and salted. I enjoyed the passover feast better than the Easter spread, more sides, more veggies, but I know JAC likes his Easter ham, so I celebrate that it was all good, and all us. Family celebrations ROCK! It is helping me to let go of needing Beckey to Bat Mitzvah, though why she wouldn't want to still kind of escapes me.

Take your best shot!

2010-04-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

It is hard for me to believe, concieve, that I am the only person out there with the following qualifications:

*soccer/softball mom (football, rugby, lacross and track would absolutely count, my kids just don't do those)
*interested in both macro and telephoto options
*camera and computer literate, but not fluent, and not really interested in learning the whole language
*limited in budget mostly because spending more doesn't get ME more, though it does buy more whistles and bells
*the time has come to get a better, bigger zoom, camera. 3x zoom on the little pocket camera isn't cutting it too many times.

Do I need all of the fancy attributes like panoromic 260 shooting and burst photography? Not really. I want a good steady camera that can take pics from behind the outfield or up into the roller coaster, that has a fast aperture and ISO setting, and a low F-stop. I want something big enough to hold comfortably, small enough and light enough to accompany on a short-ish hike. I'm not taking it backpacking, just wanting it to be able to move w/out a backpack of it's own. I don't want multiple lenses, I can't afford them and am likely to damage them moving them back and forth. I'd rather not have to use a tripod most of the time, so HUGE doesn't seem fitting. I do like a view finder, because sometimes outside, the LCD is hard to read. I do want an SD card because despite all the Mac equipment I've clung to all my life, I actually like being able to communicate easily between computers and printers at home and in shops where I am likely to print my photos.

So what are the options???

#1 on my list right now is the Fuji Finepix HS10. which no one has in stock right now. It's at Amazon, so I could buy it ($500 no card, no reader), and return it if I don't like it, but I pay shipping return, which isn't free, and I shouldn't have to pay to just try out a nice new camera. I could drive down to NYC and pick one up, hold it, at B&H photo. But again, that's 5hrs+ of driving just to get to touch one of these little ladies? Hmmm. Or I can wait. It could be MONTHS before it is in local stores, so forget this being a b'day gift.

#2 on my list is the Canon XS1is which has a lot of what the Fuji has, but the Fuji has a longer lens (would I use it, or need it?), and the Canon has a fully articulated LDC. The Fuji also has a really cool little sensor at the viewfinder (in addition to the manual button) that knows when you are looking through the viewfinder, so it automatically switches between the two for you. Kinda cool. :D Fuji also has a fully manual (no electronic) zoom, so I never have to wait for the zoom engine to catch up with me. I really like the physical feel of zooming, something very kinesthetic about doing it myself that I like. Canon has a great reputation for quality build (and the little Elph I have has been great that way - 3 years and counting!), where as the Fuji's I've had haven't made it past the 3 yr mark yet. On one the lens went, on the other the power toggle collapsed. The Canon is slightly more expensive, about 10% more.

#3 is a big jump down - a savings of $150 is nothing to sneeze at! But the trade offs are big too. To keep to the basics (SD card, 18x+ Optical zoom, 8MP+, 2 or 3 stabilizers, viewfinder, and a quick turnover (shot to shot time), I eliminate about 1/2 of the options out there (that use XD or other memory cards, that are too slow, that don't have viewfinders, or that don't stabilize well enough for the big lens) leaving a small number that all sort of tie for 3rd place.

There's the Panasonic Lumix, which is slower than either the Canon or the HS10, the smaller lighter, less wonderful Canon SX20is, and the Nikon Coolpix P100. They are fine cameras, but none of them have all of the things I'm looking for. The Nikon comes closest, using a CMOS sensor that allows the camera to take somewhat better photos of moving objects (like my soccer star) or in low light (like at parties and amusement parks at evening or at night). It is an improved technology, not new, but better than it used to be and better than the more traditional CCD sensor that has been used in small cameras for more than a decade of digital photography. The SX20is uses a CCD still, but the SX1is uses the CMOS, as does the HS10.

So - can anyone help me figure this out? It's just slightly more money than I am comfortable spending w/out repercussion.

Religious Crisis

2010-03-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

Being Jewish, a religious crisis could easily be tanks and loss of lives in the East Bank, or Gaza, strained international relations, and global tag with armed support. Thankfully, this particular crisis is NOT about loss of life, though it might be loss of income. Not ours, the Synagogues. I'm not sure that this is about the Synagogue we belong to at all, but I am having a serious crisis of faith in why I persist in being a Jew, practicing Judiasm, wanting Jewery. I think, on my most visceral level, that I like the depth of belonging to something old. No one knows when whomever in my family did first commit to a single, omnipotent God, did that. Turn of the 1st Century? Turn of the 10th Century? 1840? There is no record, written or otherwise. Perhaps someday I will write about that.
Second, I like that there is this tribe of people out there that I can relate to on a level in addition to: sports, politics, weather patterns, entertainment. Jews are just about everywhere, and in general do a good job taking care of each other, especially in times of need. Being part of this little club means, well, I'm part of the club! Being Bat Mitzvah and a member is ... what? What does one 'gain' from going through the process?

I am having this crisis, I think, because Rebecca is in Religious school in order to become Bat Mitzvah. She can't, however, become Bat Mitzvah when she 'should', because there is a rule in this Synagogue (which I doubt is very unique) that each child must go through 4 years of religious education before they are eligible for Bar or Bat Mitzvah. So I am thinking through why we want to do this, more and more, as she is increasingly coming under scrutiny to participate at a specific (minimal) level, OR ELSE! (says the rabbi)

On some level there is Jewish education, in addition to education. For her Bat Mitzvah, like I did, she will lead the congregation in the Friday night and Saturday morning services (though not a Rabbi, so not technically in charge), and she offers her words in the sermon. She's done presentations, she gets exposed to that in both school and scouts (she's already presented to both adults and kids, and will continue to do so in both groups). Coming 'of age' means becoming indebted to Judiasm, to the Jewish community. The child is now able to do as much in the Jewish world as an adult - get married, participate in a minyan, say the Kaddish. However, according to Jewish law, she can do these without Bat Mitzvah. In fact there is no law anywhere in the torah about the ceremony we now call Bar or Bat Mitzvah; it's a convention. So this is me, buying into the social convention of Bat Mitzvah because...do I have a good reason? Do I need a good reason? Does it give my child a goal, a specifically Jewish goal, after which ... what? She is required by no law to participate in Jewery, believe in Judiasm, or do anything Jewish if she doesn't want to. If she wants this, the education and the party surrounding her coming of age, I can support it. If she doesn't, I refuse to buy into the litany of ridiculous rules, mostly random, that guide the education of a Jewish child into their bar or bat mitzvah. It sure seems to be that doing the ceremony by itself, without the education and understanding, is useless to both the child and the community. But doing the education, and letting the ceremony go? That feels right. It feels less like a fake Christmas (or Halloween in February), than wanting to know more and understand her own history. She can decide for herself, even as a child, whether this is something that she WANTS to do, as I can find no earthly reason to do it (other than the gifts).

It isn't that I don't want to pay, or that she shouldn't feel supported to go through this process. I'm simply not convinced that, being a non-believer, it is not entirely hypocritical for me to pursue this line of faith, with or without Rebecca. She will, someday, regret having had to go through it - or having not gone through it - either way. So I will leave the door open for now, understanding that there are 3 weekends we will lose her to overnight camp, many Sundays that she will be cooped up and under-appreciated, and her understanding of the history and culture of the Jews will expand - for better and for neutral.

School, school, and more school.

2010-03-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

Although he's five already, Orin didn't make the cut off for Kindergarten this year. He's been attending the Temple Israel Nursery School, which I can't say enough good things about. He went there last year too, and loved it. Because he's on the older side, and because I was worried about him getting bored, we signed him up for the Hebrew Immersion class, which meets twice a week after the English class for about 2 hrs, and twice a week from 9-1. Once a week he has just the English class 9-1. So he goes 5 days a week, and half the week he has half days, half the week he goes 9-2:30. I thought in addition to the language development aspect, he would be getting ready for full day 5 days a week Kindergarten, which can otherwise be a big surprise for kids who are going to nursery school 3 days a week, half day. I liked the transition, and I liked the extra time it gave me.

He's been happy with the school, but he surely does complain about having to speak in Hebrew during the Hebrew class! It is actually making him work a little bit, for the first time, and he is feeling it. He is also very good at it. At this point in the year, he can listen and respond in Hebrew to most comments from his teacher (Teacher in Hebrew: You got a haircut, Joshua got a haircut - what's with all this haircuts! Orin in Hebrew: I don't know! Me (in English): Springtime! Teacher in Hebrew: Yes! Pesach!). He can count to thirty easily, knows the names of common classroom/household items, colors, seasons, weather, and songs and dances. He prides himself on being able to help Beckey with her Hebrew homework! Complain comshplaine. He's proud and working hard and this is all good. Even at 5.

So what's to happen for Kindergarten? I considered three private and the public option (no, not THAT public option!). Public is very crowded (24/class), and there is a real emphasis on 1) table skills (worksheets, being quiet, coloring within the lines kind of stuff) 2) hitting goals of public curriculum for Kindergartners (reading readiness, writing skills, adding and subtraction concepts, numerology). There is no science, history, music, art, or language (as in: foreign) requirements, and little is achieved there. Art on a cart, weekly gym and music (until that gets cut with new budget cuts), and a cotton candy party for Thanksgiving. Not what I can call quality, and not going to keep this one engaged. My guess is that unengaged, he will become trouble for the teacher, himself, and the other students. Eek!

Private option 1: too small. Otherwise wonderful, but the classes are teeny.
Private option 2: excellent choice, great class size and nice curriculum, but little in the way of student led learning.
Private option 3: Montessori. The plusses were enormous, the minuses small. And he LOVED his classroom visit. LOVED it. We have made our choice, and are loving that he loves this option. All I can hope for is that he continues to love it long after the agony of the choosing is forgotten.

This is not WHMS, it is the Rockford Montessori Preschool in Michigan. Orin's classroom looks interchangeable, except it has huge feathered headdresses hanging on the wall, and drawn images of the circulatory system on life size cutouts of their little preschool bodies. Pictures of their prenatal sonograms are taped to the door. And there are fish and guinea pigs and a turtle, or maybe it's a frog? There is music playing, and there is wooden furniture, not plastic. Things are labeled in Spanish as well as English, and there are about 1/3 of all the books in the classroom library in Spanish.

Back at it

2010-03-18T07:44:00.001-07:00

Oh and the ideas just keep flowing! Things I've considered lately:

Thinking of how one might build their own steamer for making hot steamed soy chai, and then realizing that the Starbucks chai mix is really SO much better than the Tazo mix...there's no comparison. leaving me still paying 4.80 per, and delaying the wondrous kick start that they give my day, often for hours.

Why adults do things to stop kids from thinking so wonderfully, differently. School, social niceties, loss of freedoms as a result of poor behavior in other places (grounding/punishment) all stop kids from thinking things that, though they may not always be original, are often quite aside from the norm (meaning, where parents expect their children to be, what teachers expect of children). Orin has come up with some very original thoughts lately, things like which part of God is in him, and what color an egg is before it is ripe. My first thought was: why would he think these things? My second, I am SO glad he is thinking these things! And it was then that I decided against public school. It isn't even so much that teachers/schools expect children to think inside specific boxes, but that there is a tremendous amount of pressure on children by other children to think in specific ways. He chose to wear long johns to school today, though it is due to be 60F again, because they are orange. He thinks orange is cheerful, and he says he likes to bring cheerful pants to school, where some of the kids (younger, typically) are sad. Who wears clothes to bring cheer? Amazing! Why would an adult ever want to restrict a child from wearing inappropriate clothing that bring cheer or think about the color of eggs? I love it!

Also considered: never, ever vote for me for any political position. Ever. I can't resist even a twinkie, nor a single girl scout cookie! There is no WAY I'd be a good politician, no matter how good my intentions.

How grateful I am not to have been living this lifetime in some previous era. More sickness, less intellect in the general population, severe governments, prolific wars, unspeakable violence everywhere. I'll pass and be grateful for NOW. And hope that improvements continue to make living a positive, joyous experience.

Wondering about living abroad with children. How different, difficult, delicious it would be.

Thinking of the paperwork still to do. Not happily: school paperwork for Orin, registration w/the school district for Orin, and taxes. I did manage to finish my census paperwork. :D

Trying to squeeze in a weekend away...maybe w/Beckey, Theresa and Catherine. But when??

There was more, ideas that fleet so fleetingly that I hardly have time to trace their outline, let alone giving them time to take root. Summer camps, dinner, getting a new container garden planted. Loving being alive!

2010-03-18T04:59:00.000-07:00

Hmmm- has it really been since October? And I have exactly 22 minutes to write, before having to feed the boy, make his lunch, brush his teeth, and scoot out the door for carpool? Well, that sucks. Because right now I feel inspired like I haven't for eons to write something here, something to share.

First off, I want to thank you if you read this. I appreciate your visit.

Secondly, it is SPRING here! There are daffys pushing up through the cold, wet dirt. We are raking the last of the fall debris off the lawn with regularity now - it should be gone by summer. And we are whiling away time outdoors in shirtsleeves! How wonderful it feels! Rejuvenation is the word of the day! I hope some of the excitement we feel about this is coming over to you, because it is a fabulous, season-only feeling that I know I missed in places where I didn't live in 4 season weather. It's special, the life and death of the floral world. The grass is still brownish, and most of the trees are still bare, but the birds are back in force, loud and cheerful as ever, and the last of the snow is in piles under the trees, in the shade. A couple more days of near 60F weather, and it'll be gone! Woot woot!

Thirdly, I am feeling productive in ways I haven't for eons. Like scrubbing the corners of the kitchen floor, making food that is both healthy and tasty, and using up stuff from the freezer. The downstairs freezer, the one tucked into a corner of the boiler room where food goes in, and in and in. Food is now coming back out - something about the melting snow makes me want to empty these large refrigerating devices and defrost them, clean them out completely.

Fourthly, I can do my walks outside, 3+ miles on a regular basis, and not give myself pneumonia. The cold here is merciless. I see joggers out on those freezing wintry mornings, or worse - at night - and wonder how their physical bodies cope with that kind of stress! I'd kill myself trying to do that. So being able to power walk outside with the birds and the bees is a really refreshing activity. If I want to, I can drive down to the Pine Bush or some other nice trail and spend 45 minutes out there, which so far I'm ok skipping. Even just the paved roads hold, for me right now, the powerful life of Spring, that awesome sight of color and mud and life that has been missing for so many months.

Lastly, it seems like it's been forever since I wrote anything about us, our little family. Beckey has had an amazing year - starting with being in Seussical, making choices that are important to her, having good friends, enjoying the year in Sherrie's class, working assiduously on her school materials, and having a great ski season with Dad. Orin has grown a lot, he's not such a peanut now! And he's doing a great job of sharing with his friends and enjoying the entertainment possibilities of the Mario Brothers on his DS. He's starting to get sight words and feels so proud when he reads, though he is not exactly bursting to do it. Soccer season is heading our way, and I hope he has a great time again this Spring! Jerry has had a mostly healthy year, since he was sick sick sick in the Fall. Actually, I don't think he missed even a day being sick since he had that lung crud in October/November. I have had a couple illnesses, but recovered well. I've been writing pretty steadily, dropped 20lbs, and have my A1C back under the limit. I've committed to teaching another class next year on Jewish Culture, which should be interesting, and have enjoyed teaching the Ethical Dilemmas class this year. I've had a couple interesting speakers in, watched movies, and given the kids a lot to think about - peer pressure, family ethics, legal and medical ethics, etc. It's been fun and interesting!

Ok, my time is up. Happy St. Patty's yesterday to everyone, happy Pesach and Easter coming. Enjoy the love around you, the colors electric and all the lovely bones.

To your health

2009-10-28T19:27:00.001-07:00

Health care is not really that complicated. Right now, in this country, there's three kinds of health care, the kind before you get sick, the kind when you are sick, and the emergency my kid just flipped off his bike and his brains are leaking kind. There's also a HUGE army of people who support all of these folks, the thousands of nurses and technicians. Some of them are overworked and underpaid, some of them are well paid and have great working conditions. In all of these cases, they are ALL required by every society. From the mountainous jungles of Papua New Guinea to the urban jungles of Chicago and NY, everyone has moments (or loved ones who have moments) when they need the services of a well trained doctor.

As I understand it, the first kind requires a small army of people who can diagnose, read pictures, are compassionate and kind and have time for people, enjoy being exposed to colds, flus, and the chicken pox, and who don't mind popping boils or checking on hemorrhoids. This group used to include people who liked to birth babies, make house calls, and be there with the priest (or Rabbi) at the end of life, but not so much now a days. Now it's more about prescriptions and vaccinations, but the idea remains the same. In general, the costs from these visits is reasonably low, with the possible exception of some expensive lab tests which can run into the thousands.

The second kind require specialists but they ALSO have to be good with people. They deal with cancer, lupus, MS, CFS, CP, benign brain tumors, endocrine fuck ups, and a hundred thousand other chronic problems that people suffer from. They have long term relationships with their patients, like the first folks, but they are also only seen BECAUSE you are sick, like the 3rd folks. This coverage is typically much more expensive than your typical well check or pap smear; they perform more tests, and may offer new, cutting edge science to help with specific problems. Their role is to improve the quality of life of people, as well as save lives and detect illnesses. Nothing easy about this job, folks.

So then there's the 3rd kind, which is kind of like the 2nd kind, except these are the smarty pants who will fix your daddy's broken artery, who shave bones, mend burns, and play Lotto with nerve endings. Remember Lotto? Ok. So these folks really don't have to have the people skills of the first or second group. They work fast and furiously to save life or limb (or both), and have no time to connect to the patient as a whole person, it's all about the brains leaking out of the helmet, or controlling the stroke that is currently paralyzing that sweet old woman from down the block. They perform miracles, or try to, and are the front line of our critical care medical personnel. This part is UBER expensive, requiring every resource available, including ambulances (by air, land, and sea), surgeries, medicines, anesthetics, tests, pictures, etc.

How do other places figure out how to include 1) everyone who needs medical coverage (that'd be everyone) and 2) all the people in the first and third, and as many in the second group as humanely possible (do you eliminate the cancer specialists? the endocrine specialists? the dermatologists?) without breaking the bank? Evidently, France is the #1 country for health coverage (Bismark system) in terms of statistics, but the Nordic countries for customer satisfaction. Australia and Japan both scored well for survivor rates, and many Asian countries for combining a private/public system that stresses diet and exercise (gentle, like tai chi) as a method for dealing with stress, aging, and genetic propensity for disease. In Canada, there are abundant sport and leisure halls across the country, very low cost or free for residents. They generally include skating, swimming, and have gyms where people row, step, or walk/run according to their ability. They don't need a membership to an expensive YMCA or gym, they just need to walk or drive down the road. Kids are 30% leaner there, parents do more with sport on a regular basis (ok, a lot of this is hockey, I know, but still - they are getting out on the ice and mooooving!), and honestly, there is more FUN to be had within the family doing stuff than sitting around playing video games! They GET it!

It costs less to keep a healthier population healthy. Per capita, we spend way more than any other country in the world on health care (about US$17,000 per person per year), where as it's closer to US$6000 in Canada and US$4500 in Australia (possibly even less in France, where Viagra isn't covered because, as we heard, ze franchmen zey do not need zis!). And we still don't get it right! Have you known someone who went years without getting checked at the doctor (did they say outright that this is because of money? My friends won't say it outright, but a $20+ co-pay for every doctor visit sure adds up!), or kids who don't get mental health assistance, or parents who don't get marriage counseling etc etc etc. This is a long list, and we haven't even gotten to people who can't afford cancer treatment, who don't test their blood or take meds for diabetes or high blood pressure. It does come down to being the one who is responsible for your own health (and of the health of the people whom you love the most - parents, children, spouses, siblings etc.). If you choose to slack off every day, eat junk, and don't eat healthy foods (meaning foods that assist your body in being healthful), if you choose to eliminate organic from your grocery list because it's more expensive, realize that that choice may have very expensive consequences. Cancer is SO freaking expensive. But that's a far away bridge, hopefully one you don't have to cross ever, but god forbid, and worse, it happens to your son or daughter, you will have to live and die with those burdens.
There is no easy way to shift from a system that seeks only to get ahead and earn the holy dollar to one that respects the integrity of life of all Americans. Mistakes are going to be made. But basically there needs to be a card that says "this is me, and I am entitled to live here and be healthy". A beaurocracy already exists, Medicare and Medicaid already care for so many Americans. Tightening up this ship, and making this coverage available to every single American is not that far away - but it does depend on the heartfelt charity of our leaders, reverence for a high quality of life, and yeah, a little elbow grease from your average shlump. I will send out this prayer to your health, because you are alive, and you, just like me, have a body that requires fine tuning. Not being perfect relates to our physical and non-physical bodies. As hard as it will be to figure this out, there is almost nothing more important to the health and happiness, the potential productivity, future economy, and greatness, of this incredible nation than taking care of ourselves 100%.

What we don't know might just kill us.

2009-10-26T09:37:00.000-07:00

This may not be popular (amongst whom - only a few friends read this, and I don't really think they would care) in general society, but I think the flu is a good thing. I think death is a good thing. I think it's GREAT to be alive, to live, to share, to make love and jump off waterfalls and relax in a hammock. I think it's amazing to birth babies and raise puppies and eat chocolate. I love that we get to do all this in a country where I can choose whether or not to vaccinate myself and my children (in conference w/my amazing husband, who just *might* be reading this). I love how much information there is out there, how many things people can do to make this a better world to be a part of, and how we can share or withdraw ourselves as our moods sway. But I also think it's ok to go back to being part of that BIGGER something, that spiritual only realm that some call god and others energy and even others call Nirvana. I am not afraid of death, and all the people I know who have died (most of whom were old) were not afraid to die. They, and I, are/am afraid of SUFFERING. Medicine was once the realm solely (no pun intended) of retroactive care - I hurt, how can I fix this. Dentistry, surgery, oncology, even mental health are all predominantly in the realm of retroactive health care. GP's are one of the lone surviving groups who can and do care for people proactively, but they are the dying breed. So much of allopatric medicine is focused on specialized (retroactive) care, that the GP can't earn much in comparison. It's the garbage man (I mean sanitation engineer) of the medical establishment - that if you can't cut neurosurgery or handle the emotional weight of oncology, oh go be a GP. Sad sad sad. Dying now means not having to pay bills, take pills, get cleaned up by some nursing staff, be a burden to your family, get Alzheimers, or wonder whether you will fall on this trip to the bathroom, or the next. It's sometimes a blessing when you are in chronic pain and your option is to be chronically doped. It can bring peace to your loved ones and offer solace to those in constant mental pain. Fear of this unknown place, death, is not real, not tangible, but frightening in that something is there, in the dark, a monster waiting for me, kind of way. Will it hurt? Will I like it after I get there? Will I be alone? If we don't know, we don't know. That doesn't make it a bad place. Losing people (me, my children, my husband and parents and siblings included) is ALWAYS sad and hard, but it's not always bad. Selective use of that awful badness of death for children, for those who are murdered by terrorists or crazy people, for those who would never have chosen that outcome, feels appropriate to me, but let's let people die who are done with this place. It's not the only place, in all likelihood, we just don't know.

2009-10-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

How much green
can a green thumb green
if a green thumb
just ain't
green?

I spent the morning wiping O's nose, making soup, reading Olive Kitteridge. It wasn't the easiest read for me, and Orin was busy w/Legos. Come afternoon, regardless of the last 12 pages I have left to read, I decided to venture outside. Miraculously, his nose stopped dripping, we found the hedge clipper in the new back shed (duh, took me a while), and hopped to it. I hadn't gotten two bushes in, before the neighbor's lawn care professional showed up - possibly 19 years old - donned his mask, poured, walked, sprayed. I could smell it from across the street. So could Orin. Send him inside? Hope the wind blows? Resent? Leave a note? It was all so overwhelmingly disgusting to me that I sort of panicked and cut a little deep into the third bush.

Hard decisions are not normally a part of daily life. If we decide to get the chemo, it's not a big debate, usually. If we switch banks or buy a new window, it's not huge. Even the car buying grief I endured three years ago seems trivial next to the future health of my children, and their own progeny. Possibly prodigy. Not likely if we commit them to an earth filled with poison, worms who endure toxic spray multiple times per lifetime. We put up with the voles and moles, quite happily; they don't actually DO much beside tunnel and eat insects. What's not to like? Why do they need to inject poison to be rid of them? What are those people doing on their lawn that they can't have moles co-exist? There is only one old man, maybe beyond his 80's now. I am in disbelief.

It's not that I didn't know that my own neighbors were doing this all along - those bright yellow flags, undated, stick around for days and weeks after a spray. We can't walk the dog much for a few days. And I can really smell the stench of chemicals, like being back in the Greeley lab about a week before end of term. The flags are good - they let the unwary neighborhood traveler know not to get too close, especially those with canine companions. They let kids know that they shouldn't retrieve that football, just go play some tennis. They should be dated, they should be removed with some regularity. But it's better to have them than not. Except that they seriously raise my ire, bright spots of disgust in a world, currently, filled with scarlet maple leaves, scurrying squirrels, and clear blue skies. How to wreck a perfectly good afternoon? Watch that kid dump a bag full of nasties right in front of your lawn, in front of your preschooler, dribbling it into the street and onto your own lawn, while knowing that it is a truly unnecessary evil.

Vacating

2009-07-24T17:50:00.001-07:00

I'm ready for a vacation. I know I just got home, haven't even finished the laundry! The car has lost 9 pounds of sand, the tent is finally dry, the towels are stacked; the camper is back in dry dock, the fridge and cupboards empty, the floor, well, the floor needs to be replaced (another story) but it's clean and everything has been tidied and dried and de-muddified. The trip to the Cape has come and gone, a beautiful trip, a sandy, muddy, cotton candy trip where the kids fished (and caught fish!), Jerry tanned (and burned), and mama read books, lots of good books!
It was a trip where we noticed the flowers,
rode bikes on dirt roads, and enjoyed the freedom of having vacated our lives - phones, jobs, bills, mail, all left 150 miles behind. I didn't think of writing, Rebecca didn't practice Hebrew, Orin left phonetics far behind. There were moments of hammock swinging for us all, finger smashes, bike crashes, jiffy popping, and lots of ice cream. SPF 85 became part of my vocabulary. We found starfish and many kinds of crabs, built/crusaded against/commandeered castles of sand, played games and waded through muddy rain shaped lakes. We ate wonderful food, met people who entertained and were so kind to us.

There were moments of angst, with 5 of us in the 114 sq foot trailer, but we came out of it having had a good time, and knowing ourselves and each other just that much better.

Cha cha cha changes!

2009-07-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

I have been working on a written piece for about 9 years. It's big. Bigger than I am, most days. I keep trying to break it down, make it simpler, systematize the process to bring it into focus. It keeps growing, new characters who add life and color and depth keep popping into my head, out of my head (quite literally, and onto the pages before me). I can't even type-write this thing, it keeps morphing. It isn't ready to be born, obviously, and yet, the changes that it undergoes seem to be part of it's birth, part of the process of making it real.

When I was pregnant with Rebecca, even at the end of my pregnancy, even though I was HUGE, like apartment building huge, it still wasn't 'real'. We didn't HAVE a baby. There were kicks and pains, there was growth and change in my body, but the changes that have wrought the most significant scarring, that have left me shaken and disillusioned about who I was, let alone who I am, they were invisible at that time. And after she was born I was ... unreachable. I focused on her, from diaper to diaper. There were moments of loneliness, of disbelief, anger, frustration, of awe and there were moments I was right out of my mind with mama-lion hormones and insanity. But still it didn't FEEL real. I still felt like this was somehow NOW, not who I was for the rest of my life, Amen. There were moments when I would look at her, her sweaty curls plastered underneath a bucket hat, her fist tight around the handle of a sand shovel, or see the hummus smooshed all over her face and clothes and know, in my soul, that this was the most perfect creation I could ever imagine myself being a part of. But until recently, I don't think I'd matured into understanding that it IS for the rest of my life. I can't ever walk away from who she is, or where, or how. She is constantly with me, as is my little boikie. They are part of every breath, and that change is visceral. There is no going back. It makes the book look like playdough in an artists studio! But both are real to me, and this I take as a symbol of my own maturity. It's new to me (being the late bloomer that I am), but I hope to take it for a nice long ride.

How can I bring this writing into a place where I accept, unconditionally, it's nature. Where I understand that it will continue to change, as my children do, and I will not love it less for the pimples, mistakes, bad language, poor choice of friends, or bad co-ordination in the heat of the game? It's not real, it's not material, and yet...and yet it owns a place. It resides, it grows, it changes. Well, all deliberation on the topic aside, it is clear to me that (for me?) dealing with change is fucking hard.

Making it right

2009-06-28T15:29:00.000-07:00

This is seriously what I think of when my mind wanders back to summer camp. Canoe races, lots of wooden buildings, bunks with foot lockers, dirt trails leading into secretive places, lakes with gleep. Camp Chingachgook (Gin-ga-cook) has all these (and more!). There are things going on there that are just awesome, and the kids come back year after year because they are so much fun. So why did I cry for half the journey home? I couldn't even say goodbye to her counselor, I was blubbering so hard. Well, I admit that I wish it were me, getting ready to swim 220yds, to prove my worth in front of my unknown peers, all of us shivering on the waterfront. I wish it were me, sleeping in my sleeping bag for the first time this summer, on a bunk with a new sheet (green and blue polka dots), a good book, and a weeny little book light. I wish it were me getting up at reveille, passing on polar bear swim, looking at that boy in canoeing. I do. I don't regret any of the years that have passed since I last graced summer camp, but I miss it. I miss being taken care of, being paid for, being part of a cabin, part of a unit that I wasn't responsible for. It's hard being a mom all the time. It's my job to constantly make things right. It's not always fun, or even entertaining, though occasionally it is some of each. But sometimes it's just driving back to the store to return a broken item, or clothing purchased one size too small. Occasionally it means leaving my nice spacious bed with my snuggly warm husband and sleeping in with the stuffed animals and random baby blankets that both my kids love to sleep with, and keeping half awake so I don't fall off the edge of the bed. Sometimes it's just drive - to this friend's house, to school for a forgotten book, to camp. To replace lost items. It's a labor of love from the first moment until you realize that it isn't happening anymore...not very often, anyway.

So I cried my way home from camp, letting Jerry drive, knowing there is no way to make this right. Letting them grow and fly - it's already right, it just hurts. I'd like to compare it to some kind of painful dentistry, or perhaps an appendectomy, but really there's nothing wrong, just hurting. She's in a beautiful place in the world, between childhood and teenhood, on a gorgeous lake, in a wonderful mountainous State Park. It really doesn't get much better. I guess it's already alright.

Old and new, again

2009-06-01T19:01:00.000-07:00

Interesting thing, this facebook revolution. One old timer is going onto World Poker Tournament, some are having babies, families, life changing incidences that we sweep through in two words, rocking their universe, leaving grown men and women shaken and sweaty. A few die, already. Some I feel green meanies growing in my gut, they are living lives I envy and have achieved things I dream about. Others, well, not so much. I look at my little people, sleeping, windows open, and wonder where I'd be without them...Botswana, drinking red bush tea? India, eating curries and picking fruit from the trees in my yard? Lonely? Impressed with all I have achieved, or dismayed at all that I haven't. It's a fun way to kill a few quiet minutes...there are so few, why not really enjoy them!

In reconnecting to people from the past, I have come to appreciate so much more all that I have here, now. My friends, without whom I have no idea how I'd make it through each week. My husband, who has stuck by me think and thin, who was there for the birth of our children, next to me, touching me, connected. To my children, who have learned how to annoy me like no other beings on the planet, and who bring out such joy, pleasure in the moment, and searingly deep love. In an instant it can, it will, all be gone. But for this moment, I have depth of appreciation.

An old car, junk or parts or a home for rats, or sold, rebuilt, repainted, dents removed and retamed, it can sit idle after having driven dutifully for an eon of miles. Loved or not, it becomes part of a landscape of history, same as a dirty diaper or an empty soup can. It doesn't much matter how useful it was (diapers, nothing more useful to the mother of a baby!), or even how much it as loved (my old dolphin necklace is somewhere out there). It is a member of the heap. It is part of a historical clan and, memories not withstanding, it is part of the future, not the past or present. I found out on Facebook that a friend of mine's old car has finally bit the dust, a car I traveled in cross country, up and down the coasts, camping in Yosemite, and across the Mexico border for cases of Tequila.

Luka Benjamin was born the other day, a new old soul. He's part of this heap of today, though he is all about tomorrow - in a tomorrow he will be five, swinging the bat, begging for new cleats. In a tomorrow he will be 16, singing on the rooftop and emulating Kenneth Grahame's Frog. In a heartbeat of tomorrows he will find love, dance between trees, find cures or write interesting things or make beautiful sculpture. Right now he wakes long enough to find a nipple and fart. I found out he was born checking into Facebook.

And so it goes. Game scores, births, deaths. They're all on facebook, where old is new and new is old and it's just plain living to check in and say I'm still here, too.

Why Does this Man Still Have His Job

2009-03-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

I would like to know why he still has his job? I would like to know if he's going to have an audit done. If he's facing insecurity about paying his mortgage? If he's wondering whether there's enough money to fix his teeth or put his kid through school. I'm seriously wondering where the transparency of our behavior comes from - the media? 'Cause that is a dangerous place for us, as Americans, to allow our political, business, NGO, our entire society to remain. I hope that he can believe in the system enough to know that he should step down, because even if he's a nice guy, even if, overall he's an asset to the company, he does not deserve his job. He does not deserve our trust. He made one JUMBO mistake. People have made significantly smaller mistakes and landed in jail, lost their fortunes (not just the fortunes of others), lost their families, their self respect. SMALLER mistakes. Less significant to our entire country. So what is UP with this fella? A NICE guy would make a public apology, and step aside for someone else to pick up the pieces...
About Bank Of America
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Making pizza

2009-03-23T21:09:00.000-07:00

I figure we spend somewhere around $700/mo on food in this household. That includes Jerry's lunches out, my soy chais, and sweets and treats for the kids - some of which we make and some of which we buy. Certainly it is cheaper to buy ingredients than it is to buy take out or restaurant food in general (the good news is that my kids are big fans of places like Panera where soup and salad together cost about $6). I make at least one big pot of soup a week, plus a chili, curry, or other stew like product. We have pasta once a week, and at least once a week I let JAC take over the stove and he makes himself and the kids chicken, steak or chops. The other nights we do something interesting with leftovers, or have take out. I have had serious cravings, lately, for pizza. My friend Sandy turned me on to Spinners, which did have good pizza! I LOVED Lou Bea's, which is super garlicky! And Andriano's is a reliable stand by. The biggest thing these places have in common (aside from being slightly grungy and reeking of pizza) is that they all produce a thin crust pizza. I guess I like thin crust pizzas!! So now I need to find a recipe that allows me to do this at home. I am going to try the one below next. Probably on Thursday. It comes well recommended. Wish me luck!

Peter Reinhart's Napoletana Pizza Dough Recipe

Heidi notes: Peter's recipe says the olive (or vegetable oil) is optional. I use it every time - always olive oil, not vegetable oil. I love the moisture and suppleness it adds to the dough, and it makes your hands soft too.

4 1/2 cups (20.25 ounces) unbleached high-gluten, bread, or all-purpose flour, chilled
1 3/4 (.44 ounce) teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon (.11 ounce) instant yeast
1/4 cup (2 ounces) olive oil (optional)
1 3/4 cups (14 ounces) water, ice cold (40°F)
Semolina flour or cornmeal for dusting

1. Stir together the flour, salt, and instant yeast in a 4-quart bowl (or in the bowl of an electric mixer). With a large metal spoon, stir in the oil and the cold water until the flour is all absorbed (or mix on low speed with the paddle attachment), If you are mixing by hand, repeatedly dip one of your hands or the metal spoon into cold water and use it, much like a dough hook, to work the dough vigorously into a smooth mass while rotating the bowl in a circular motion with the other hand. Reverse the circular motion a few times to develop the gluten further. Do this for 5 to 7 minutes, or until the dough is smooth and the ingredients are evenly distributed. If you are using an electric mixer, switch to the dough hook and mix on medium speed for 5 to 7 minutes, or as long as it takes to create a smooth, sticky dough. The dough should clear the sides of the bowl but stick to the bottom of the bowl. If the dough is too wet and doesn't come off the sides of the bowl, sprinkle in some more flour just until it clears the sides. If it clears the bottom of the bowl, dribble in a tea- spoon or two of cold water. The finished dough will be springy, elastic, and sticky, not just tacky, and register 50 to 55F.

2. Sprinkle flour on the counter and transfer the dough to the counter. Prepare a sheet pan by lining it with baking parchment and misting the parchment with spray oil (or lightly oil the parchment). Using a metal dough scraper, cut the dough into 6 equal pieces (or larger if you are comfortable shaping large pizzas), You can dip the scraper into the water between cuts to keep the dough from sticking to it, Sprinkle flour over the dough. Make sure your hands are dry and then flour them. Lift each piece and gently round it into a ball. If the dough sticks to your hands, dip your hands into the flour again. Transfer the dough balls to the sheet pan, Mist the dough generously with spray oil and slip the pan into a food-grade plastic bag.

3. Put the pan into the refrigerator overnight to rest the dough, or keep for up to 3 days. (Note: If you want to save some of the dough for future baking, you can store the dough balls in a zippered freezer bag. Dip each dough ball into a bowl that has a few tablespoons of oil in it, rolling the dough in the oil, and then put each ball into a separate bag. You can place the bags into the freezer for up to 3 months. Transfer them to the refrigerator the day before you plan to make pizza.)

4. On the day you plan to make the pizza, remove the desired number of dough balls from the refrigerator 2 hours before making the pizza. Dust the counter with flour, and then mist the counter with spray oil. Place the dough balls on top of the floured counter and sprinkle them with flour; dust your hands with flour. Gently press the dough into flat disks about 1/2 inch thick and 5 inches in diameter. Sprinkle the dough with flour, mist it again with spray oil, and cover the dough loosely with plastic wrap or a food-grade plastic bag. Let rest for 2 hours.

5. At least 45 minutes before making the pizza, place a baking stone either on the floor of the oven (for gas ovens), or on a rack in the lower third of the oven. Preheat the oven as hot as possible, up to 800F (most home ovens will go only to 500 to 550F, but some will go higher). If you do not have a baking stone, you can use the back of a sheet pan, but do not preheat the pan.

6. Generously dust a peel or the back of a sheet pan with semolina flour or cornmeal. Make the pizzas one at a time. Dip your hands, including the backs of your hands and knuckles, in flour and lift I piece of dough by getting under it with a pastry scraper. Very gently lay the dough across your fists and carefully stretch it by bouncing the dough in a circular motion on your hands, carefully giving it a little stretch with each bounce. If it begins to stick to your hands, lay it down on the floured counter and reflour your hands, then continue shaping it. Once the dough has expanded outward, move to a full toss as shown on page 208. If you have trouble tossing the dough, or if the dough keeps springing back, let it rest for 5 to 20 minutes so the gluten can relax, and try again. You can also resort to using a rolling pin, though this isn't as effective as the toss method.

7. When the dough is stretched out to your satisfaction (about 9 to 12 inches in diameter for a 6-ounce piece of dough), lay it on the peel or pan, making sure there is enough semolina flour or cornmeal to allow it to slide. Lightly top it with sauce and then with your other top- pings, remembering that the best pizzas are topped with a less-is-more philosophy. The American "kitchen sink" approach is counterproductive, as it makes the crust more difficult to bake. A few, usually no more than 3 or 4 toppings, including sauce and cheese is sufficient.

8. Slide the topped pizza onto the stone (or bake directly on the sheet pan) and close the door. Wait 2 minutes, then take a peek. If it needs to be rotated 180 degrees for even baking, do so. The pizza should take about 5 to 8 minutes to bake. If the top gets done before the bottom, you will need to move the stone to a lower self before the next round. if the bottom crisps before the cheese caramelizes, then you will need to raise the stone for subsequent bakes.

9. Remove the pizza from the oven and transfer to a cutting board. Wait 3 to 5 minutes before slicing and serving, to allow the cheese to set slightly.

Makes six 6-ounce pizza crusts.

from The Bread Baker's Apprentice by Peter Reinhart (Ten Speed Press) - reprinted with permission

Wood Smoke

2009-03-22T08:26:00.001-07:00

My husband and I were married in his sister's living room on December 31st. Poinsettas were our bouquets, and Christmas Tree lights were our candelabras. We all went out to a Denny's kind of place for brunch afterward, and toasted over the pumpkin pie our Matron of Honour brought us, in place of a wedding cake. It was exceptionally kind of her to do that, given that she and our Best Man had to wake at a god-awful hour to make the ferry that brought them to the Mainland to attend our wedding. After brunch, we went to a bookstore and browsed, perhaps an hour or so, and then ... I can't remember.

The day after our marriage, I we drove up to see his parents, about an hour from his sister's place. We brought with a little cake, to celebrate with them. Their place is an acreage, a bubbly salmon creek runs below the wrap around porch. After cake and beer, we went out to the fire pit, no less than three feet in diameter, and my sweetie built me a fire any good pyro would be proud to call his own. A few squirts of jet fuel, some barely sawed tree stumps, and I could feel my skin tanning in just a few minutes. We stayed a couple of days, and the smell of woodsmoke was strong in his lumberjack style flannel shirts, his baseball caps, his quilted down vest. If the fire ever went out, I didn't notice. There was always one burning when I went out there to warm my toes with him.

Soon after the wedding (bad of me to not remember, I know) my new husband and I went camping. Winter camping. In British Columbia. His first words of wisdom to his new bride - don't get your ass wet. We spent a lot of time hiking around, sitting wrapped in sleeping bags by a (significantly smaller) campfire, snuggled in our little tent, and we kept each other's asses dry.

We've made many visits back to that amazing creek-fed property, and he and his sister co-own it, now that both his parents have passed on. We recently got a phone call from his sister, who related a story - between guffaws and bursts of uncontrollable giggles - how her extremely capable and normally compulsively safety-conscious husband (and my own husband's best friend) nearly burned down the entire compound, leaving the fire to have his supper. It would, in fact, be the way for that lovely place to go, extending the diameter of that fire pit to include the house, barn, garage, the river bank, the woodland to the North and the entire creek and mountain beyond to the West. But it didn't. Clever man figured out how to save us and it and laugh about the story in it's many retellings. The smell of wood smoke is strong there, decades of it. Half a century of woodsmoke curled around the pine branches above the pit, laying like dew between the daffodils in the Spring, and resting on the tidy buildings in all seasons.

Yesterday, after a lovely day off from wrangling and driving our beautiful children, I returned to a monstrous hug from our 4yo boy. I sank my head deep into his baggy hoody sweatshirt, between the soft fabric and his even softer skin, and he covered my face with his startling blond hair. I breathed in deeply, like a yoga exercise, taking in the woodsmoke that hung on him like a cape. I looked at my husband, hauling out the detritus of our back yard in a wheel barrow, and gave up a prayer of deepest thanks. It hasn't been perfect, but the smell of woodsmoke always brings me back to keeping my ass warm, and loving the man who makes my heart sing.

ignoring itself

2009-03-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

I have ignored this blog on purpose. no one noticed. that was the idea. My own husband didn't notice. My own mother didn't notice. Not one friend, relation, enemy, or stranger mentioned to me - gee, Andy, you haven't blogged in ages! Months. Many months. A quarter of a year. Well, ok. So this is for me, by me, about me. And I suppose if that's the case, and I write something nasty about YOU, then you can't take me to task for it! So THERE!

The mystery of the holidays

2008-12-27T15:56:00.000-08:00

Tonight we watched wonderful fireworks at the Winterfest (which we gave a pass to for the daytime stuff for the first time since moving here...it was cold AND wet, so traipsing around town didn't feel too appealing - PLUS we were able to give Theresa a google-up on a couple of the questions they needed to answer correctly to qualify for the trip to Disney!) JAC stayed home, just Ori and Becky and I made it. We have enjoyed visits with a ton of wonderful friends (though there are some we haven't seen much of this holiday...ahem!). We have chocolate biscotti from Caroline and Tom and the most HUMONGOUS basket full of chocolate from the Pillays, scratchies still to scratch and lots of fun games and stuff to play. In general, though I find people wearisome in general, they are cheerier this time of year than any other season. And listening to my almost 4 yo singing "I wish you a merry Christmas" 8000 times is sweet, if eventually deafening. So the mystery of the season? Why am I so crabby???

I joined the gym early (and snagged an awesome coupon!), which has made the end of 2008 a good kick in my pants! I am into going, right now, hopefully pairing it with some Wii Fit exercise, maybe breaking the seal on the ole treadmill from Canada, and a few good walks with Zami should round out the exercise scenario for me in the next few months. The pounds that have come off - not a mystery. The stuff stuck to the bottom of the table? Mysterious. And disgusting. Why the digital watch I got my 10yo doesn't work, why the singing card my SIL sent Ori stopped working, why the kitchen can not stay clean for 20 straight minutes...all mysterious. Which phone belongs on the upstairs charger? Mysterious. Where all the chocolate chip fudge brownies went? Not mysterious. Just look at the almost 4yo's shirt. And pants. And the table. And under the table. Sigh.

Which would I prefer - to be able to change the past or see the future (my beer bottle is asking). Well, I think to change the past (if I HAD to). I like mysteries. I like finding people who look nothing like what they used to look like on facebook and figuring out where I know them from when they friend me. The mystery of the holidays this year - why I am looking forward to next year. :-D

Stampede for greed.

2008-12-04T11:38:00.001-08:00

"Shoppers on New York's Long Island broke down doors and surged into the Valley Stream Wal-Mart at 5 a.m. last Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, known as "Black Friday," traditionally the busiest retail shopping day of the year.

Jdimytai Damour, 34, was knocked to the ground and trampled to death. He had been assigned to cover security as an independent contractor." (from Reuters on Wed. Dec. 3rd 2008)

I completely 'get' the tight budgets this (and most) years. We are tight too! That still would NEVER get me to cause damage to someone to get a toy at 40% off. It would never EVER get me to neglect my common sense, or to join in a mob of any kind. My integrity, and every single person's right to life is so far and away more important than any possible discount, that this never should have happened.

The greed that inspired this 'mob' (definition: a large crowd of people, esp. one that is disorderly and intent on causing trouble or violence) is so deeply rooted in our social well being, that it may be too late to redirect social norms to value human life over material gain. Those shoppers involved (you know who you are!) will now be able to offer their children, not one quality toy, but a buttload of toys under the tree. I am truly sickened. To you I say: you know you were out of control. It is YOUR responsibility to be true to your morals (is it really ok with you if someone else tramples you child in a mad rush to get a cheaper Guitar Hero? What if it were you? Is there some kind of monetary formula you can think of that would REPLACE you to your family? Can you possibly explain this to me, to yourself? Can you explain it to your children? Here ya go little Suzy, here's your new Barbie Remote Control Car that I got after trampling a few people - aren't I just the most dedicated, wonderful mommy ever!).

Why is it Wal Mart's fault that a man was accidentally suffocated by trampling under a completely insane mob of materialistic cheapos. I believe in the end that they provided a modicum of protection for their employees - it was the SHOPPERS who were out of control, and truly who are to be held responsible, not the store. I truly hope that the cameras can help police to target those individuals who ARE responsible, so that they may be held accountable for their horrendous behavior.

Without excusing this accountability, there is an overabundance of advertising for sales and savings at these big box stores. More important than quality, employment, production, need, education, or even profitability is the need to feed the public greed. Shame on you too. So many parents feel the pinch already, and you advertisers are so busy selling these products to children (who put the screws to their parents at every turn) that it can really ramp up the tension in crowded situations. Stop selling to children, and let good products sell themselves.

In many ways, this incident is a signal in blood. The credit crunch/mortgage/recession thing going on - all supposedly started because so many Americans too loans WAY too big for them to truly afford - is also about being responsible for your own behavior. Whether you are part of a mob or part of a swindle, it's increasingly important for people to consider their part in every thing they do - rush through the doors of a bank or a toy store - rushing is not likely to gain them in the end. And the costs are off the radar, impacting lives in so many ways. Whether the magnitude is a national economy or one life, I believe the crisis is not a singularity, but a social cry of attention to get back to moral basics.

I send profuse, humble apologies to the family of Jdimytai Damour, as well as the others who were hurt in the stampede for greed. I am so deeply disturbed that my fellow citizens would do this. I am truly horrified at how he died, and I send you blessings; may his death bring direction to those who have lost their moral compass, and may you and he find peace in a place filled with love.

Thanks Giving.

2008-11-25T18:23:00.000-08:00

I am eternally grateful for my family, my incredible partner, my amazing children. I am grateful to our friend Zami, and all the other animal friends that have come and go. I am grateful for reasonably excellent health, for myself and so many of the people that I love. I am grateful there are clear streams and wild forests left. I am grateful for change, more so for the ++ than the negative, but it takes both kinds. I am grateful for the little things, like a working camera and enough money for christmas and chanukah gifts. I am grateful for a resilient economy, smart people helping me make hard decisions, and leadership when we really need it. I am grateful there are people doing it better than the USA, people to reach up to and admire. I am grateful for merciful death and joyful days of life, bright sunshine on hot sand and cool oceans, lakes and rivers. I am grateful for my own life, and for the time I have here to spend with people I really truly love.

So what's for dinner???

Well, I'm bringing some delectables...a veggie lasagna with tofu ricotta and home made spinach and tomato garlic sauce, plus a sweet potato stuffed squash (garahm marsala and pumpkin pie spiced), and coconut cream pumpkin pies. And cool whip, of course! Saraine will be bringing her green bean special, which is super nourishing. And I think there will also be bread, if Mary doesn't butter it. I think I may buy myself some corn bread stuffing to make down there, because tbh it's tough for me to think of Thanksgiving (capital T) without stuffing! I can totally do w/out the turkey, but no stuffing? Seems too harsh for moi. So I will likely do my own, though Mary has occasionally thought to make some outside the bird (but then she puts butter in it!). I'm a tough nut to cook for, that's for sure! And cranberry sauce is always nice, plus wine (always yummy!). And to me, folks, that is a MAJOR celebration of THANKS-GIVING! WOOT!

2008-11-10T07:33:00.001-08:00

WHMS made prime time news this week, w/the new kinetic/solar water pump that Grace and Daniel's Mom and Dad, the Cavannaghs have built on the new playground. Sabre Technologies Inc. has done an incredible job getting the kids into the project, and helping them to learn about scarcity, poverty, peace, and giving - not to mention some science!

Lions and crocodiles and buffalos, oh my!

2008-11-10T07:23:00.001-08:00

Holy mother of all animals - this is an impressive piece of natural wonder! It's about 8 min. long, and worth it!

Halloween Party 2008

2008-11-06T18:48:00.000-08:00

Although somewhat out of sequence, I hadn't uploaded party pix before writing that bit about the election (which I am STILL in disbelief over, happy, but disbelieving!). So this will be out of chronological order, but hey - sue me!

Getting ready for the party:
- bowls of cool whip w/worms inside!
-getting the pile of hay ready!
-JAC at the BBQ making 'bat wings'

Hay hunt for kids, and adults!

It was loads of fun, everyone found something, some interesting stuff, some just fun! Over $10 was won in scratchies, I feel like it brings good luck to our household financially! Hey, a girl can hope, can't she!?

The kids also enjoyed some other activities, like a pumpkin pinata,

and a worm finding contest - gummy worms hidden in bowls of cool whip!

As well as a few things like a cluck hunt (quite a riot, actually), and a costume parade. The kids had a blast, the adults drank an astonishing amount of green punch - all in all a really fun party!

Gratuitous pics:

November 4th through Jan 20

2008-11-04T11:33:00.000-08:00

November 4th we vote for the 44th President of the USA. Hail to the Chief! January 20th we bring on board the 44th President - on my son's 4th birthday! I have my reservations about them both, but I have so many about McCain that I just don't think it's worth going into here. Over a beer, maybe. ;-) Barak, I think, has just one potential failing point - so get ready to get po'd at me about that!

So what do I agree with that Obama professes he will either attempt to or accomplish? Well, for one, he's pretty honest about not being able to get it all done. He's said it, and I believe him. It's not likely he's going to change the face of American international diplomacy in the next 4-8 years. Or our economy, or our energy usage. Even if he tried really, really hard. That sucks, but it's honest.

Next, I think he's on the right track w/health care. It's a tricky subject, and one that state's right'ers will fight tooth and, well, the rest of their bodies, I suppose, but National Health Care is really the wtg. There are just too many Americans w/out jobs, insurance, savings, trust funds, and rich aunties who will bail them out if they get sick, or even just need something like a tooth pulled. Did you know it cost $200 to get a tooth pulled? Forget about replacing that tooth, just getting it pulled will cost a weekly allotment of food other than pasta for 10 weeks!

Further, I agree with his wisdom about leaving women to care for and decide about their bodies. Their pregnancies, their fertility (or sterilization), these are not national issues. How we got that backasswards, I just can't fathom.

I think Obama has a pretty good idea of where we need to get to in our energy policies, and I think he's got a pretty good plan for how to get there. Incentives to both the companies and individuals to make and use energy efficient houses, cars, appliances, lights, and figuring out how to recycle more of our waste is really a long term plan that can't be put off any longer. Seriously!

They are pretty close in their immigration policies, but honestly, I think McCain's idea of making it harder for the illegal immigrants living here to subsist, including prohibiting them from being insured, is cruel and not going to get them to leave - it'll just fill up emergency rooms and will cost MORE than the insurance itself. So not smart, imho.

I think where I might fall off the wagon w/Obama (though McCain was not really a better 'choice') is his national economic plan. He's inheriting a godforsaken mess of a national economy, and I really don't 'get' his plan to whip it back into shape. I googled it, I listened to it, I read it. I just don't quite get it. It's maybe too far from the macro econ. I took 20 years ago, or my head is totally not economically organized, or maybe it makes no sense (to me, to others? I dunno). But like I said, McCain's policy isn't any better.

The US Government is currently spending 600,000,000,000$ on wars (but not veterans). That's a lot of 0's. We've got the Emelda Marcos of tanks over here, and a tank cost a pretty penny these days! But, seriously, to spend that much money on something that has no positive impact on the American people is like totally wasteful and disrespectful to the Americans who work hard and pay taxes. So Obama has a plan that will wean us off this expenditure, and like all good addicts we will need to make the adjustment slowly. Having a bit more tax money around than we are used to is likely to shake things up a bit (and let's be honest, we could spend that money paying down debt or putting it into mortgages or investing in alternative energy, but why not just blow it on goofy stuff, since it's extra anyway!). I DO think it's only fair to give the Iraqi and Afghan people a chance to realize that w/out our soldiers there, they CAN make their countries livable, so a slow return to 'normal' will benefit them, and give our soldiers a segue into a peaceful reality. Poor soldiers. :-(

Well, that's about it - I could spew on about McCain and Palin, but tbh I just am sick of them. I really really really hope Joe and Barak get the chance to make a dent in the issues and problems we are facing - my gratitude to them for their incredible energy and hard work!

2008-11-02T13:33:00.000-08:00

Omnivore’s Hundred

Here are the instructions:

1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. (I wrote never, 'cause I can't figure out how to cross off in html)
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

Andy's Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros (but I've made a tofu version)
4. Steak tartare -never
5. Crocodile -never
6. Black pudding -never
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari -never
12. Pho -never
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart (as a kid in NYC)
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle -never
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream -never
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras -never
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese -never
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche -never
28. Oysters -never
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda -never
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl -never
33. Salted lassi -never
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea -never
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo -never
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects -never
43. Phaal -most likely never
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu -fever!
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel -truly would starve first. never
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin -never ever.
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi -never
53. Abalone -never
54. Paneer -never
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal -seriously doubt it.
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads -never
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs -never ever ever.
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears, or funnel cake
68. Haggis -truly never ever.
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings or andouillette -totally never.
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini -oh no. not ever.
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost or brunost
75. Roadkill -unlikely
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail -never. period.
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini -never
81. Tom yum - probably never
82. Eggs Benedict -probably never.
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef -never
86. Hare (as in rabbit?) never.
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse -probably never.
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam -never ever!
92. Soft shell crab -never
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor -never
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake -never

Not eating seafood or dairy makes many of these moot, but also being vegetarian eliminates many that I once ate (like catfish and a hot dog from a street vendor (and lox!) that I actually miss sometimes.

New Yawk City!

2008-10-27T19:28:00.000-07:00

Mary and Beca had a tea date at the American Girl store in Manhattan on Friday Oct. 24th. So I played along and we took the train down together, a great couple of hours w/my girl! and then we hit Penn Station with a BANG! Slammed our way out down up and over to my folks apartment, dropped our gear, wet kissed everyone including Winnie the dog, and then decided to sashay down to Chinatown for dim sum. Dim Sum at 8:30pm? you say! Wel, New Yawk City said that too. So we wandered over to Little Italy and found some wonderful (if poorly served) pasta on Mulberry Street. Home again, we crashed hard, and woke early to start our day right. Starbucks!

Bob had work work work to do, so I waited w/B for Mary to surface, and then I split, leaving those two to their devilish deeds. I walked over to 1 Penn Plaza and was guested into the secure part of the building, where I got to once again marvel at Bob's view of lower Manhattan. Ahhh. We took the subway together downtown, he departing at 14th St. and I continuing down to the Lower East Side.

There, I walked. A lot. It was a gorgeous Fall day, with a hint of a breeze, the temps were in the 60's, and there were pumpkins and fall colors everywhere! Quite to my surprise, the LES is quite nuveau these days. There are tons of galleries, clothing boutiques, and off-market shops for things like dog clothes, vegetarian shoes, and funky eateries, many of them vegan! I bought a pair of vegetarian shoes (of course!), and then sidled across the street to the Lower East Side Visitors Center. Crowded and cluttered, the women there were awesome nice, and really extended themselves for me. Then across the street I spotted a spa. I didn't need anything done to my skin (the toxins and dirt in NYC is harsh, but I had only been there 12 hours), but I was kind of in the mood for a haircut. So I asked if they did that kind of thing, and she said no. So I asked (nicely) if she knew of anywhere, and she said no. Then she asked the fella sitting on his keister and he said yes, and walked me down the block and around the corner to Broome St. where there was an awesome little hair salon, Fringe! It was VERY funky and fun, offering up vegan delites like breakfast brownies, pumpkin (or maybe sweet potato) walnut scones,etc., and I was able to get in with Jacqueline after only 10 minutes or so (not even enough time to look through the magazines and find someone I was aiming to look like). She and I talked a minute or two, then I got a nice wash and condition, then under the scissor. Holy good haircut, batgirl! I walked outta there feeling free and clean and lighter of purse and head. Right across the street I found a little shop making halloween candy - totally fun to watch, and I got to buy the candy right after it was made!

I meandered about, checking out how the tenements (aka lofts) had changed so much.

Falaffal in the East Village (and used CD's, and a wig for B's Halloween costume), a chill session with some tea and feet UP in St. Mark's Square.

(I love urban trees - they must be one of the most tenacious types of creatures on earth)

and then a trip uptown to the Strand, which always, consistently and thoroughly blows me away. I bought Veganomicon for ten (yes TEN) dollars (certainly looks) new, and a couple other cook books to support my new veggie habits, and a knitting book (useful and fun to read on the subway when pulling out the actual knitting is too hard).

Then meandered eastward toward 9th ave, and up town to 21st to meet Megan at Bombay Talkie. Other than some kind of weird karmic energy around getting cars ticketed and towed (resulting in a bit of extra run around in parking and then in popping quarters into the meter)

It was kind of expensive, but the food was really very good. The menu was a bit too limited for moi (though it WAS good!), and the service was great! Megs managed not to get towed, we talked and ate and laughed for 3 hours, when her guilty conscience convinced her to free up the table and go home to help Tim clear out the spare bedroom for his mom's visit on Saturday. So I was too late, really, to catch a movie w/Poppy, but we hung out and chatted for a nice while on the couch, and it was - all in all - an AMAZING day! I failed to detail the galleries, the pickle lady, and a host of other entirely NEW YAWK sites, which were all part of my wonderful experience. YAY!

On getting home, I got to meet Mia, Beca's new American Girl doll, and her skates, and the skirt to match the tights that match the skates (and the sweater that matches the skirt, and the headband that matches the sweater and on and on and on), and was given a lesson in using the spray bottle, and then made her clean it all up and go to bed. Long day for little girls. We both crashed pretty hard.

The next morning we jumped into the Pilot and Mary drove us to Hastings where we visited for a few hours with Jackie and Mike, Liana and Max. Totally yummy soup and salad for lunch, and as always, a great visit with wonderful friends. Sounds like their trip to Gay Paris was amazing!!!

The entire weekend I've been reading The 19th Wife, which is very popular right now, but not a great topic for Mary and I to discuss on the downtown NRQ train. I'm too anthropological to like the way to book was written, even if I enjoy the mystery of the murder. So I'm finishing that one up and reading Ink Death, which is scary as heck, but I really enjoyed the first one so much I laboured through the second and (evidently) now the third. Cornelia, lighten up, sistah.

2008-10-22T17:34:00.001-07:00

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Mentally irresponsible

2008-10-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

I lost Orin at the library. He is 3, so very very three. When we'd been there a while, done ALL the puzzles, twice, some of them thrice, looked at the fish, played with the toys, picked out an obscene number of books, and chosen a few movies, it was really really time to go. I asked him to come with me to check our stuff out. I don't generally leave w/out him, even if he's being stubborn, but he was being silly and stubborn and I was getting mad. So I backed off, took the library basked (very heavy) with me, and went to the archway that divides the children's from the adult library. I stood looking at the display there (a nice one about autumn and apples), and waited for him to come along. Instead the little pisher snuck around the backside of the children's library, and while I was looking across the children's section waiting for his little tow head to appear, he went behind me, right out the door (maybe he didn't see me?) down the hall out the two sets of electric doors and down the path to the sidewalk. Well, not seeing his little self arriving any time soon, I put the basket down, and walked down to the back of the children's section to see where the HECK he was. Nowhere, is where he was! So as I am hurrying back across the children's section (realizing that he's 90% likely to have gotten behind me, not hiding under a table in a far corner), there's a lady with him up on the counter at the main circulation desk. That moment of absolutely freezing panic receded, overtaken by embarrassment and a bit of anger at this imp, he was obviously fine, and he hadn't been gone more than two or three minutes (how come he doesn't walk that fast when we NEED him to?). So I thanked the woman, I asked her if he'd been scared. She said no. Then proceeded to tell me that I was mentally unstable and an irresponsible parent, to let the child wander away by himself. The librarian chimed in to let me know that there is a sex offender living in the neighborhood. Honestly, I was truly taken aback by it all. I have rescued more than one child in my time, little ones just walking, older ones who lost their group or family, there was never ever even once the idea that the parents were negligent because the child had wandered away. I grew up in a family that encouraged and gave opportunities for their children to become independent, smart decision makers, and to learn when independence was appropriate and when to stick with the crowd. It turned me into someone who has globally traveled in some places many people wouldn't DREAM of visiting, and I got to experience things they never will. I treasure those memories, they are my pride and joy (after my naughty children). My parents may not have done everything right, but I wish for nothing more than to be mentally irresponsible and give my children that same confidence, smarts, and independence that will open up to them vistas and pathways that fear and dependence keeps closed. But maybe when he's 4.

Presidential problems

2008-10-09T12:12:00.000-07:00

I thought this was just grand! Not 'a' grand, but grand in the witty American tradition - a little pinch in the butt of our collectively disreputable Wall Street (who should have their freaking teeth kicked in right about now). I am so much further disgusted by the greed, corruption, and well, GREED of some Americans (who shall forever remain nameless and faceless, but you KNOW who you are!) that truly, we can not get out of this country fast enough. If there were something to generate sufficient income for us, we would be gone. I'm as patriotic as the next guy, but it is seriously DISGUSTING what we are doing with our tax dollars, and what we choose to allow our citizens in powerful positions in business to get away with. Disgusting.

A little lower down on my high horse is the election itself. What's up with asking questions to which there is no real answer? And what is up with candidates who can't be bothered to go out on a limb for, well, anything? I certainly understand not wanting to make too much of a commitment to something obviously not going to happen, say redistribution of wealth in the USA. But what about some stuff like which programs have you decided are going to get the axe? Or reduced funding? What is the plan with NCLB? Where would you drill for oil, if you could? I'd like some answers, even if it isn't ALL the answers. And a bit more umph - not defensiveness, power, charisma, presidential appeal. And stop making comparisons between JFK and BHO. They really have very little in common.

Light theft

2008-09-28T20:52:00.001-07:00

Stolen from an MDC mama's blog - at her request! The answers are my own. Feel free to copy/paste for yourself! :D

Four jobs I've had:

1. CS at REI
2. Workshopping for foresters in South Africa
3. working the register at the local HFS
4. translating a workbook for Girl Guides in Zimbabwe

Four movies I can watch over and over:

1. Star Wars. Pretty much any of them.
2. Lord of the Rings, all of them.
3. The Notebook
4. The Girl From Paris.

Four places I've lived:

1. Tsawwassen BC. CAN.
2. Delmar NY
3. Harare Zimbabwe
4. New Haven CT

Four TV shows I love:

1. As Time Goes By (disc.)
2. Heroes
3. Seinfeld
4. Northern Exposure

Four places I've vacationed:

1. Nederland Colorado
2. Brugges, Belgium
3. Siesta Key near Sarasota, FL
4. Kalalau Trail/Beach, Na Pali Coast State Forest Hawaii

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. Really good vegan lasagna (no mushrooms).
2. Mama's Minestrone (I da mama)
3. A very thin slice of goat cheese from France with a tiny smidge of quince paste.
4. Deep dark chocolate cake. With sprinkles.

Four sites I visit daily:

1. Gmail
2. MDC
3. Yahoo
4. Facebook

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Here's pretty dang good - but ok, Hawaii might be better!
2. Robert's Creek BC
3. Musoma, on the shores of Lake Tanzania
4. Rafting pretty much any river. Almost - some of them get pretty rough!

Beebe Hill

2008-09-24T18:29:00.000-07:00

In my capacity as coordinator of the Fall Family Hike for WHMS, I have checked out 4 trails/hiking areas that seemed appropriate. They were! It was hard to choose ONE, but one is really all we need - a short-ish, mildly challenging, very natural trail with lots of attractions for kids aged 3 - 13, and adults aged 20something to 60something. Not TOO demanding!

The first place I checked out with my family was Christman's Sanctuary. It was LOVELY! Ori and JAC both did great there, and enjoyed it a lot. My hesitancy was two fold: 1. a LOT of slippery rocks - seemed like a recipe for disaster with a load and a half of little kids. 1a. not a lot of parking. This isn't MAJOR, but it is a consideration. 2. it is kind of far from where most of the community this is geared at live. MOST are in the Chatham ->Bethlehem area, with a few in the Schenectedy/Guilderland area, and the majority in the Albany/Bethlehem/Greenbush area. So ...

The next place I checked out was the Pine Bush. LOTS of trails to choose from, easy to make it a loop, longer, shorter, and great parking. But I must say, that overall there is a lot of noise, and not a lot of variation in the terrain.

Third was a lovely trail in Thatcher State Park, it was a nice balance of flat-ish and hilly, but it didn't have very much in the way of interesting things for the kids. I probably could have searched other trails for a better variety, but I was running out of Ori-free time, and wanted to check out this last one, Beebe Hill.

Beebe Hill is on the NY - MASS border, in the Taconic Hills looking East toward the Berkshires.

Looking East

Looking West

Opal Pond

And this is the one I've chosen. There are creeks, a pond, lots of bridges, and at the top, a firetower (the hill is otherwise rather unimposing, as hills go!), 9 flights of 9 stairs - not for the faint of highted heart. There's a new composition book up there that a sprightly soul has left for visitors, and I really enjoyed taking photos there, my bento lunch in the box on top of the tower, and a lovely few hours of solo hiking.

The Family Hike is Oct. 4th, weather permitting - wish us all luck!

2008-09-15T18:23:00.000-07:00

Holy cow - and I thought our basement flood was awful!!! It's really hard to 'imagine' how much of life there is inconvenient, uncomfortable, difficult, sweaty, thirsty, hungry, and cabin fevery. :( My thoughts and prayers to you all!

Schools in!

2008-09-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

Ori's first week of school - he's done an awesome job of transitioning to 1) school 2) carpool 3) earlier bedtimes night before carpool (2 of the 3 days) and 4) being an all around amazing kid! He's supportive of Beca and her school experience, he's kind to the other children, he's a good sharer, is having fun, making friends (even knows someone's name in his class!), and is enjoying the class pet (still waiting to hear her name) - the guniea pig. In the next couple of months I'll sign him up for Gymnastics, but I will give him a few months to adjust to this schedule (and catch up with the gym crowd when the weather gets colder).

B is having a great start to the year. She is feeling very in the midst and amongst, as a 5th grader. She has Molly, the only 6th grade girl in her room, who is a friend, and Lorann, who is also a friend, though not as close a friend, and several nice 4th grade girls, as well as all the boy-ness in her class, which is boy heavy. She is looking forward to newspaper this year, and may have some more responsibility this year, since it's only 4th and 5th graders this year. We'll see... She's taking Hebrew/Religion on Sundays (9-1) and Guitar on Wed., as well as Aikido and an every-other-week schedule for Scouts. A busy kid!

I will have some pictures to post soon, hopefully. :D

Going...going...GONE!

2008-09-01T19:29:00.001-07:00

I can't believe the entire month of August has sped by! We took one trip to Lake George, a good time, all in all, and otherwise we've spent every day here at home, going to the pool, running errands, library time, playgrounds. Seems like it was just a couple of weeks ago that we were waiting at the airport for Loreena! Well, in addition to the week in Lake George, Theresa and I had a fabulous weekend in NYC. We spent ALL day Saturday (9am till 11pm) walking! We figured out of those 14 hrs. 12 were spent on our feet - and it was AWESOME! We had 1 hr. in a spa/pedicure place called Green Tea, very very nice. The 10 min. chair massage was the best part for ME, but I can see why people go for the pedicures. We ate Dim Sum in Chinatown, gelato in Little Italy, watched the waterfalls at night, lit eerily and spewing river water like an overgrown urban maw. Seeing Mark at dinner was very nice too, although in just a very few moments I was reacting to his little kitties. He did a nice thing, loaning us some guitar books for Beca (who starts Wednesday!).

And yup, here we are - 10:30 the night before school starts again! It's amazing to me. We saw Tea at the pool today - she's so sweet to B when L isn't around. Bleh. I wish she'd stop being so catty and schizophrenic about her friendships! It's confusing to B who has a pretty good grasp of it, but it's still a lot easier to be friendly with someone who is just overall a nice person. le sigh. ANYway, we've had a wonderful summer! We are all tanned and leaner than when it started. Poor Zami is not well, but we are otherwise in good shape. Jerry is walking much better, and is really quite useful around the place these days. Having a big girl help out is wonderful, too. She helped schlep the big tote box up to the attic, and move stuff up and down from the basement to set up the playroom in the LR, now that the basement is unlikely to ever get fixed up. Another sigh.

And Gustav has passed by with only a smidgen of the damage that was expected. Le PHEW! Kathy and crew are all back home, which is awesome, and Sweet Ole Nor'leans is pretty much left alone. Looks like more work on the levees will happen, and that'll make the other side of the canals safer.

I've gotten into Goji berries lately, they're a wonderful food! I like to snack on a few now and then. I like to bake with them. I may toss them into a smoothie for B in the AM. Lots of uses. :D

And so September rolls in. It's super nice out this week, till Hurricane Hannah blows our way late in the week. We start our new schedule, which is looking busy.

M - school, aikido
Tu - school, nursery school, aikido
Wed - school, nursery school, guitar
Thurs - school, newspaper, Girl Scouts
Fri - school, nursery school
Sun - Religious School, Curling (maybe).

This mixed in with other odds and ends of life, plus me getting a few hrs. off a few days a week (whoopeeee!), it's all a rather busy place to be. Happy, but busy.

Next: fix the basement, chimney, and start taking paper off the kitchen walls.

Negotiating potholes

2008-08-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

This weekend seems to have brought more than our fare share of potholes (life's, not the road's). On Friday, we got a call from the ToB's insurance assessor, who will be coming out to assess damages on Wed. morning. What to do!? Put things back, or not? So we've put enough things back to use the washer/dryer (thank goodness!), have our 'pantry' set up, and use the deep freeze. JAC has about 1/2 of his workbench back, which is somewhat useful, but the toys and stuff are still all stacked up. Do we get an estimate or 3 for repairing the damage? Do we find out how much a sump pump will cost to have installed (with battery backup?). No clear answers...

On Saturday Katherine came for a sleepover, inspiring B to want to take up cheer leading. Where's the eye-popping smilie??? I don't think it's completely inappropriate, but it IS a stretch for me, who has moved so far from mainstream to condone cheer leading as an appropriate after-school activity. And it means giving up (at least temporarily) Aikido, which both JAC and I feel is really super useful for her. AND it's 4x/week for the next 4 weeks, then it's 2x/week for 11 weeks, plus weekend games and competitions. WHERE's that smilie? So negotiations began. It wasn't all pretty, but we've agreed that she has to reach purple belt (about 2 more years) before she can quit Aikido, and that cheer will be an option at that time. Additionally, she has to have awesome school work and be doing her chores regularly at home before she's up for consideration. It's my hope that by then she's too far behind the gang to start it...though I'm sure she'll hold that against me/us.

On Sunday I decided that sitting at the pool w/Ori climbing on me for 2+hrs. every day for the next five days (even with all the books, puzzles, games, cars, etc. that I bring each time) is just NOT working for me. So I went to WF (wallfart) and picked up a DS with a few games. Since B left the PSP on the train in NYC, I figured out a way to get through the next few months w/out her sneaking/lying about the DS - she can't use it at ALL until Oct. 16th. After that, she can EARN it and use it WITH PERMISSION from JAC or me.

Next we negotiate with Ori about riding his bike in the street (as his neighbor friends and sister do), because at 3 he's the youngest, least experienced rider. They do look out for him, but given his attitude, it does take a parent to keep him safe.

These kinds of potholes can sure sap the life outta your tires.

Bare Bottom Blues

2008-08-01T19:38:00.000-07:00

Well, I'd LOVE to be here typing about how my dh and I have been at it so often, with such vigor, that I have a sore bottom! But alas, I am here to report that our basement flooded. The storm sewer pipes backed up, and the french drains flooded. UGLY. I called the Town to complain, and they (Pat?) submitted a claim to their insurance company! So maybe *hopefully* possibly some of the costs will be covered. When I find the camera, I'll be sure to post up some of the pictures (I did take a lot) of the damage. Poor little legos and thomas tanks, floating around with the bugs and pesticides. BLEH!

B has had a week of swim/dive lessons, now, and she's looking good! Aside from her gorgeous tan, and the amazing teeth with no braces or expanders, (see: before

and after!)

she is just looking AMAZING up there! She is diving (but not flipping yet) from the high and low dives, and making herself proud. Ori is also spending a lot of extra time in the drink, and getting great at jumping into the deep pool w/out being 'caught' before going in the water! This is a big step for him. I find that the best time is later in the afternoon, when it's HOT out, and he's not as shy of the cool water. Silly little bear is still so sensitive to the cold!

JAC is doing lots of hydrotherapy, walking and swimming in the pool too. He has WAY more range of motion, now, though he's not w/out some discomfort in and out of chairs and cars etc. He's using one crutch while he's out, but otherwise, just the pressure stocking to help keep his blood from pooling. It's nice to see his foot and leg looking normal - all the discoloration is gone, and the only real swelling visible now is actually on/just above his knee. Awesome! Eleven weeks post surgery today, and it's clear that by 4-5 mos he should have very close to full range of motion back. :D

Tonight we went to the Town Pool to do a 'dive in', which was our first! We saw Surf's Up, which of course we own, but it was REALLY fun to watch it with like 100 other locals. Everyone was sharing the vino, blankets, wet towels, and kids - it was super nice. K. is sleeping over w/Beca tonight (they're upstairs making friendship bracelets with the beads), 15 minutes till lights out (11pm). It's awesome to see how many nice friends she has now - it has taken some time, but I think she has really found a nice niche for herself. YAY!

Mental hoisen tivy

2008-07-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

Week two of Helderberg Workshop, more Hoisen Tivy - now it's on my hand (right) and torso. My back is itchy and so is my neck (it's already on the front of my neck), whether there's rash there or not it seems like there is, which is bad enough.

The camp itself is great fun.

I hope it's going to be worth missing Yoga on Thursday to see and bring home all of Beca's work. Seems like she's done some amazing stuff! I peeked in there today, and they had been working on statues of women...very cool stuff!

Meanwhile, Rachel - the camp counselor for the group I volunteer for - was sick last night, so she was less than enthusiastic today (kinda nice, actually - very type A personality there!)and we only did two hikes and two projects, one story and the rest was play time (and the kids were WAY more into the projects today, so they took longer making them). At any rate, the enjoyment factor is still high for all of us, the property is beautiful, with creeks and a wonderful little pond, and the counselors are really terrific.

Concert given to the camp by the roaming minstrals, with Joe, her future guitar teacher.

Up the Helderberg

Thinking of how to do tennis this summer w/B., but not sure how...

Visitation.

2008-07-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

Yet another entry lacking photos, but it's now or never! At 10:30pm, it's NOW!

We've had the pleasure of Loreena's company for the past 10 days - it's gone by so QUICKLY! We had some good times, some chill out pool days, amazing NYC days filled with sights, sounds, thunder and applause. Wicked was AMAZING, the girls really loved it. Seeing the waterfalls was great too! And you know what? I don't think I'd ever been on the Circle Line before! lol!

Yesterday we managed to get up to the Great Escape with Michou and Isa, which was a fun day as well - the weather was awesome, the girls spent most of their day at the water park, which had great slides and the kids enjoyed all the pools. Even Isa. ;-)

Tomorrow we pick up the girls from Catherine's party (which I am SURE will be a huge hit!), and hit the road for Montreal. Perhaps we can get a few tix or a good spot to see some Jazz, as it's Montreal Jazz Festival closing weekend. It's also the 400th birthday of Montreal! Big party weekend, is my guess. I hope our hotel rooms are fairly quiet...

Beca and Loreena had a great time together. Lots of cards and singing, hand slapping and sharing of all things tween. Lots of enjoying each other's company...and then it's over. All too quickly we are making our way North, back toward Trudeau Airport. What a great way for us to get back in touch with our Vancouver dreams, and with Loreena, a wonderful girl with a very big bright future.

What I found.

2008-06-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

What I found...

in Ori's bed this morning:
9 pr. of underwear (all his)
1 wooden car
1 pr of socks
4 stuffed toys
3 books
1 empty sippy cup
1 cd jewel case, no cd
1 damnit doll
1 jar of cream, lid on
1 bucket, empty
2 stamp pens, caps on
1 vhs cassette of the Muppets
1 non-working cell phone
1 little boy crammed in the corner.

at the pool:
2 pregnant ladies I know
1 family of 8 we love
1 lost 2yo boy
1 turquoise hair band that B thought was hers, but wasn't
1 bandaid floating in the pool
1 queen ant
1 mommy missing a 2yo boy
2 neighbors who were nice, and they usually aren't
1 other family po'd about the new pool pass system
1 very receptive aquatics director
1 other family with a crazy 3yo boy
2 friends from softball
3 friends from girl scouts
1 baby bird in it's nest (there may have been others, but only one was peeping when we saw it)

at the supermarket:
many hot families getting food early in the day (to spend the rest of the day in AC, is my guess)
2 drivers who think no one else is on the road today
1 man passionate about how many squirts his mochiato gets
many sympathetic people who like my kids.

The Play

2008-06-02T04:47:00.001-07:00

Saving a spot to upload photos of The Tempest, by the Woodland Hill Players. :D

Your Debut Album

2008-06-02T04:41:00.001-07:00

Your Debut Album

1 - Go here and the first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Then go here, to Random quotations:
The last four words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

If you want to do this again, you'll hit refresh to generate new quotes, because clicking the quotes link again will just give you the same quotes over and over again.

3 - Lastly, go to flickr's "explore the last seven days"
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Put it all together, that's your debut album.

Band name = Out of Battery
Album name = All Over the Floor
Album art =

21/52
Originally uploaded by ronet.

Food balance

2008-05-29T20:28:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to make sense of my addiction to sweets lately. I know that it is partly coming from losing a bunch of fat because I'm not eating meat anymore. And I know that there is more to being pre-diabetic than eating jelly beans. So I'm going to try to journal my eating for 1 week (Friday to Friday) and see what happens. Honestly, I think I eat pretty well, other than the night time smackeral.

So in my search to figure this out, this is the best guide I've come up with online to help me figure out what I should be eating (and to best give my kids a balanced diet).

It's technically vegan, which I'm not (because we eat eggs, and Beca eats dairy, to boot!), but it doesn't count meat as a protein, and it doesn't depend on dairy for calcium. This is what I was searching for.

Tonight I prepped a totally yumm stir fry w/Quorn bits, including a full head of kale, 1/4 head of cabbage, carrots, onions, garlic, and spices. EVERYONE munched it right down.

Tomorrow I'm going to make challah bread and a very basic Minestrone soup. I have tons to put in it, shells, peas, Great Northern beans, black beans, spinach, loads of tomatoes, and I'll have to run to the store and get some fruit for the cast party tomorrow night anyway, so I'll get some asparagus (really ticks me off that I have to drive 7 extra miles (20 min!) to get fresh organic asparagus, when it's ripe and ready but all the supermarkets carry is frozen organic (at 4.99 a bag!), or fresh conventional - and not even from local farms!).

Maybe this weekend I'll do another Shepard's pie, the last one was pretty well received. I think making them a bit smaller, tastier (not necessarily spicier though!), and with fresh bread will help us get more accustomed to them. Then on Sunday maybe something with the last of the veggies, so that on Monday I can justify going to the co-op for fresh veg!

Three more weeks until our CSA starts! I am really seriously looking forward to it!

Beca's The Tempest was wonderful today ... the 1/2 that I got to see! Hayley is Caliban in her performance, and she was so convincing that she scared Ori, so we left Act 3 Scene 3. Oh well - it leaves something to look forward to for tomorrow, since I get to go back again for the 2nd performance (and chaperon the cast party). The kids did a great job w/their lines (mostly), the costumes were totally great (pics tomorrow), and the props were excellent! Now if they'd just learn to slow down and enunciate...

Iiiiiii Love a Parade

2008-05-27T12:33:00.000-07:00

Being in a parade is such an experience, different from watching one in some very powerful ways. Firstly, watching a parade is the stuff of spectator sport. Like watching ping pong, or tennis, your neck cranes this way or that, w/out ever really getting anything more than a subtle satisfaction that you got to see that amazing play, or save, or rebound. Watching the people in the parade who march, giggle, toss candy to children, and wave (yes, oh yes, lots of waving!), play instruments, give karate demonstrations, drive miniature cars, firetrucks, and soapbox derby cars is fun. But BEING in a parade, it's a whole nuther kind of butter!

Beca has always been in the parade. This year, when we got home, she said she'd rather watch next year (and get candy), 'cause everyone else always gets to be aspectator and get lots of candy. I told her we'd talk about it next year.

Meanwhile, Ori got to be in it for the first time this year!

He had a wonderful time eating candy, gave out bunches to both old and young, and sat in the wagon and waved waved waved. At one point he started to cry, and I picked him up and asked 'what's going on?' and he said "my arm is so tired!" "from waving?" "yes, mama. From too much waving!" So, with permission to ride and NOT wave, he was happily back in the wagon and chomping on his candy necklace.

Ah - here is the honor guard (seen from the back, unfortunately). Senator Breslin, our town supervisor, and a sprinkling of other dignitaries, as well as some local cops. Thanks for showing up, fellas! It was cool to have someone respect our walk (although the crowd appreciates it, I'm not sure the word respect would have crossed their minds.), wave us 'done' and just be there for all the kids to ogle and awe at.

And yes, note that gas is WAY more than the national average of $3.91. And has been for a while.

Ahhh, I love a little town pride!

These guys are my very fave. To me, they represent 250+ years of Americana. They are proud and strong (gotta be to wear those costumes in 80 degree weather!), but not boastful, loud w/out being noisome. I love fifes, just really love them. Can't play one, but love to listen (same goes for bagpipes).So to me, seeing some old guys drive little cars, listening to the fife, tossing around some candy, and lots of waving is a successful parade. Memorializtion? Not much, but I respect the pomp and appreciate the circumstance.

May MBOY and maybe a little more...

2008-05-25T23:34:00.000-07:00

May is nearly over, and I FINALLY got around to dyeing my BFL yarn (from that coop so many moons ago) that I have wanted to do ooooh, probably since I got the darned stuff! It's beautiful yarn, very soft and a nice tight twist, singly ply but thickly stranded. Mmmmm. So I broke out the kool-ade and attempted to do a two tone UN pink red, but no luck. Perhaps strawberry gives a better red? I stuck this stuff in the cherry for over 4 hours! Here's the stew:

And here's a hank drying (note: after stewing for 4+ hours, the color was NOT what I was intending, but most of the beautiful buttery yellow is now gone...sigh):

And HERE'S the teaser pic of the ball!

Overall, I'm happy with the yarn, I do wish it had turned out a much deeper red - but perhaps the recipient wanted a lighter color? Or the Universe wanted her to have a lighter color? I had a lot of fun picking little goodies to go inside, some showing more obviously than others. At the core of this ball is something veeeery special, locally made, and totally delish. :D

So having gotten all that together (sans the Spring ed. of Interweave Knits which has slipped from my grasp - so tomorrow (after the parade) I shall endeavor to find it), I was feeling completely entitled to opening MY incoming Mboy! I am SO glad I did! Aside from the new sock dpn's, the foot balm, the lip and knitter's balms, the mini soap, and the awesome little card, I got a knitting bag (a small, wrist bag hand made to tote a single skein/ball of yarn around, instead of the whole kit and kaboodle I have trouble with!) and a ball of the MOST gorgeous Blckberry Ridge Mill yarn. I am SO excited to do something wonderful with it! My FAVORITE colors!!! Thank you ~Megan~!!

And as usual, a gratutious pic of at least one of my babies.

Newest bestest food

2008-05-18T16:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight I made a delicious pot pie - truly awesome!
Before:

After:

7 medium gold potatoes, boiled to tender, smashed, a couple tablespoons of Earth's Best
1 large or 2 medium leeks
2 normal carrots
1/2 small pkg petite peas
nice big bunch of fresh or frozen cut spinach (I think I used about 3.5 big handfulls, stems removed).
diced or crushed garlic (2 cloves or more to desired taste)
1 medium onion diced

1 tsp. garam marsala paste
1 tsp chili powder
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp tumeric
couple good dashes of vegan Worcestershire sauce
pinch of salt
pinch of good ground pepper

2 pie crusts (mine were store bought vegan)

Get a pie plate or large shallow bowl and line it with one of the pie crusts. Brush with Earth's Best.

Saute the onion, leek, garlic, spinach, and spices together - adding them together in that order about 2-3 min apart. Dash in the Worcestershire sauce, salt, and pepper.

Add this saute to the potatoes, and mix well. Add in the cooked carrots and frozen peas. Mix a few times so that it's well mixed, but not smashing apart the carrots or peas. Add to pie crust. Brush again with Earth's Best, and add top pie crust. Cut little holes in the pie right in the middle, so you are impressed with how it looks. Bake at 350 for about 45 min. We ate ours plain, but you could do a side of beans, or have it with a nice salad or soup.

Just wanted to add here that after eating one serving of this yummy pie, and having a glass of chocolate rice milk with dinner, I had 3 thin mint cookies and was totally fine. 2 glasses of water later, and I'm ready for bed! It's really getting easier...

New Stuff

2008-05-16T12:59:00.000-07:00

I am loving some new websites I've visited.

This one Jessi led me to - it's really very cute and great for the 8-15yos who are getting a lot of info and not a lot of facts.

This one is from the Smithsonian, and you can build a panda habitat, among other activities!

This one, from PBS.COM is amazing, and the pictures are so beautiful my kids will hang out w/me and watch the vids for 30+min w/out fighting, fidgiting, or fooling around!

The EWG is an amazing group that has produced more DATA than anyone else (in a readable and manageable format). Their site is chock-a-full of info for the every day person, scientist, shopper and large scale purchaser. This page is wonderful for me, I use it at least once a week before I make purchases!

I'm sure there are many more, that should be enough if you are just browsing around with some time on your hands (who has more time than that?!).

Something Fun

2008-05-15T04:20:00.000-07:00

Your fairy is called Gossamer Moontree

She is the moon goddess's messenger.

She lives in spiderwebbed wonderlands and insect grottos.

She is only seen when the first leaves fall from the trees.

She wears tiny black spiders on her dresses. She has beautiful blue butterfly wings.

Get your free fairy name here!

and my Elvish self is Lúthien Felagund from this site.

And a Hobbit name generator here! I'm Rosie-Posie Bunce of Brockenborings. Nice to meet ya!

Question: why doesn't blogger have smilies we can use?

Mother's Day weekend update

2008-05-12T04:37:00.001-07:00

I want to start with this, because it's so wonderful. There are a lot of these kind of links around, this one uses some reggae music, which is always so empowering lol! It's about 6 min, so if that's too long for you right now, feel free to skip it for the moment. I'll leave the linkee up for you. ;-)

Next on to congratulations to my friends Heidi and Martin and Iris, for their impending move to Sweden!! They are taking a leap of faith in many ways, but pictures of their adventure (including their new home!) are so enticing, I can certainly see how they'd flee our flailing economy, poor political arena, and lagging health care system to go catch babies and explore in Sweden! CONGRATULATIONS!! I'm starting a savings account to come visit, guys!

And now on to JAC and his progress. Well, I haven't posted much because there isn't much to post. The surgery was Friday, and it went as well as could be expected, said the Dr. who did the surgery (Czajka - pronounced CHAI-KA). There was a lot of blood and tissue he had to flush from the wound site, and he had to snip a bit more of the muscle to get a clean attachment, but no other complications, which is VERY good. JAC was in pretty good spirits, and we got home w/out too much fuss. On the drive home we stopped and got his prescriptions (Lortab), which was a good move. They'd told us he would have the femeral nerve block on for about 18-24 hrs., but by 9pm (just about 12 hrs.) he was feeling the leg, and by midnight was writhing in pain (even with the Lortab!). I gave him some at 12 and more at 3am, and then more at 7am. He made it through the night w/out much sleep (actually we neither of us slept much - and Ori woke up 3x as well, once with a fully wet pull up that wet the bed, so a changing of the sheets was happening at about 4am), and slept away much of Sat. I took the kids out as much as I could, checking in on him every 2-3 hrs.

One of our stops was to the new Eagle Elementary (our new home school), which had O's new obsession - a bouncy bounce! The school looks ... nice, I suppose. It's as industrial and school-like as any school I've ever been in. It does have a nice music room (tho who knows when that'll get nixxed from the curriculum?), and one big cafeterium with a stage. The classrooms are ok, the little kids ones (K-2) will all have bathrooms inside the class, and the older ones (3-5) have hallway bathrooms. They are painting the halls a kind of avocado green and a light brown color (one on one wall, the other on the other wall), and alternated those colors for the classrooms, so they are either green or brown. There is a big backyard area, where the playground will go - and there's still lots of running around room, too! So all in all a good experience. NOT, however, convincing me that it's better than Montessori. ;-)

On Sunday Beca and I went to Choices and donated 10" apiece to Locks of Love. I have yet to upload pictures, those shall come. Rebecca looks absolutely adorable in her new bob. My cut is typical for me, and I like it. Choices gives free haircuts if you donate through them (they don't get any kickback, but they do get to accrue total hair collected and they get some kind of recognition for that), and they gave us both cute cuts. They did sell me on the curl maximizer (roll your eyes, I did!).

Before:

After:

Me After:

Sunday, Mother's Day, JAC was still unable to leave the bed for more than a bathroom visit. Overall he's not taking the Lortab (after puking up Sunday morning - a nice 5am wake-up call for me!), though I am not sure that's a better plan. He isn't eating much, a bit of soup or cereal every day is about all, but he's drinking water and tea, so I won't push too hard. No food, no lortab, though. I was hoping today he'd be able to make it down stairs... in fact it's nearly 8am now, and time to go check on him. The clinic has already called and asked me to get him up on those crutches and given me the go-ahead to saran wrap his leg so he can take a bath. He's a teency bit smelly!

Before I sign off, I thought I'd mention that I got to watch Juno last night, and I LOVED it! I love the characters - the disgruntled but loving father, the slightly nutty and anxious adoptive mom, the wonderfully quirky 16 yo girl, and her gangly guitar playing boyfriend. And yk what, all the supporting actors were wonderful too! His mom, the ultrasound tech, the step mom, they were all perfectly cast and wonderfully acted. The story line was fun, heavy but not too heavy, and full of learning curves for everyone! Well done, Juno crew and cast!

I hope all you moms had a fabulous day - or at least a better day than mine (which was still better than JAC's!). Prayers to mother earth...

Gratutious pic of my gorgeous babies:

Tearing it up

2008-05-07T18:34:00.001-07:00

JAC tore the major muscle group (quadricep) from the meniscus. He will go in on Friday to have it repaired. The repair is outpatient, about 2 hrs. of surgery. They will go in, slice down the torn edge of the soft tissue so that they have a clean edge for healing purposes, take some thick (1:1,000,000) thread and sew the end into some holes that they will drill through his meniscus. After 6 hrs. in the orthopedics chamber today, we have all the pictures they could possibly want for now, plus some x-rays that seemed extraneous (and rather painful). Tomorrow he goes in for pre-op tests, and hopefully we'll find out what time on Friday he'll go into OR. Since Beca has no school anyway, it's not a big deal when, but earlier would be better, as hopefully she has a game to get to at 6pm. If she goes, I can drop her off at Theresa's, to be picked up by Peg, and she can sleep over at Mackenna's. Then JAC, O and I will have a quiet night, and she'll have fun with Mac. She was very torn up about his surgery, his injury, etc. Hopefully by Sat. he'll be feeling better enough to be on his own for a few hrs. so I can take O and go to B's Saturday game. If not, well, I'll work it out...

On a better note, Beca got a single, a double, and scored a run today at her game! YAY BECA!!!

Gimping along

2008-05-02T06:51:00.000-07:00

The third person on our block is now on crutches. First it was the girl from the quiet family with no name (I'm sure they have a name, perhaps it's glitterwings...we can call them glitterwings, since we don't know their name). They are a middle aged couple w/kids (how many, unknown from here) grown and in college (both). Their college age daughter is now home, and on crutches. She's looking at 8 weeks in a cast plus months of physio. Even after speaking with her, I have no idea what their name is or what their family consists of. They seem nice.

One of the Shumanite boys (Jeremy? Josh?) is on crutches, broke his ... something in his leg. or foot. He's getting rides (since the bus is a nightmare on crutches, this I know from personal experience) from his older sister, who I'm sure is thrilled to do this for him. She's actually totally a sweetie, and a good scout at heart, so I'm sure she isn't going to complain at all. And if it's the older boy, he's also in HS, so not much of a change for her in terms of timing. I'm going to guess he'll be out through the end of June, as well.

And now for victim #3. JAC. He jumped off a boat yesterday in Long Island, thinking the shore was firm, and it weren't, and he was wrenched forward and then back, and his knee was back up on the boat still. It's swollen to the size of a goodly pumpkin, and he's grunting and moaning quite a lot. And he's completely spastic on crutches (you'd think this guy never used crutches before, but he's had several surgeries and injuries requiring them, so he's really got no excuses).

Overall he's being a good sport. He's off the pain meds so far, though probably later today he'll need one to nap (while I get O out of the house for a few hrs. to Ilana's). Hopefully this is NOT a 8 week adventure in lameitude. I'm going to shoot for 10 days with LOTS of arnica.

Falling behind...

2008-04-29T16:32:00.000-07:00

I will NOT feel guilty, but I have been hoping to update more often, especially because we are trying SO MANY wonderful new recipes for us! Big into frittatas lately, tonight I made one with zucchini, tomato, spinach, onion, garlic, potato and topped it in the oven with Parmesan and Romano cheeses (both very low in lactose). The kids each ate 1/4th of a 10" skillet! So did I, so did JAC, and voila - gone in an instant. I also made delicioso currant scones today, and choc. chip multi-grain flax muffins yesterday. Those turned out kinda dry - I might add applesauce next time to lighten/moisten them up.

Lunches have been varried and fun! I can't WAIT to get the bento stuff - should be coming any moment!!! (Still waiting for my Miazaki films, too, drat it.) It's been really fun putting stuff together for her - and seeing what goes lol! She said the matzah was stale today (though it was from a new box), but she licked clean the sesame butter and honey I slathered on there. Yesterday everything went, but that's a no-brainer. I popped in a generous serving of the baked eggplant ziti I made for the bbq at the Nugents on Sunday, and she gobbled it right up. Wednesdays and Thursdays are a bit harder - the good leftovers are gone, and we've already used up a lot of the snack stuff I have. I won't get to the HFS until Thursday day, which is sort of useless in terms of lunches for her because she gets pizza on Fridays. So onward we struggle, looking for variety and something to liven up her days, nutritious and edible, and not too weird. I still have yet to get into making the rice balls, but sometime soon ... maybe on Friday since we're going over to the new (not new, but newly not dead) mall to meet Lori and Brige for a coffee and a walk about. Kinda lame, but there's Starbucks, bookstore, playspace, and a bunch of options for Brige who has to find a Holy Communion gift for a girl.

In other news - I made it through my first race in THIRTY ONE (yes, 31) years. The last race was a 1 mile race at the Larchmont Temple Picnic in 1977. I was 10 and came in ... somewhere in the middle. This was a 5k for Darfur, and I ran a bit, mostly fast walked it, and came in ... somewhere in the middle. !!! I was shooting for 37 min., but then I forgot to change my shoes before we left and had to do it in my craptastic mocs, which I am SURE added 3 min or more to my time. ;) Since then I've gotten up at 6:30ish to do 40+ min. walks with Zami, and I am LOVING it. The down side is that when I get up, Ori gets up. He's been a major crankpot (yesterday was his worst day EVER - I think he cried for over an hour total crying time, in about 6 different meltdowns throughout the day). Tonight B and J are at a Softball game (hit it outta the park, girl!) and I got O to bed after a bath by 7:09. I'm really hoping that his getting up early means he will go to bed early...though how this will happen when she is home and he wants to be part of the action I really do not know. Tonight was nice and quiet, and he had all the stuffies on his bed (Fred the Frog, Honey the Bear, Zippy the doll, the naked boy with no name, Peter Rabbit, and DW). I may not be able to find him later! He's probably got himself wrapped up in all the blankies, pillows and stuffies, but he's been asleep for a loooong time (it's 7:45 now).

Speaking of which, nearly time for the girl to return. I shall endeavor to tidy the kitchen and make her a snack of chips and salsa. I find that when they eat early (before 5) they are much much happier, but they do need a snack around 8 (she does, anyway).

Loads of photies, recently, but not enough time to play with them, so nothing to update there.

The Business of Bento

2008-04-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

Since B has been vegetarian, it's been challenging (in mostly positive ways) to make her lunches and dinners that she likes, will eat, and will keep her blood pumping (physically). She's normally such a good eater, and tbh I didn't realize how often I'd come to rely on meat as a snack/main course! This has been a real eye opener. Now more than ever I am sending her in to school with a lunch box packed full of ziplocks, miniature plastic containers, and other such paraphernalia to make sure that there is at least something that the child likes! Past lunches have included (portions on the small side, remember):

1 whole fruit or fruit cup
1/2 pita stuffed with raw spinach, hummus and grated rice cheese
1 chocolate milk
1 water
1 baggie of chips or other snack food
1 oatmeal bar.

Pretty much everything is organic (organic water? is that hyperbole or an oxymoron?), and the portions help keep things balanced - there's more pita than stuff inside the pita, there's more stuff inside the pita than anything with sugar, and there's more stuff that is in it's most natural state than processed stuff (the oatmeal bars are really simple, ground flax seed, honey, frozen fruit (cut up), banana, optional carob chips. I chop up the first bunch in a food processor, and then roll it in the oatmeal. I chill it, cut them, and that's it! The kids dig them!). The chips, chocolate milk, and pita are processed/store made, but overall it's a pretty healthy lunch for her. It'll be nice to add other things.

Other kinds of stuff: sandwiches with lettuce, hummus and cheese, all kinds of soups (minestrone being a real fave), tacquitos, mac and cheese with rehydrated sun dried tomatoes, apple theme stuff (apple sauce, apple rings, apple butter on a bagel or bread, etc.) and various salads - salmon/tuna, cuke/tomato/feta, tomato/mozz, there's endless varieties. I do make fruit salads, because her expander/braces make biting into hard fruits dangerous (and potentially very expensive!).

These have all been fine, and since she will eat fish, it's not scaring me that she isn't getting the calcium or whatever it is we're supposed to be worried about with vegetarians (iron?), she eats an incredibly varied diet. But I was starting to get thin on IDEAS! So I went surfing the blog waves, and found some great blogs (this one is the best, by far, but many others had creative, fun, and wonderfully healthy ideas)! Most of them use the bento boxes, though I think it's entirely possible to make them cute and fun and varied with small disposable Glad plastic bins, too. Just for fun, and to try it out, I ordered a couple of Totoro Bentos from JList. It's going to take a few weeks for them to get here, but I'm looking forward to changing things up a bit. They are pricy little things! IT's quite the business, making little boxes to take lunch to school. I guess it always was, I just wasn't paying it much attention. :D

My time...

2008-04-08T19:24:00.000-07:00

I had three whole, uninterrupted, very blissful hours at Borders this weekend. It was the one in MSG, or maybe it's Penn Plaza, but anyway, it was FABULOUS. I looked through LOADS of books I'd had my eye on, eliminated many that look great online but book in hand, not so fabulous. ;P And I just enjoyed enjoyed enjoyed the time OFF. The chaperoning of the girls was tiring, though uneventful. We left Hastings with 9 girls, and ended up in the village with 9 girls. YAY! B had a good time at the sleepover, which is great, and I think Liana had a good birthday overall, which is what it's all about! It was really great to have some me time in it all - including sleeping blissfully alone and having a shower just as long as I felt like being in there, not shutting it off mid-shampoo to answer to the cries of MOOOOOOOOM! Wonderful...

And then there is this little ditty, which I've kind of been ignoring.

1. What was your biggest challenge this past week?
2. What was your biggest accomplishment this past week?
3. What was the most exciting thing that happened in your life this past week?
4. What one thing made you the happiest this past week?

the week isn't over, so perhaps I'll go mid-week to mid-week...not sure that makes a bit of difference.

1. My biggest challenges this week include remembering to take my new liver toner pills from Dr. Masterson (which took me a week to pick up), to stay motivated about exercise at least 4 days a week, and to just pass up the junk. My weak spot all week - dark chocolate covered raisins.

2. Biggest accomplishment...hmmm...not losing any of the girls was very good. Getting the SU meeting organized w/T and led through was good too. Taking Beca and Orin to the new preschool - good. Not spending too much $ in NYC - VERY good. I don't think that counts as an accomplishment though. Perhaps my biggest accomplishment was doing my treasure map this week. It felt GREAT! Still waiting for the glitter glue to dry. :D

3. The most exciting thing? I guess having some time to myself in NYC was it - can't say I used it super efficiently, but it was great to be in the most exciting city in the WORLD!

4. What made me the happiest? The times that Ori made it to the loo before unleashing the river in his pants, VERY happy. Seeing Beca navigate the wild and wiley waters of pre-adolescence both in school and amongst her Westchester peers - VERY happy! Practicing pop flies with B was fun too! It was a rather happy week all in all!

Not allowed to tell...

2008-04-05T06:04:00.001-07:00

At the library the other day, I found The Period Book, which I gotta say was really cool. I looked through it a lot, and I think I'll get it for Beca soon. What I'm not supposed to tell is *related* to that...maybe I'll try to do this using a TWEENER (I am getting a belly laugh thinking how appropriate that term is!) from our Cranium game...

it's bigger than a tube top, smaller than a corset.
it's bigger than a nipple ring, smaller than a titsling.
it's bigger than ... have you guessed?

Did I mention it is for B, who is almost 10? And she wouldn't shop for it, even though I found it at The Limited Too, which is Tween shop CENTRAL. So she also got some cami's and new leggings and two new cool shirts. :D My little girl is REALLY growing up - I can see it in the changes in her bone structure in her face, the words, the attitude, the body, the activities. Last night she had a birthday party that went till almost 9pm, and today we drive down to Westchester for Liana's 10th birthday. Jeckyl and Hyde's, then a sleepover in Manhattan. Good grief... I'm only grateful that Beca has basically NO competitive bone in her body.

Prank???

2008-04-02T19:05:00.000-07:00

This is VERY funny! Thanks for sharing it, world! I am so thrilled that some teency bit of progress has been made in Zimbabwe - it's certainly not going to solve their financial and social problems, it's not going to build them factories, clean up their rivers, find them new buses or build them new clinics and schools - it's not going to provide the over 3 million AIDS and HIV clients with drugs that are not available there yet. But it IS progress! And for that, I am eternally grateful...

Waiting...

2008-03-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

I am wondering what the possibilities are that the elections in Zim will, even remotely, allay the misery of the people who live in the most splendid of places, where the spray from the falls wets your face, and the verdant bush tickles your calves. I wonder whether there is a hope for Zimbo's, in and outside of Zim. And I wonder whether there is any reason left, anyTHING left, for Mugabe to continue on as President. Perhaps he is ready to leave office and let some other sorry bugger pick up the pieces of the lives of the 12 million people who are broke, starving, under or unemployed, who suffer from malaria and AIDS and TB and dysentery. There is so little left, and yet what there is, is HOPE. There are roads that men trod every single day, rain, heat, and chill, looking for a job, some job, a stray bill in a gutter, a chance for a life outside the misery. There are suburban houses that women approach, wary and hungry and just a bit delirious, looking for a job washing clothes or cooking or scrubbing toilets. There are back alleys where children pick through the cans, looking for a scrap to eat, a wearable sweater, shoes with laces. Is there a possiblility? Of COURSE there is! Of COURSE there is a real and vibrant chance for recovery, for generosity of spirit, for jobs and production and new crops to bring the country to a place of reasonable peace and prosperity - not full of HDTV's or cell phone towers, but a place where there is less death, less hardship and wretchedness. Where children go to school with shoes and books, and daddy's come home on the bus with a packet of milk for dinner and mama has been stirring the mealie meal sadza and the aroma of boiled meat and carrots mixes with squash... where the mountain mist lifts and the greens, dark and deep and light, take away your breath. And the tea you sip is grown on the farm next door, and the tobacco floors are loud and smelly and full of slapping and clapping. Where the line for the mill is longer than the line for food handouts. Where the village chiefs are more worried about equipment and stray goats than about how to keep their people alive another day, another week. I believe in the beautiful people, the strong lean Matabele, the solid, cerebral Shona, the incredibly resourceful, dogged,and steadfast muzungu who have lived and farmed, fled to and fled from this most marvelous of landscapes. I believe that they can do things for themselves, that they can learn and grow and build and pullulate prosperity, sing abundance, and find gratification in their world. And I know somehow, some day, I will see a happier time there. God bless, and may the results be those you want, shamwari yangu.

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Holding off

2008-03-29T11:52:00.000-07:00

I held off sharing this for a long time - its a little bit risquee, perhaps more than a little. I refrained from showing it to my daughter (and the 3yo as well). But the instant laughter it brings me is worth putting it up. With no more delay for you needing a lift ...

I hope you laughed! Perhaps some graceful soul will translate the announcer for the rest of us...

Ketchup on my lifeburger, please

2008-03-25T06:27:00.000-07:00

So like a burger, my life can be. Squished between layers of fattening bread, is the meat of me, and in between are the nutritious bits, the spicy onion, the fibrous lettuce, the juicy tomato. Never quite enough of those, but enough for a nibble and a taste. :D

Some catch up of photos, first.

Icicles by the house, March 2008

Deer Tracks Albany Pine Bush trails

Cara on her 5th brithday. She's our neighbor!

Purple carrot we used in our Carrot Flower soup. It was SO yummy!

MBOY - outgoing.

Ori's new Hoodie!

This is how my kids sleep on weekends...geesh!

Beca blowing her first egg - she's tried before, this is the first time it WORKED! She was so proud. We painted an even dozen, and they were well received by the easter bunny.

International Pillow Fight Day

What's he looking for on Easter morning?

Egg hunt

Last time as a yellow belt! Congrats on passing you Blue belt test, Beca

A viking worthy of the horns.

I am working on some relatively serious healing issues, journaling, supplements, and chiro regularly. I'd love to find an acupressurist/puncturist nearby, but not really sure we can afford the cost at the moment...we took a big tax hit this year. Bummer. Gone are the days o a nice fat refund check...until next year! :D

Zami is doing really well, his meds have evened out his legs tremendously, and no nipping of little hands attempting to remove an ear or elongate his tail. All good!

JAC spent a couple weeks traveling this month, which means one thing...SPRING! We found tiny shoots in the garden today (hopefully daffodil), and will continue on yard clean up (didn't really accomplish much today), hopefully the spring -> summer lawn care is easy - still getting up the leaves from the end of winter is the hardest part, because they are all soaked and sticky and oopy and hard to rake.

Ooooh, I found a neat little warehouse place near Railroad St. in Albany, it has a ton of local organic homemade handmade vendors on the weekends, including a wine maker, a bakery/cafe, teas - including one absolutely delish one I tried called chocolate chai and another that was a Japanese green tea with flower blossoms...omgus was it AMAZING. What a great find! I also picked up a small jar of SUPER hot chili powder (not sauce) for JAC - hopefully it's hot enough for him to want to go check out the others (they make about a dozen different kinds, this one is called Chilihead. Can you hear me laughing!?

To make a children's garden, or not to make a children's garden, this is the question. It's been YEARS of not having a garden in this house - the land is SO hard to till, the voles and moles rip everything to shreds, the deer eat everything worth eating... it's all kind of a nightmare! But maybe a tiny plot just for ori to put in some carrots and beca some tomatoes? Hmmm...

Well, there's more, including all the delicious vegetarian dinners I've been making (tonight is a Chili with cornbread baked on top from Everyday Vegan), as Beca is now an ovo-lacto-pisco-vegetarian. It's been amazing learning new dishes, has really broadened my use of spinach and beans a TON, and I'm enjoying her confidence and enjoyment in the vegetarian world... but it's time I got back to laundry and dinner. :D Because these good juicy bits, well there's never quite enough of them...

YES WE CAN!

2008-03-13T21:53:00.001-07:00

The Yes We Can Song
by will.i.am

Let's all come together like America is supposed to...
Like Japan did after Hiroshima...

that was less than 65 years ago...
and look at Japan now...

they did it together...
they did it...

"We can't?...

Are you serious..?..

WE CAN!!!

Yes we can...
A United "America"
Democrats, Republicans and Independents together...
Building a new America

We can do it...
"TOGETHER"

Thank you for reading and listening...
will.i.am

Thoughts from today

2008-03-12T11:30:00.000-07:00

Interesting things from today...(yesterday excluded because of a bloody nose - that gets me outta pretty much everything).

Today I wasn't invisible! Two people made incorrect turns on the round about circle, but neither tried to kill US, so I suppose it's forgiveable. Someday people in this town will know how to drive on the circle... I gotta say, they didn't make this an easy one! Two lanes, some of which are forced to exit, others forced to continue around, and in some cases, cars that have just entered in the outside lane can go straight through, but the inside lane cars have the option to exit, cutting straight into the outside lane people. All quite ugly (and the fault of the design/building company, not the lame drivers). I did call and complain, but as I said, no one tried to drive into us today, so it's all good. :D

People signaled today. Really, like the fella coming down 85 towards me, he signaled that he was turning into the supermarket, so I just toodled right on down 85 without slowing down for him. YAY!

People waited. Like really, they waited! It's unheard of around here for people to get to a 4-way stop and actually WAIT. It's more of a game of dare - whomever is willing to inch their way up past their corner furthest, and then ZOOM across the intersection fastest gets to go. Today, people waited. :D

And Lisa posted this on DF today, which really cracked me up. What a hoot!

From the Stuff White People Like website:

* #87 Outdoor Performance Clothes
* #86 Shorts
* #85 The Wire
* #84 T-Shirts
* #83 Bad Memories of High School
* #82 Hating Corporations
* #81 Graduate School
* #80 The Idea of Soccer
* #79 Modern Furniture
* #78 Multilingual Children
* #77 Musical Comedy
* #76 Bottles of Water
* #75 Threatening to Move to Canada
* #74 Oscar Parties
* #73 Gentrification
* #72 Study Abroad
* #71 Being the only white person around
* #70 Difficult Breakups
* #69 Mos Def
* #68 Michel Gondry
* #67 Standing Still at Concerts
* #66 Divorce
* #65 Co-Ed Sports
* #64 Recycling
* #63 Expensive Sandwiches
* #62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People
* #61 Bicycles
* #60 Toyota Prius
* #59 Natural Medicine
* #58 Japan
* #57 Juno
* #56 Lawyers
* #55 Apologies
* #54 Kitchen Gadgets
* #53 Dogs
* #52 Sarah Silverman
* #51 Living by the Water
* #50 Irony
* #49 Vintage
* #48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
* #47 Arts Degrees
* #46 The Sunday New York Times
* #45 Asian Fusion Food
* #44 Public Radio
* #43 Plays
* #42 Sushi
* #41 Indie Music
* #40 Apple Products
* #39 Netflix
* #38 Arrested Development
* #37 Renovations
* #36 Breakfast Places
* #35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report
* #34 Architecture
* #33 Marijuana
* #32 Vegan/Vegetarianism
* #31 Snowboarding
* #30 Wrigley Field
* #29 80s Night
* #28 Not having a TV
* #27 Marathons
* #26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!)
* #25 David Sedaris
* #24 Wine
* #23 Microbreweries
* #22 Having Two Last Names
* #21 Writers Workshops
* #20 Being an expert on YOUR culture
* #19 Traveling
* #18 Awareness
* #17 Hating their Parents
* #16 Gifted Children
* #15 Yoga
* #14 Having Black Friends
* #13 Tea
* #12 Non-Profit Organizations
* #11 Asian Girls
* #10 Wes Anderson Movies
* #9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
* #8 Barack Obama
* #7 Diversity
* #6 Organic Food
* #5 Farmer’s Markets
* #4 Assists
* #3 Film Festivals
* #2 Religions their parents don’t belong to
* #1 Coffee

Although I feel like it isn't good for the world to separate us all out, and it isn't better for anyone to say that something is FOR white people (EVER), I gotta say the writing is FUNNY and I did enjoy it, overall.

All in all, I laughed and felt visable today - so I'll call it a good day and move forward.

In the Company of Vegetables

2008-03-11T20:56:00.000-07:00

Well, it's happened. Rebecca, aged 9yrs. 9mos. (almost) has declared herself a vegetarian. I gotta say, it's not surprising - I actually only hope for her sake that she can STAY a vegetarian after the first bacon and pancake breakfast that JAC makes... that's likely to be the breaking point. She did eat chicken noodle soup the other day, too - though it was the craptastic Lipton stuff in an envelope, so the actual amount of chicken in there is so small it's hardly worth noting. Anyway, she'd been doing great so far! She ate a wonderful black bean soup I made today (as long as it's pureed, she'll eat pretty much anything lol!), and tried the hot egg salad (which was awful) too. She had totally veg. lunches M and Tu this week, and tomorrow and Thursday I have some good stuff planned. Dinner tomorrow will be fish, since she is willing to eat fish. Free range only, of course. :D

We've been doing a LOT of company visits recently - you know, there's this amazing thing about company. They invite us back. Interesting part, is although I don't like going, and sometimes flake (though I send the others), I do actually mind if we aren't re-invited. Not a lot, mind you, just a little chuffed off feeling. Well, in some cases it's taken 2 yrs. to get back together with some people, and in other cases, we were never invited back to their place. Not sure if we have bad breath (collectively?) or if there really are rude people out there. Anyway, we had Nieves and Dennis over with the kids as well as Mindy and Jason 2 weekends ago - a big vegetarian FEAST was made, enjoyed and devoured by all. This weekend we are having Tim and Megan over, that will be FUN and then the weekend after Michou and Ed and the kids. So it's busy, and fun, and I am enjoying making interesting new dishes. For sure the 2 best cookbooks I have are the Celebration of Wellness and Full of Beans (courtesy of Tasha :D ) which is sponsored (of course!) by the Ontario Coloured Bean Growers Association. Can you see me laughing!!!

In other news, we have our new iMac! It's really brilliant, and we've got a couple new games to go with it (I decided to get them because almost none of our old ones work on the new Intel processor Mac, so I got them when I returned iWork, after being told I'd be able to use the Office program I installed on the MacBook, but now I can't FIND the discs for that ... still looking), and the kids are totally digging it. We did get KidPix, and both of them like that. Not as wonderful as Ori's drawing today, which was very creative and fun! He said it's a picture of himself, and he has a head and neck, eyes and nose, body (with spine haha!), arms and legs. The legs are made from green painter's tape, and there are a couple of colors in the drawing too. I was VERY impressed! I will try to scan it into the new puter and get it on here - not that anyone ELSE will think he's a Picaso in the making!

Life is busy and good otherwise - all healthy and feeling like we can handle the world. Beca passed her Blue Belt test this week, and I started rewrites on the short story I hope to enter into a competition later this spring. I'm nearly finished with the hoodie I am making for Ori, and all in all it looks like a first attempt, but pretty and soft and maybe he'll wear it. :D

Florida Fun

2008-02-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

A huge catchup is required here (for my own records, more than anything), but I did just upload photos, so now is as good a time as any to get those up and fill everyone in on how wonderful the trip was!

We left around 2ish from Beca's school, she was so thrilled to get picked up, and ready to GO! We made it as far as Baltimore (and could have made it further, but it seemed fortutious to stop early and spread out the drive so that we hit Jaxonville as early on Monday morning as we could). The hotel was ok, and we hit DC first thing in the AM, stayed at the memorials through lunch, and then drove down to the Carolinas. :D

First view of the Capitol Building. :D

Kids flying along the Potomac.

At the Lincoln Memorial, looking at the Washington Memorial.

Beca as close to the White House as we could possibly get. Which wasn't very close.

The next day we dropped in on Savannah. WOW! I really enjoyed this city. Beca and I went to Juliette Gordon Lowe's home, which was very cool (and for those wondering, she is the founder of the Girl Scouts (Guides) in the USA). Here are some shots from this cool city.

We only saw a little of Savannah, but it was time to hit the trail. We made it down to the Florida border that night, and drove into Orlando Monday morning, just as planned. :D Can't say that things have gone absolutely to ideal, getting the car broken into wasn't exactly in the plan, but it was, overall, an easy and not complicated trip.

Orlando the next day was all about getting the RV. It was pretty straight forward, no glitches. USAA was terrific, getting the insurance fax in immediately and everything worked perfectly after that. It took quite a bit of fiddley road work to find and get into Fort Wilderness, only because we were total newbies. Once checked in, we got a GREAT site, and had no issues. We watched the movie at the campfire that night, even Ori stayed awake for it and enjoyed it.

I'll refrain from the checking in photos. ;-)

We had our lunch date with Winnie the Pooh and friends the next day, which was really a fun highlight. It was cool to meet the gang, but honestly, the Crystal Palace Buffet was AMAZING!!! Smoked salmon, glazed duck, salads that were vegan, vegetarian, some had cheese, some were loaded with protein, pasta, it was incredible! The kids had their own buffet, just in case the 30 feet of buffet wasn't enough! Because of our dairy issues, a chef came and escorted me along the buffet (all three, actually, the kids, the main buffet, and the dessert buffet), going through all the ingredients and what was safe. When we discussed dessert, I asked if he could scrounge something up for Ori, because all the desserts at the bar were dairy based. He found us some raspberry sorbet that was GONE in no time!

The kids loved meeting the characters. We discussed what we could ask each one, and they all answered the questions except Pooh (who maybe couldn't hear us?).

Tigger: Where's the bounciest spot in the Magic Kingdom? (we opened up the map and let him point)

Pooh: Is there a good hunny tree anywhere nearby? Same map, no pointing.

Piglet: Are the Haycorns any good at the buffet? YES!

Eyeore: If he loses his tail in the restaurant, will he let us help him find it? YES!

We got in just in time for the big Cinderella's Castle show (oh my, the SHOWS! Worth a fortune, those shows! The kids really enjoyed them!). This one was about how believing in something can make it happen. How totally LoA!

Me and Chef Ken going through the big buffets.

Tigger! Ok, Ori was a leeetle scared of Tigger, but he also was VERY into asking his question. So he overcame his fear of the big stripey dude, and asked away. What a brave little fellow. :D

Pooh. Kinda blah, but very smiley.

Awwwww....

Well, it'd be really easy to go on and on and on and on and ... about Disney. I can't say as the rides were that thrilling, but the shows were incredible, the campground was fun and perfect (clean, clean, CLEAN!). We rented a little golf cart one day, to do laundry and spend the morning chilling out just me and Ori while JAC and Beca went to MGM/Hollywood Studios, what a blast! You can go ANYWHERE in Fort Wilderness, and we went most everywhere! Well, in between loads of laundry, that is!

Here's the little blighter in the cart - he also decided at one point to explore the pedals on the floor of the cart. Smashed into the back of the van, luckily, and no damage to anyone or anything...but GEESH!

My favorite Park by FAR! Animal Kingdom had the best ride (Everest) other than Soarin, in all the land of Parkdom. There was a huge variety of food, activities, and we caught at least two big parades. BIG parades. Like 30 floats long and every Disney character imaginable (and a few new ones to us!).

Ori mooning the crowd in the Conservation Station.

Rafiki - a true friend. :D

Epcot! TOTALLY underrated (but I hear it is going to undergo some renos soon, so hopefully people will talk more about it. We ate in three countries, LOVED Soarin, and enjoyed the Nordic adventure too, though comparatively it was kinda lame, had a long line, and wasn't all that interesting to the adults. Ori loved it.

At Animal Kingdom, while waiting for our FastPass at Everest (which we all went on at least twice, and Beca went on 4 times!), we went and checked out the show at Nemo and Friends. Holy COW! What an amazing production! TOTALLY audience interactive, super high quality acting, the puppetry was awesome, the music wonderful, the sound quality superb, and overall, the show was a showstopper!

It was a really special visit, one we're sure to remember (and remind Orin of) for a loooong time.

And just a quick mention: we were the first family at the early evening show of the Hall of Presidents, which means they introduced us to the entire audience and we had to wave like the queen and giggle. It was fun - ok, so we didn't win dream fastpasses, but we did get to experience some of the fun of the Year of Wishes. Not that we'd ever wish to be Frist Family...or have people we don't know giggle right back at us lol!

So after we packed up from Disney, we meandered down I4 to I75 to Siesta Key. Ahhhh - once we found our campground, which by all accounts is SMALL (though it was MY idea to turn around when we were really 95% of the way there!) and got backed into the slot that we would call home for the next 5 days, it was all luxury. Sand, hammock, friends, beer, surf and excellent grub. :D It was SO fun! Heidi posted up some great photos, not sure if I'll figure out how to post them on here, but I've got some other ones I can share meanwhile. It really was a major chill out session for us all. :D

With Iris

My boys on the beach.

Our last full day on Siesta Key we decided to rent a power boat and cruise the intercoastal waterway. We went in search of dolphins, manatees, and beauty, and we sure got our share! We didn't see any manatees, I think they are all congregating around the southern waterways this time of year (or in kinda contained areas, like Crystal Springs, which are really touristy). But here's our dolphin who came and visited us! And some gratuitous shots from the boat. The other little gal is Olivia, and her folks are there too - Jodi and Dave. Really nice folks from Turtle Beach Campground that Beca made friends with first, and well, we all just gelled! It was a lot of fun! :D

What we affectionately termed Peepee Island. :D

Smashfaced Ori snoozed for the last little bit. He didn't take very many naps this trip (and made ALL his poopies in the potty! And nearly all his pees, too!), but when he crashed, it was HARD. :D

The ride home was FAST and uneventful. We did it in 2 days, with a short 8 hr day and a long 17 hr day. JAC was afraid of getting caught behind the storm and having crappy drivers (and roads) to contend with, so he blazed through the night and we pulled in late Thursday night. Over all too quickly, it was a fabulous vacation!

You know you're south of the Mason Dixon Line when...

2008-02-09T17:31:00.002-08:00

There are 6 kinds of pork bellies for sale in the vending machines.

Peaches are served with, well, everything!

People switch between their oxygen tanks and their cigarettes in the parking lots, well, everywhere!

You can get corn nuggets, but not potato nuggets.

All the young children have dark skinned babies as dollies.

We drove from Baltimore area to Washington DC today, checked out the monuments (and WOW is it ever hard to get a picture of the White House!), had a nice lunch on the Potomac, I think B really enjoyed it all, and it was nice for Orin to get out and run around (and around and around lol!). Then we bee-lined it from DC down to South Carolina, where yes, there are pork bellies and peaches just EVERYWHERE! It's really quite refreshing. There's a palm tree outside our hotel room, and we can really let go of our winter clothes. YAY!!!

Obama is winning a few states, which is fabulous...but not the big states, which is somewhat disappointing.

Ok, Beca's turn for the 'puter. It's started off a really fun vacation! :D

Recall

2008-02-06T20:22:00.000-08:00

Ok - we got our 4th Recall letter in the mail in the past several months. All different items, all with scary potential effects. First was the Thomas stuff - we didn't have much, a few stop signs lol. Lead paint isn't a huge concern of mine, but certainly the results of lead poisoning are not funny! I'm not even totally sure the stuff we had was in the lots that were recalled, but I chucked them anyway. Then the aquadots thing - Beca thought it was so cool, and good lord! Coma and what-all-else for those little kids! Ugh! And then the lamp in the living room - yes, a lamp. Seems this particular one is burning down peoples homes, living room first. And lastly there was the letter from Battat about the mini-magnet-building-set that we got Beca a few yrs ago. Apparently the magnets were popping out and causing problems in the digestive tracts of children. D'oh! As soon as the first one popped out I've started throwing them away, and steadily I have continued to do so. It's taken a while, actually, to get them all; I'm still not sure I have. It never did occur to me to gather them into one place and RETURN THEM TO THE MANUFACTURER!!! Not sure what is with me - I seem to have fallen into a seriously lame funk these past few years.

Being a mom is hard. Being a mom with responsibilities beyond just caring for a child is harder. For instance, being in charge of the maintenance of the cars, any major decisions (ANY major decisions) regarding our lives - health care, education, any expenditure of money on a large scale, maintenance of our quality of life items (house, car, etc.), these are all in my purview. Now don't take this as complaining, though I'd dearly love to do that. In reality, I'm HAPPY that these are mine and pretty much mine alone. In the end, what I say goes on a lot of topics. However, it is exhausting. More tiring than I care to admit to myself. I spent DAYS researching preschools (what they're supposed to teach, how they can do that, optimal hours per day, per week, etc.) and finally decided on one that fit all my needs, exceeded my expectations for facility and teachers, and that wasn't a days drive. In each direction.

As we get ready for vacation (FLORIDA!!! DISNEY!!! HEIDI!!! WOOHOO!!!), I find myself consumed with a zillion tiny (and not so tiny) decisions, some cost nothing, some cost hundreds or thousands of our dollars...and SO much TIME! Wow...it's really something else, how much time can be taken up trying to get a reasonable sized media player for the kids to hold onto in the back seat, one that has enough memory for a few movies (so they can choose) and that doesn't have wires all over everywhere. And of course, nothing NOTHING is ever easy. I chose to get a PSP slim and light, which purports to play MPEG4's BUT...and it's a BIG FAT GREEK BUTT... they only play PSPMPEG4's. So all the ones I have on my HD are not working. And it's not one download, it's not TWO downloads, it's not THREE downloads...I've done more than FOUR downloads already, and the darned thing still won't work. So now, at the 11th hour, I'm stuck with $300 worth of machine (that only actually cost me $150, but that's besides the point!) that doesn't do what I need it to do, and does what I didn't need it to do (entertain with witless and useless games that are helluva fun and totally addictive). Grrrrrrreat.

Well, so as I find myself so consumed (and there are a lot of other decisions undescribed - the car top carrier, the bike carrier, the rental unit, driving vs flying down, what to do about our food issues etc.), the amount of time and energy I have for stuff like collecting tiny magnets that are spread all over the darned house and collecting them and sending them back to Battat - well it's pretty low on the list. Getting laundry done, clearing out the fridge, getting someone to feed the fish - these are all bigger issues for me. And our dog sitter that we lined up - Jason and Mindy? Jason hasn't been in all week. I suppose if he isn't in tomorrow we will have to call and beg. God, how humiliating. Getting recalled sucks.

Dear John

2008-01-29T05:31:00.001-08:00

A Message from John Cleese

To: The citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for
President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give
notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical
duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except
Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for
America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any
of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You
will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour'
and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without
skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by
the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to
acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary' ).

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form
of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take
account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You
will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,
lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and
therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to
sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then
you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if
you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for
your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what
we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will
start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time,
you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of
conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been
calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French
fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling
potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut,
fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not
actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be
referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted
provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also
acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation
on earth and it can only be due to the beer. American brands will be
referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold
without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as
good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to
play English characters.

Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings
and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed
with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind
of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough
will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities
to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every
twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of
nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash
you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to
host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played
outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a
world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will
learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to
take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's
Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all
monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never
mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in
season.

God save the Queen.

Only He can.

Preschool Puzzles

2008-01-23T19:23:00.000-08:00

Ah, yes. Now that the little bugger is 3, and schools are beginning to accept registration to the 3yo programs in Sept., we (the Carlson/Lee's) need to make a decision.

Here I will go through the thought processes... First: what is the point of it? To help the little man socialize, and to give him access to more kids through which he can learn, in a loving and safe environment. I would LOVE to have some dedicated time w/out a child at home, too. I wonder if I will use it prductively, I hope I will. But either way, it's time for me to get a break.

Decision 1. Hours. morning or afternoon? 2 or 4 hours? once, twice, thrice, or five days a week?

Thoughts on Decision 1. : fewer days, longer hours would be ideal. Ideal would be 9 or 10 -1 Tues and Thurs. The only place that has those hours/days is the JCC which is a LOT more money, because membership is required (which means belonging to a gym again). Bonus: he gets extras like swim lessons, we can add extra hrs. if we need to, and there is a nice play area outside. It's NOT local, about 15 min, each way. I could build work outs 2 days a week into my schedule (tho there is no care for him on other days). I will have to call them to find out more. I'm sure this is the MOST expensive option, because it's inclusive of the membership. Sigh.

Decision 2. : local vs. travel

Thoughts on Decision 2. : there are some wonderful options locally, although none of them really offer the hours I would ideally prefer. TVN has 2.5 hrs 2 or 3 days a week, and BMSD has 5x/wk 2.5 hrs. and the candy place has 2.5 hrs. 2 days a week (cheapest option). but requires a little more travel - 10 min each way. The other two are completely local, less than 5 min. travel. This is not unimportant! Supporting local businesses is important to me. I often pay extra for this service. Also, the travel time cuts into the time away from dc.

Decision 3. : Homeschool vs. Nursery school

I think there is a misunderstanding that if one doesn't start sending their children to nursery or pre school at 3 that they are planning to home school? Or that it is some kind of disservice to their children. T and D sent the kids to the candy place, but only for 1 year preceeding kindergarten. Keeping him home this year seems already to have pushed the envelope for a lot of people (although according to the school district calendar he is smack on target). I have no intention of changing or making any decision based on what other people want for him, that's just silly. It's the fact that I don't really know what I want for him that is making this hard. Making the decision for ME is feeling somewhat ... upstream.

I *could* home school dc, he's an easy kid to teach, loves to watch and learn, and really enjoys being a part of everything. Otoh, I think he'd love being with other children, too. He *might* not, but I really think he'd be likely to enjoy the time w/other children his own age. Once warmed up. And this is part of the problem for me w/the shorter days that the local schools have. They have short 2.5 hr days, that mean that a kid who warms up slowly really doesn't get much of a chance to do stuff if it takes him 1+hr to warm up to the environment. I'm sure that over time he'd get much better about being dropped off etc., but right at first I am guessing that there will be separation issues.

I think all the classrooms - other than the Montessori - are very mainstream, not a lot of wooden toys, not a lot of the quality that I am used to from BMSD or WHMS in their materials. But I'm not sure that would be a huge issue. I am sure, if we are here, that he could get into BMSD as a 4yo, no problem. So what I'm looking for, I guess, is something for ME. And that means fewer days per week (forcing me to really be productive on those days) and longer hours (so that more can get done), local. Which doesn't exist.

JAC feels he doesn't need it at all, but I really think he'll enjoy it tremendously. Three short days may be a nice medium if 2 long are not an option. :D

Keeping warm

2008-01-22T16:27:00.001-08:00

The championship playoffs were on last weekend, we watched the Pats game at home, sort of during, sort of after Ori's party. Pats won! Laura would be thrilled, beyond thrilled, OVERJOYED! And then we ate a nice birthday supper and off to the Grogan's to watch the Giants game, which was a real neck - in - neck race! Giants, thank the french toast goddess, won! They played in Green Bay (and we DO love the Packers, but who could root against their own home team?) and it was NEGATIVE 22F out. Those boys looove football, as Beca and I say! It's fully fully winter out, there is no doubt. The house feels chilly, and we are spending a small (or not so small!) fortune on heating oil. Until we come in from outside, and then the house, with our down parkas, hats, mitts, scarves, and sweaters on, is sweltering! It's all about staying WARM, finding that important balance.

JAC and I played Abounding River last night - I gotta say I'm really glad we got the chance to play a little, and that it was just he and I for the first round of play, and that now I know what it's about. It's really a very woowoo game, but fun, too, and the laughing spot is hysterical! It was nice, especially, not to sit by my self while he watched more games on tv. :-D A nice balance for us, to once in a while do stuff really just I want to do, though he is willing, and most of the time he gets to do what he likes to do, veg and chill.

Randy says "It is a mistake to try to gain control over your home when you haven't gained control over your own behavior and emotions." It is modeling what you DON'T want you children to do, and expecting them not to follow your lead! STUPID! Am I guilty? Of course I'm guilty. Am I excessively guilty? I hope not. I see some of their bad behavior and wonder where that comes from - and it's almost always me. Impatience, snappishness, inability to just let go and let others do things their own way. UGH! I am really going to work on this.

Today I tried to implement one of the notes from last night's game - that I would take 20 min to myself for writing. I did find something that engaged Ori for 20 min., but wasted the time online. BAD. Then, when I WAS motivated to do some writing, he was needing me like every 5 min. It was a hard moment. At one point, he really lost his cool (which for 3 is pretty predictable) and pinched me HARD to make his point. I shouted at him - mostly in pain - and sent him away from me for a few minutes. He went upstairs. About 2 min later, I went up and we apologised to each other using both words and hugs and snuggles. Again, finding that balance is not easy. He can't hurt people, but he isn't always old enough to use his words effectively. And if he doesn't get what he wants, he can get ornery quite fast lol! Otoh, at 3 (or almost three, or 3.5) I think he's really capable of a few 20 min. sessions w/out full time (unpaid) entertainment. I know he is. JAC believes this too. Benign neglect is a LOT about having him take charge of his own entertainment, and ALSO about him learning how to ask for help. Keeping warm when things get too cold (in solitude) or hot (in anger). Balance.

Tomorrow we'll try again. He has a busier day, with music class in the AM and I think I'm going to try to get to the parent teacher store in Latham and see what's what for learning multiples. Poor Beca. Finding a balance in this for her is HARD. It's hard for me too. I KNOW she can do this, I support her 100%, but all the things I have tried have failed because she isn't motivated. WHY?? WHY isn't she motivated? I don't know. I do care, but I don't know how to get to the answer. So, in the meantime, she can learn them or sit in the trailer while we do fun stuff at disney. It's going to be her big reward to have all the rides and fun stuff at Disney for 4 days - and if she doesn't learn them, she can watch the fireworks from the camper. :-( I just don't know another way, other than letting go completely...and given that she has state mandated math exams in March, I don't feel comfortable with that option. Sigh. Where oh were is the warm spot in all this? Back to real life, to seeking the place of harmony.

Balloon time!

2008-01-20T09:51:00.000-08:00

It's very quiet here, right now. The gang have all gone off to pick up balloons for Ori's little party - two children (one other who is visiting his grandfather's in Rochester will come by next weekned) for a playdate, some cake, juice, and fun. Not a big deal. But this birthday, in perspective, is the biggest birthday I think a child can have. It represents for me a loss of babyhood, completely. It is time to use words, push against mama more than ever, in some cases for the first time. It begins a process of weaning from the parent that will continue for the next 15+ years, but didn't happen last year, and certainly not the year before. Until now, it's really been all about being close to me, to us. About sleeping close, being close in strange new places, being held or touched or in some way connected to me/us pretty much all the time. And now, for the first time, there is some expectation that he can participate without us - gymnastics, library story time, even the concept of preschool beginning at 3 (which if we do will begin at 3.9 for Ori) is all about that break away moment for them.

I believe it doesn't happen because of balloons or a cake, but because it takes about that long for their willfulness to mature into something they can control - not random willful behaviour, as had been the case, but focused, directed stubborn behaviour. Directed and focused almost entirely at me, but that's par for the mama course, isn't it! And I'm really good with that. When Beca turned three, I so clearly remember her at her party, all the neighbor kids in the backyard, splashing in the hot tub and playing in the sand box. She had such a fabulous good time, and really enjoyed the attnention ( not to mention gifts lol) that I can remember looking at her and seeing for the first time a child who was full of her own desires and dreams, whos likes and dislikes were forming at an alarming rate, but who would not be swayed by my own opinions anymore. From trying a new food, to wanting or not wanting school/clubs/sports, she had formed her own opinions of things and was now sort of done w/me and my silly adult opinions.

I don't think Ori is in that same place on his 3rd birthday, but I can see him getting there rapidly. He is still a very cuddly little fellow, with a huge need for connection, and I am so grateful for that! It's lovely to have his sticky little hands holding mine, his sweet smelling breath in my nose at night, his deep brown eyes looking for me at the gymnasium, connecting, smiling, and then running back off to join the group.

I think aside from cake, balloons are the thing he wanted the most today. So we got a pack of helium ones, and daddy will blow up a bunch of others for kicking around during the play party. It's all good fun for him, everything a smile and a giggle. He is thrilled with the gifts he received - an engine wash from Didi and Uncle Ken, two new games for his First Click computer from Grandma and Poppy, tree blocks, Smiley Face game, and a basketball set up from Daddy and me, and a new card game from Beca. Joyce sent him two balance games (cactus one is TOO CUTE) as well, so he is full up on games and toys to last the whole year long! He is very appreciative, makes wonderful eye contact and lights up the room with his gratitude and joy. It's amazing... He's such an amazing little person, I am so very appreciative of his energy and spirit here with us right now. I feel like a blessing has been dropped on us in the way of a 3yo 30lb bomb of a little boy - can I gush enough???

So, the gang returns, and it is time to get the cake iced. Balloons will fill the house, and I look forward to that more than I can say with words. :D

Is it just me??

2008-01-04T05:52:00.000-08:00

The Iowa caucuses are over. Thank goodness! I honestly think it's a lot of stuff and nonsense about very little. Very little good, anyway. Is it just me, or are there other people worried about how to pay taxes, pay down debt, including Giftmas debt!, and figure out how to save a few dollars for retirement? Let alone figure out how to sock away a few dollars to help Rebecca, and later Orin, get through college or grad school or pay for a trip to Australia? It's amazing to me to think that with all the money floating around out there - more millionaires in 2007 than any other year, more grant money, more lottery winners, etc., that there are so MANY people who have these worries?

And so we worry about which presidential candidate will run for president this year. Because this IS important. This is certainly ONE of the most powerful, if not THE most powerful, countries in the world, which is a small and increasingly sour world, but still the only world we've got. The person charged with making some pretty damned big decisions - like reducing war debt and changing the structure of political decision making and redistributing the annual budget so that the war machine does NOT get 50% of our national budget, well we are going to have to be pretty damned stupid to give this to someone, anyone, who hasn't PROVEN and I mean seriously PROVEN that they can handle making these decisions! A preacher? WTF??? I looked him up online. He's an NRA, Pro-Life, minimal help kinda guy, the way I see it. He's smart and hard working, and full of the righteousness of the chosen, the blievers.

So then I went back to see what Barack was saying to everyone. I guess I was really hoping to find someone who has the ability and strengths to find NEW solutions, to insure people WELL, to provide interesting and useful alternatives in the fields of education, energy consumption, transportation, and technology. Who will see that freedom is CHOICE, and that to reduce the choices is to attack American freedom. I don't want to be parented, I already survived that (and not by much!). I want someone who will run our Health Care system to the benefit of PEOPLE, not drug companies or hospitals or doctor's insurance agents. I want someone who will figure out a National Transportation Act, who will make car companies accountable for their cars, and fast food companies accountable for their food. Who want to protect our children by letting parents make decisions about them, whether to vaccinate or educate or what kind of health care works for them best. It doesn't seem appropriate to allow children to suffer, but if a child is not suffering and parents choose to 'treat' an illness in a way that doesn't work, even resulting in the death of a child, is that not alright? Is it not their decision to make? I can appreciate that it is a hard decision to make, and we would absolutely have to revamp the entire social services system to make that kind of decision making possible, but we CAN make that happen. I think it's entirely possible, and would make for a stronger, better America, one who believes in the choices of people, and the rights of parents to be informed and empowered.

Ok, it's time for me to get movtiated and start the day here. My little rant is over. But I do hope that somehow things change for the better for EVERYONE, raising up those who feel oppressed, and bringing heart and love and change to those who don't.

Peace all.

A few favorites

2008-01-02T08:23:00.001-08:00

Here's some favorite pictures from the past year. This may get long...

Things that help stop the yelling.

2008-01-02T07:29:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to stop (or reduce!?) the am't of yelling that I do at my kids. I feel like I've notched it way back, if I don't have AF coming, and it's certainly a LOT less than when I was a kid, but I do still yell. On MDC I helped to put this list together. Again, it's not exhaustive, but it IS pretty good! :D

1. whisper
2. be clear about what you want.
3. give them easy directions that get you what you want (not requests)
4. apologize afterward (which I'm on the fence about - I think it IS right to let them know we are human and make mistakes, but unless we are really not going to do it next time, apologies don't mean much, kwim? I grew up w/a yelling mom who would tell me how human she was all the time, and it got annoying and I learned only to ditrust her.)
5. Enunciate!

and from the other thread Pat led us to (thank you Pat!)

6. STOP! What are you feeling (anger, what ELSE?)? Don't judge whether it is ok to feel this way, just OBSERVE that this is what you are feeling. What do you NEED in that red hot moment? Quiet? Space? Love? Understanding? Cooperation? Now go get it!
7. recharge before it's too late! Take a 10 min. time out and breathe, stretch, do something physical (chop wood, shovel dirt or snow, clean out the car (or some of it lol!), etc.
8. establish patterns that work for you. Cleaning bedrooms before bathtime, all toys away before dinner, etc. Try flylady.com for ideas.
9. pick your battles
10. have a keepsafe - a small rock, crystal, or token in your pocket to remind you of what you WANT in that red hot moment (what DID you want?)
11. redirect redirect redirect.
12. make sure you are happy with most of the rest of your life - your sex life, your productivity, your spirituality need to be taken care of before you will have enough energy to successfully take care of anyone else.
13. Be in the present: if you are wanting to be somewhere else, or doing something else, it's going to be harder than normal to be patient.
14. Let go of needing your children to be anything but what they are. They will never embarrass you or make you out to be what you aren't (ie: a bad mother) because their honesty, goodness and loved-ness will SHINE because you trust them, know them, and love them no matter what.
15. eat good food with regularity.
16. Sleep whenever you can or need to. Bring the kids, lock the bedroom door, and sleep.
17. it's not our job to be "perfect" as mothers but simply to be fully present with our children (and partners)
18. Not should, but WILL, or don't like, or I'm letting go of... Should implies you did it WRONG. There is no wrong, only little lessons that take us further along the path.
19. Be aware of yourself - are you hungry, tired, overstimulated, stressed, hormonal? Take care of these and then deal with the rest.
20. Find humor in the situation: is it funny that she is wearing her pajamas unside down? that he's running around naked playing air guitar with his schmeckle? that she needs 14 teddies and her stuffed lizard to be able to sleep in bed at night? Kinda. So laugh a little, tell them you love them and are close to imploding, and say goodnight. you'll check on them. You'll be back in a few minutes and if they're in bed you'll read to them. Whatever you need to do. A touch of humor can go a loooong way to difusing a potentially violent (as in yelling) situation.
21. make contact with your child(ren). Eye, body, etc.
22. stop what you are doing. make them the most important thing in that moment.
23. keep your point short and sweet.
24. no means no. don't repeat yourself.
25. Have FUN with your family! Every relationship should have a fun element to it - take pleasure in each other's company.
26. natural child website

And a few from me.

1. PMS. 3 days before and 2 days after my period I'm a real she-bear! I'm grumpier, need more sleep, chocolate, and love than any other time of the ... month lol! Being aware of this helps me, I take some herbal supplements to help me w/my lower levels of patience.

2. TV is not all bad. I use it to give myself a bit of a breather. Sometimes I use it more than I like, some days more than others, but I have learned that if I do use it, not to beat myself up over it. At all.

3. Do things in parallel - esp. good for littles under 5. Color - on separate pages. Read - different books. Dig - your own sand traps. It's ok to NOT do every single thing for them, or even with them.

4. Whenever possible, let them work out their differences. Give them a peaceful space to do this. Give them boundaries (no name calling, use the person's actual name etc.) and let them work it out. They will learn to both appreciate and respect each other in a way that YOU solving their problems will never do for them.

5. Cook ahead as much as possible. Chop up onions on the weekends, and keep them in the fridge. Onions make eggs, potatoes, tofu, and many other foods a meal.

6. Get OUT. Take a walk, bundle up, just get OUT. It will really help!

7. Make plans. Looking forward to things is a wonderful way to get through the day.

8. Join a club or circle or group. Book club, women's circle, or writing group - doesn't much matter. It's something for you about you and keeps you going.

9. Treat yourself once in a while! A mani or pedicure, a babysitter, a new pair of shoes. It doesn't have to be super expensive (a new pair of flip flops will seriously make me HAPPY), but once every 4 mos or more frequently if you can afford it, it makes a HUGE difference.

10. Look into your insurance - mine will pay for up to 6 massages a year, and several chiro visits as well (with a co-pay). These are a wonderful way to relax your day and give you something to look forward to!

11. Are you and are your children eating well for YOU? make sure you aren't allergic or reacting to your food.

12. CST/Chiro is a wonderful way to realign your body and mind.

13. Find a friend, get together, share war stories. I find it is so empowering to find a woman and share stories. Listening and offering empathy, maybe a word of advice, and getting the same in return is amazing. I had to really break out of a shell to find someone like that here, but once I did I really felt SO much better about myself! It made me yell less often because I could feel the 'virtual' support of my friend saying - yeah, wow, that would make me angry too! So, what do you need to do to deal with it w/out yelling? It SO helped!

14. BREATHE. Seriously. Yelling is pushing air OUT. Take in deep breathes and you are less likely to push it out with a yell.

Oh, wanted to list some of the books that were mentioned:

Liberated children, liberated parents by Mazlish and Faber
Easy to love:difficult to discipline by Becky Bailey
Scream Free Parenting
Dance of Anger Harriet Lerner
How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk

I think Amazon has all these books - so will most libraries!

Laundry

2007-12-30T18:41:00.000-08:00

Ok, Ok...today is the day (even a bit late, at that!) for all the cute christmas pictures, the update on the toys that JAC got, the wonderful connections via phone to friends in Canada and here in the US. But instead I'm going to talk about Laundry, because I feel reflective. I'm a bit celebrated out, and still have tomorrow night at Vernie and Co. to survive.

Laundry - the bane and the bounty of my existence. In the house I live in, I'm in charge of laundry. I go through weird phases with my clothes (physically and emotionally) where I just want the same darned clothes to wear over and over, and I want them clean. I am quite fussy about wanting them clean. I like to WEAR my clothes. I use them as dish rags, snot rags, paint easels, spot cleaners, and various other tools. They get dirty, and I like that they get dirty. And I like that they clean up nicely. :D Favorite right now are some Talbots pants (black, smart casual), some Blue Fish shirts and one of their pants, and of course my ever fashionable Blue Canoe. Beats the Target brand, but until I get my body back, this is what is working. And wearing!

So off I trudge, down to the basement (where there is a nice little TV that only seems to work for dh!? Just a big fuzzy screen for me - not even any audio) and the cement floor in my inevitably bare feet, to move, sort, pile, fold, dry, hang and wash the endless stacks of laundry. Stacks, perhaps, gives the impression of order. No order. Not until it makes it into the piles. The piles take over the floor, but they get done pretty quickly - a day or two at most. Don't try getting into the deep freeze, playing ping pong, or otherwise trying to use that space while the piles are in motion, however. The piles take OVER that space. And then the piles are gone, schlepped upstairs to sit for days, even weeks (for stuff that is moving out of seasonal circulation, for example) at the end of the big parental bed. Both kids know where to find clean underwear. JAC seems to be the only one who doesn't. And then the stack builds up, and after a few days, new piles are formed - darks, blands, brights, whites. At the end of a very very long day, those baskets may be all I have to show for 7500 worth of calories expended solely within the house. The vacuuming, floor washing, bathroom cleaning, and various other adventures in mindful home management seem to make no impact. But the laundry - thank god! - provides me with a tangible and ever wonderful smelling (Sun laundry liquid is the BOMB for clothes!) PRODUCT at the end of the day.

It's also a never ending project that is often quite disgusting (given that O is just 'barely' out of diapers and makes frequent mistakes, and JAC himself, though not newly out of diapers, seems to be heading back into them some days! There are things I LOVE about the laundry - my mama pads made by Happy Mama, seeing Beca wear the clothing I choose with love for her, seeing Orin's happily painted upon t'shirts and JAC's dirty knee'd jeans from his weekend of working away around the house and yard. I do love these tiny symbols of the people I love more than anything, anyone in the entire world. But it's all with a grain of salt, people, because look - there goes a whole pile of stuff from B's weekend sleepover, right down the chute and onto what WAS a nice, small stack.

Oh this is SO cool!

2007-12-23T12:26:00.000-08:00

This car is SO amazingly cool, and what really jazzes me is that it is like step two in the hybrid/electric car market! YAY!!! I am SO ready to dump the big $50 every week for gas Van (although I love it, too!) and find something like this Aptera that has a backseat for us. NOT a wagon, just something safe, fun, fuel efficient, and maybe electric/hybrid. I'd go w/ethanol but there doesn't seem to yet be a good source for ethanol on the East Coast, nor are there many places to fuel it up. So ... it'll be a while before we trade the van in, and Silver Star is a wonderful van for us right now! But some day in the not so distant future... Cool Ass Car, Here I Come!!! :D

Happy Birthday to Mary Ruth today, too! It's a warmer day today, we played outside all morning, then James and Laura and Ori and Beca all played here for the afternoon. Nice! I am happy that the kids have other nice kids to play with, right nearby. This is a very good thing. :D

Winter Solstice 2007

2007-12-21T20:28:00.000-08:00

What a nice night! We celebrated Winter Solstice with a poem and candles, breaking a candy cane to share, and sharing gifts that we can all benefit from. Beca got a new Kodak Camera - lots of mega pixels, 3x optical zoom, it does everything! I think she will be very happy with it. Now to see that she doesn't lose it or break it! LOL!

JAC got a $50 gift card to a hardware store that is really amazing here, lots and lots of aisles, but it's NOT a big box chain store, so it felt good to support them. I think he'll find lots of yummy things there for himself. :D

Ori got an indoor swing and trapeze (that he isn't strong/big enough for yet, but he loooongs to do what his big sister can do on there!), that is TOTALLY fun and cool. It's a great indoor toy for these long cold days.

I got a new game, called Abounding River that is SO beautiful, I really can not wait to play it! I want to invite a special friend over to play. Maybe Lori would? She can be somewhat cynical, but I think she'd enjoy it. And it really IS beautiful! I also got an archiver machine to turn cassettes into MP3's. VERY excited about THAT!

I think it's time, now that the season is upon us, to get rid of the desktop computer (that doesn't work) and replace it with something smaller. What, exactly, is not a for sure, as so far nothing perfect has come to mind. A laptop is so easily damaged by these little demons, but a desktop is just more than we really need. So ... looking. Probably won't do anything till later this spring. Meantime, it would be nice to have the space here on the desk to do my archiving. ;-)

HAPPY SOLSTICE EVERYONE!!!

After our little celebration at home, we piled into the van and attended Beca's school Winter Concert. It was entirely bearable, and the kids had a fabulous time. After that, chinese food and some boob tube, with everyone eventually crashing out and me sneaking off to load the tree up with gifts. I LOVE the look of a fully loaded tree! :D

So more wrapping tomorrow, and finishing the sand paper letter blocks for Ori, and maybe a bit of out and about time for JAC if he has the motivation and energy. Otherwise a bit of chilling out at home time, with some tidying/laundry/dishes thrown in for good luck.

All is good. I am loved. Peace.

Morning Has Broken

2007-12-19T07:00:00.000-08:00

Morning has broken ME. Getting up early has some benefits for me, like that by 7:30pm ds is so tired that he can't but fall asleep nicely. But for the most part, I am just not a morning person. I can't ever remember being a morning person, actually. I like sleeping in. I like the concept of sleeping in as much as I love the actual sleep part. There is something very luxurious about 'sleeping in', especially after years (and years!) of being awoken at godawful hours to nurse, rock, walk, soothe, and otherwise entertain little ones. So the extra sleep is really only a small piece of the 'sleeping in' luxury.

This morning, we slept in, Ori and I. It was well after 8am when we made our way downstairs, moved along the laundry and found goodies in the freezer for today (bread and stuff for a sausage and beef stew). We made scrambly eggs and toast together, which he barely ate any of, and then he proceeded to go into the play room and find scissors that his sister left out from her project making cards for her teachers and bus drivers. Then he cut the middle (very much all of the middle lol) of his knee hockey net. And two pieces of felt and several scraps of paper. He surely does like to make a mess! He did a fair job cleaning it up, too.

So having helped him clean up that room, he wanted to play his puter (first click leap pad). And he is actually DOING it. He's on level two of Nemo now. He sure seems to be more of a morning person than I am, at least as far as his productivity!

I burned it.

2007-12-10T15:38:00.000-08:00

Not dinner, my enthusiasm. I was really looking forward to the winter vacation, because I love Beca, because I often miss her, because it's nice to have the kids play together. But today was a school closing day, and I gotta say I was SOOO happy when JAC came home. It was very icy out, too icy for me to feel good about driving since I haven't had the winter tires put on the van. So in we were. We did take a nice 1 hr. walk about the neighborhood, dropped off some goodies at a neighbors house, etc. But I TWICE went online looking for new ideas of things to do (and came up w/a few good ones, like sorting soup beans, and doing pin prick designs on black construction paper using a pattern and a tea towel)...just was feeling tapped out! Some days, I am sure I can do this, have lots of great ideas, and tons of energy to make forts, puppet shows, drawings, read to them, and find lots of fun things to do. Other days? I seriously wonder whether my kids got gypped. :/

Digging in the dirt...not literally

2007-12-02T17:50:00.000-08:00

Getting into stuff with B these past few weeks, definitely me feeling hormonal, but also B going through a phase of sorts, out of sorts, needy and cuddly and simply forgetful, neglectful, remnants of her babyhood mixing with her bigger, more mature self that refuses things (like taking care of her stuff, picking up after herself, not showering when asked) and yet taking on a lot more responsibility with Ori and the neighborhood kids. I think she 'gets' that she is older than James and Laura and Ori, enough so to make it uncomfortable when stuff goes wrong. She's the ring leader (although I think Laura bullies her way into it occasionally), and in the final analysis, it's her decisions that carry the most weight.

One battle I've started to give up on recently is TV. I think that I will unblock the awful channels on our main tv, because I'm finding she's just going up or downstairs to watch the channels I can't block. Grrr. My attitude is that it's better to battle the known devil than the unknown. So I was swimming VERY much upstream with this, and then came across this gal who has this to say on the topic.

Dayna Martin seems to have her head wrapped around some stuff differently than I will/do, but all in all I think she's a good compromise between where I am and where Jerry is. So I'm going to go dig around in that stuff for a bit and see how I feel in a few weeks. We have a fairly long break coming up, so I may wait till after that to declare my major in the TV debate.

Communication

2007-11-28T20:37:00.000-08:00

I am sometimes at such a loss, with JAC things are just rolling along great and then BAM! I've hit a wall. He and I can sometimes forget to talk to each other for days at a time (and actually the little stuff like Girl Scouts in the evening or a dentist appointment for him are not such an issue - it's the BIG stuff that tends to build up and then go kerplunk in a bit of a disaster), and then catch up is such a freaking bitch, it just feels like we've got chasms to leap and there's no other way across other than the leap of faith. And we've both been burned. Tonight I went to part I (of II) of a Non-Violent Communication workshop. The gals running it are fun and easy to listen to. The class was pretty packed, and it was terrific listening to people's comments. I got to ask a couple of key questions for me, and it was nice to have had time to listen and think before trying to problem solve the Beca/school project issue. People had some great ideas. Giving myself empathy was probably the most impactful suggestion made, for me. Amazing how infrequently I do this. Hopefully it will give me the power to look inward enough to not need her to deal with my own stuff, so I can deal with my own stuff and she can (maybe) deal with hers. ??? It's confusing, that's for SURE. I think in general I really need to focus on being responsible for my own feelings, and for giving other people information about me, rather than opinions/judgments. That, I think, is a good place to begin this part of the journey.

I don't know how to say it all

2007-11-23T06:48:00.000-08:00

Last night I opened the puter late, around 11. I checked emails, I said hello to the wise women, then checked df. And there it was. A post from Jeni with an MDC link. I linked, and was toppled by what it said. I called that late, thinking that either it was a hoax and they'd think what a freak! Or it was true, and Larry would still be up. Probably most of the night. He was up. Probably most of the night. My friend Laura, 36 years old and otherwise healthy, is dead. She leaves a neigh turned 3yo and a special needs 5 yo, her husband, and her extended family and friends behind. To me, LAura was the epitome of female strength. She birthed 2 preemie babies, and was there, by their sides, every day for months. Longer for M than for K. She pumped milk for that baby for SEVEN freaking months, giving her the absolutely best food and love she could. Finally M took to the breast (and never looked back lol!). Laura lived through the Navy, through neglect in her childhood, and through a marriage full of all the foibles that every marriage encounters. And she faced it all with patience, love, grace, gratitude, and strength. She spent days on medications that incapacitated her, left her shaking and puking and unable to walk to the toilet - to keep her baby in a few more days. She patiently worked with K and the potty issues, with M and the nursing issues, with L and his own needs and issues. I don't know what he will do now - appreciate the amazing woman he married in a way we can't while our loved ones are still alive. But he will manage, perhaps become more of a man than he ever dreamed of becoming because of this. And the little ones, who will have little in the way of memories of their mama, it's just too horrible for me to think about. All the love and energy she poured into them, the consideration and thoughtfulness, the planning and mulling over of ideas and they will remember none of it. They are just too small. I don't know what to say to it all. I feel inadequate to the task of writing about someone I admired and loved this much, how big and full her life was of STUFF - coops and hs groups and play groups and therapy for K and her MW work and her night job and all the neighbors and people and family who each have their own memories of her. Laura will be dearly missed in her corporeal form, and so welcome and met with such gratitude in her spiritual one.